I wrote my story Permission to Cheat and posted it back in April.http://www.kristensboard.com/forums/index.php?topic=24019.msg346906#msg346906I have typed my wife's side of the story up as she related it to me and approved by her. This is her side of things. To the best of my knowledge it is true. This is the story of how I came to “Cheat” on my husband. As everyone knows every cheating story has three sides, “His Side”, “Her Side”, and the true story. No one will probably ever know the true story but here it is presented from my side of things. Was I justified in what I did, at the time I felt so, in retrospect I am so sorry for what I did to the man I love and how things turned out.
How far back to go? I don't know. We were young when we married. He promised a great future and to remove me from my mother's over bearing presence. We talked about having children even before marriage and both of us agreed we wanted them. I really wanted them. I would like to say that my husband was my first but I can't remember, I have a nightmare where I remember being raped by my brother, and forced to do oral sex on a cousin. Let's just say I know my husband was my first consentual, and first one one that I can remember sexual partner. We used condoms for sex up until three month after our wedding. Even our premarital sex (twice) was protected sex, no accidents in our family planning. His brother made us well aware of those problems, by his actions and having to marry the girl he didn't plan on. Besides my mother would have killed both of us if that ever happened and my great Aunt who has given my family so much and very dedicated church woman, WCTU member, would have died if I got pregnant out of wedlock.
So about three months after we were married we decided no more birth control, we were ready to try and start a family. That first time he was in me without a condom felt absolutely wonderful and it was made more so with the thoughts of us actually making a baby in the process. His seed and my eggs would meet and create something new and wonderful.
He was in the Navy when we got married and for the first year was in schools so we had plenty of sessions and attempts at getting pregnant, and each time it seemed like it was more fun and enjoyable than the last as we tried and learned new things and got better a old things. I remember the first time he ate me out, I have said ever since that he has a “Magic Tongue”, he still has one, but at our age the position is hard on him to deal with for long so when he does use his tongue down there it's real special.
After the first year he was assigned to a ship and sea duty. So, a Navy man, he spent a lot of time at sea and not so much in port. It is not easy to have your man leaving you alone constantly, up to six months at a time, only to return and do multiple trips away for days or weeks at a time in preparation for the next six month cruise. But find time for sex in all that we did and we loved it.
I have always had a green eyed monster living in me and anytime he even looked at another girl/woman I would get angry and mad at him. No way he was gonna stray on me. I would look at other men and compare them to him and he has always been my number one choice. So he had better not stray on my watch.
By the time he was out of the Navy we had been having unprotected sex for over three years and I never a missed period, although I have never been quite as regular as other women. We came back home to look for work, 6 months, unemployed, living at my mother's and finally he wound up back in the same Navy town we had just left, working as a contractor to the DOD on the same Navy ships he just left. I had to support him on his career, I signed on for this as his wife and he was doing his best to provide for us.
He was gone for three months, staying with a friend, getting money for us to start out again, and he finally got an apartment and I was able to join him again. We settled down into a routine, he got into watching porn on video tapes, we borrowed a video camera and made our first (of many) home porn videos. I didn't really care for them much and he did have to conjole me into doing them. I kind of got turned on watching us do it on camera but again it wasn't something I needed.
He also would take great fun in having me expose my breasts in various situations. At first I felt uncomfortable doing it but I was comfortable with my tits so I eventually figured what the hell it wasn't hurting anyone. I remember playing strip poker one time with my husband, a friend and I. It turned out it was just an excuse for my husband to get me to show my tits to his friend. I did get to see his friend without his pants for a minute. That's when I called it a night as I feigned having no interest in our friend truth be known I had many fun masturbation sessions thinking about our friend's penis after that, and our sex that night was extra exciting.
We had other friends that we played cards with on a regular basis as couples. His one woman who it later turned out was cheating on her husband, was always trying to make moves on my husband, he always said he never saw it but I could tell, a wife always can. I would get so mad when he had to “go over to her place help with club business”
It was also during this time his job started taking him on the road usually one or two weeks a month, would get jealous of him being able to travel so much and I was stuck at home. One gets tired of that routine with nothing else to do. At my husband's urging I got a job. I wound up as a maid at a local motel. Hard dirty work, for little pay and littler tips. The worst was walking into a room that smelled like fresh sex, and having to turn it around for the next rental. Yep, people really do rent a room for quickies.
I eventually got a job working at the same company as my husband, the had opened an equipment overhaul shop and I got work helping out there. Turned out there were several women there my husband had to work closely with and I was always watching him like a hawk. “Why was it”, I would ask myself, “that he can have intelligent and meaningful conversations with all these other women but never with me?” In retrospect I was my own worst enemy, always imagining things that really weren't there.
