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Offline Fish

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Reply #1320 on: May 24, 2013, 05:42:18 PM
That's why I like women: they know what they want, even if what they want changes as often as their underwear. Good one, TD.

Don't sweat the petty stuff, pet the sweaty stuff.

Offline watasch

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Reply #1321 on: May 24, 2013, 07:47:44 PM
Nice story about knowing what you want....but so true in "most" cases...I guess that is what adds the humor to it....


Offline TheciaMarie

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Reply #1322 on: May 24, 2013, 08:09:54 PM
I understand TD
I never really cared, as I get older a big dick seems like a good thing.

I thought I was into bestiality and necrophilia until I realized I was just beating a dead horse.

Offline Katiebee

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Reply #1323 on: May 24, 2013, 08:50:56 PM
The bigger the dick the more problems they have with it as they age and the blood pressure drops.


There are three kinds of people in the world. Those who can count, and those who can't.

Offline GEMINIGUY

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Reply #1324 on: May 24, 2013, 09:16:09 PM
Leave it to Katie to look at the pessimistic side of things... ;-) lol

"If it's good enough for the Gemini Guys
Then it's good enough for me" - Adam Ant

coacheric

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Reply #1325 on: May 24, 2013, 09:17:12 PM
Quote from: Geminiguy on May 24, 2013, 09:16:09 PM
Leave it to Katie to look at the pessimistic side of things... ;-) lol

Little dick!   :emot_laughing:


Offline DemonDelight

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Reply #1326 on: May 25, 2013, 05:12:51 AM
Quote from: TinyDancer on May 23, 2013, 01:02:02 PM

The Bravest Soldier


 Three generals, one from the Army, another from the Marines, and a
 third from the Air Force, were having a debate with a Navy Admiral
 about whose soldiers were the bravest.
 To prove his point, the Air Force general calls over an airman:
 "Airman! Climb that flagpole, and once you are at the top, sing 'Wild
 Blue Yonder', and then jump off!"
 "YES SIR!" replies the airman. He takes off for the flagpole like a
 shot, scales up it, sings the anthem, salutes and jumps off, hitting
 the ground at attention.
 The general dismisses him. "Now that's bravery!" exclaims the general.
 "Ah, that's nothing," says the Admiral, "Seaman!" A seaman appears,
 "YES, SIR!!" "Take this weapon," as he offers him an M14, "Scale that
 flagpole, balance yourself on top, stand at attention, present arms,
 and sing 'Anchors Aweigh.' Salute each of us, and jump off.
 "YES SIR!" replies the seaman. He sprints for the flagpole with the
 weapon high over his head, and completes the task perfectly.
 "Now that's courage!" says the admiral.
 "Courage, nothin'" snorts the Army general. "Get over here, private!"
 "YES SIR!" replies the private.
 "Put on full combat gear, load your rucksack with these rocks, scale
 that flagpole, come to attention, present arms, and sing the National
 Anthem, salute each of us, and then climb back down, head first."
 "YES SIR!!" replies the private, and completes the task.
 "Now that is a brave man! Beat that!!"
 They all look to the Marine. "Private," he says.
 "YES SIR!"
 "Put on full combat gear. Put these two dogs in your pack. Using only
 one hand, climb that flagpole. At the top, sing 'The Halls of
 Montezuma', put your knife in your teeth, and dive off, headfirst."
 The private snaps to attention, looks at the general and says, "FUCK
 YOU SIR!"
 The general turns to the others and says, "Now THAT'S bravery!"

Oh shit TD, this had me rolling!!!


Offline GEMINIGUY

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Reply #1327 on: May 25, 2013, 08:17:10 AM
TD has that way about her when it comes to telling a joke. We can't help but lose it. ;-)

"If it's good enough for the Gemini Guys
Then it's good enough for me" - Adam Ant

Offline TheciaMarie

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Reply #1328 on: May 25, 2013, 05:56:51 PM
The Indian With One Testicle

There once was an Indian who had only one testicle

and whose given name was 'Onestone'.

He hated that name and asked everyone not to call him Onestone.

After years and years of torment,

Onestone finally cracked and said,'

If anyone calls me Onestone again I will kill them!'

The word got around and nobody called him that any more.

Then one day a young woman named Blue Bird forgot and said,

'Good morning, Onestone.'

He jumped up, grabbed her and took her deep into the forest where he made love to her all day and all night.

He made love to her all the next day,

until Blue Bird died from exhaustion.

The word got around that Onestone meant what he promised he would do.

Years went by and no one dared call him by his given name until

a woman named Yellow Bird returned to the village after being away.

Yellow Bird, who was Blue Bird's cousin,

was overjoyed when she saw Onestone.

She hugged him and said, 'Good to see you, Onestone.'

Onestone grabbed her, took her deep into the forest,

then he made love to her all day,

made love to her all night,

made love to her all the next day,

made love to her all the next night, but Yellow Bird wouldn't die!

Why ???

OH, come on... take a guess !!!

Think about it !!!

You're going to love this !!!

Everyone knows...

You can't kill Two Birds

with OneStone!!!

 

 

OUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I thought I was into bestiality and necrophilia until I realized I was just beating a dead horse.

Janus

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Reply #1329 on: May 25, 2013, 06:02:02 PM
Thecia that was hilariously corney. Loved it.


Offline Elizabeth

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Reply #1330 on: May 25, 2013, 06:13:33 PM
One day a young brave went up to the local chief and ask him how he thought up all the names for the villagers.
The chief replied that when a child is born, I name the child the first thing that I see.
for instance my young brave, when I see the sun rise a child might be named for that, and when I see a rainbow a child would be named for that. The many things that I see are what comes to pass for the village names.
But tell why are you so interested in the village names,... "Two Dogs Fucking".

"Giggles'....so much for that.!!!
Love,
Liz
 


Offline GEMINIGUY

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Reply #1331 on: May 25, 2013, 06:42:03 PM
Great stuff, ladies! Gotta love Native American names!

"If it's good enough for the Gemini Guys
Then it's good enough for me" - Adam Ant

Offline TheciaMarie

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Reply #1332 on: May 25, 2013, 07:12:55 PM
I thought the names came from the time of conception. Hence the name "Broken Rubber"

I thought I was into bestiality and necrophilia until I realized I was just beating a dead horse.

Offline Fish

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Reply #1333 on: May 25, 2013, 07:37:17 PM
Loved those, ladies. Good job!

Don't sweat the petty stuff, pet the sweaty stuff.

Offline Katiebee

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Reply #1334 on: May 25, 2013, 10:20:23 PM
Just be glad you aren't named Two Dogs Fucking.

There are three kinds of people in the world. Those who can count, and those who can't.

Malsexie

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Reply #1335 on: May 27, 2013, 12:11:54 PM
Quote from: Elizabeth on May 25, 2013, 06:13:33 PM
One day a young brave went up to the local chief and ask him how he thought up all the names for the villagers.
The chief replied that when a child is born, I name the child the first thing that I see.
for instance my young brave, when I see the sun rise a child might be named for that, and when I see a rainbow a child would be named for that. The many things that I see are what comes to pass for the village names.
But tell why are you so interested in the village names,... "Two Dogs Fucking".

"Giggles'....so much for that.!!!
Love,
Liz
 

If you are ever lucky enough to get hold of an Australian alcoholic drink called "Two Dogs" you will see written around the label the rather enigmatic sentence "Why do you ask?" This is related to the original punchline of this joke where the guy's father says, "Why do you ask, Two Dogs Fucking?"


TinyDancer

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Reply #1336 on: May 27, 2013, 12:41:32 PM

Washcloth

 There was a little boy whose mother was about to have a baby. One day,
 the little boy walked in and saw his mother naked. He asked his mother
 what the hair between her legs was.
 She responded, "It's my wash cloth."
 Weeks later, after the mother had her baby, the young boy walked in on
 his mother again. While she was in the hospital, the doctor had shaved
 her pubic hair.
 The boy asked, "What happened to your wash cloth?"
 The mother responded, "I lost it."
 The little boy, trying to be helpful, set out to find his mother's
 washcloth.
 A few days later, he ran to his mother yelling and screaming, "I found
 your washcloth."
 The mother, thinking that the child was just playing, went along with
 the boy and asked, "Where did you find it?"
 The boy answered, "The maid has it! She is washing daddy's face with
 it."


Offline GEMINIGUY

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Reply #1337 on: May 28, 2013, 01:20:26 AM
It's always the maid. :P

"If it's good enough for the Gemini Guys
Then it's good enough for me" - Adam Ant

TinyDancer

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Reply #1338 on: May 28, 2013, 11:04:38 AM
Populate the Earth

 One day, God and Adam were walking in the Garden of Eden. God told
 Adam that it was time to populate the Earth.
 "Adam, you can start by kissing Eve."
 "Lord, what is a kiss?" asked Adam.
 God explained, and then Adam took Eve behind the bush and kissed her.
 A little while later, Adam returned with a big smile and said, "Lord!
 That was great! What's next?"
 "Adam, I now want you to caress Eve."
 "Lord, what is caress?" asked Adam.
 God explained, then Adam took Eve behind the bush and caressed her.
 A little while later, Adam returned with a big smile and said, "Lord
 that was even better than a kiss! What's next?"
 "Here is what gets the deed done. I now want you to make love to Eve."
 "Lord, what is make love?" asked Adam.
 God explained, then Adam took Eve behind the bush.
 A few seconds later, Adam returned and asked, "Lord, what is a
 headache?"


Janus

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Reply #1339 on: May 28, 2013, 01:12:06 PM
NICE !!!   


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