Somewhere along the way he got in his mind that anal sex would be something to try. I resisted as it just didn't seem right or natural. After reading penthouse forums to me about it and asking me frequently, I finally told him ok one night. I remember him telling me to make sure I pooped real good before we started. I had trouble doing that because I kept worrying about what it was going to be like. I just knew that a finger in my ass felt real weird and this couldn't be much better.
I did manage to complete my toilet, and could not avoid the inevitable any longer, we went to bed and I insisted he eat me out first till I came. That was good and it relaxed me, except he kept poking his finger in my ass, which rather than turn me on kept reminding me of what he was going to ultimately do to me. See even now I still see it as something he was doing to me not with me.
The time had come and I rolled over, he lubed my asshole with baby oil and Vaseline and his penis as well, I felt his finger enter my ass as he tried to work the lube inside of my ass as well. Back to the jar for more and them packing it into my butt. It felt like I had to poop all over again everytime his finger entered my asshole. Eventually he worked two fingers into my hole , the feeling was hard to describe, wasn't hurting, just weird.
At last his penis, which was hard all of this time, came in contact with my hole. He started to push it in and I felt my hole resist. I cried out to him to stop and back off which he did, but he was back in a minute after asking if I was ok, I lied and said I was, I had promised and I knew how much he wanted this, I told him to try again. He pushed at the hole again, I felt like he was ripping my hole wide open, again I begged him to back off. Tears in my eyes again he asked if I was ok and sure we should continue.
Again I lied and said yes, just give me a moment. I gave him the go ahead and told him to go in fast this time and get it over with. He complied but only after making sure there was fresh lube in my hole and on his penis. I felt his cock touch my asshole and even as I was thinking no stop he pushed in and got the head past and in me I cried out, it burned, it hurt, I wanted it out of me. I buried my face into the pillow and told him to stop a minute. He asked if he should pull out or not and told him to just wait!!! After the initial pain, much like my other virginity, it started to go away. I told him it was ok to start fucking my ass. He did so slowly and he was shaking. I don't know why he was shaking but every part of him shook.
I felt his cock slip in, deeper with each stroke until he was fully buried in me. I felt full, like I had to poop real bad, but also a sexual tingle as well. It was weird to feel his cock in that hole, I could tell every ridge and bump,similar to being in my pussy yet different, hard to describe. Not a feeling I could say was desirable yet not too bad if I could get used to the pain. Once he was buried he started fucking me deeply and the pain was tolerable, not like the entry, the lube helped and he seemed to be enjoying it so I stayed quiet and tolerated it. I felt him explode inside of my ass and his cum sprayed deeper inside of me than ever before. It actually felt like a fire extinguisher putting out a flame, the burning I previously felt was gone. He got soft and my butt pushed him out. The pain subsided and it was over.
I rolled over and kissed and hugged him, having already dried my tears I faked a smile and asked if he enjoyed it. He acknowledged that he did and asked about me, I again lied and said it was ok but not real great. Damn why did I have to lie to him then. He saw that cum was leaking out of my butt and got some tissues. We cleaned up and held each other as we went to sleep.
I tell that so you understand that anal sex was not something I like or even wanted. Some times I tolerated it better than others. I tried to avoid it when ever possible, and for a while, after I had cheated on him I even initiated it, maybe because I felt I owed him something after what I had done.
We got tired of apartment living and found a house to rent. We had our privacy made more home made videos, and had more sex but nothing spectacular. His travels for the company continued, I got a new job fixing computers with another friend of ours. About this time my Husband's Uncle had died and my husband's dad became aware that my husband's cousin (we'll call him JA) was living in the same city that we were.
We contacted JA just to say hi and such, turned out his wife had left him, took the kids, and left him in a pile of debt. We offered to help him out as we had a spare room in the house we were renting and invited him to live with us. Since he was in the Navy as well and still did cruises he was not in town a lot. This worked out well as he was able to save money to pay off the debt.
After several months his ship went into dry dock for repairs etc so he was home all the time, on occasion he would go to NY and spend a weekend with his girlfriend (S). One weekend he invited her down to stay with him and us. Some how we all wound up playing four handed strip poker. We all wound up in our underwear bottoms, S seemed a little jumpy in her seat and my husband couldn't seem to keep his eyes off her tits. They were nothing special as far as I could tell, Mine were nicer and more perky at the time. She looked and acted like Betty Boop with small boobs.
Anyhow after the game she came to me and told me that she thought my husband wanted her and would I be ok with that. I told her not only no but hell no. S then commented that if she really wanted my husband she could have him any time she wanted. That was the last time S was allowed to stay at my house!!!
A few months later we got word that JA was going to be assigned to neutral duty where he would be on shore but traveling occasionally. He wanted his girls to move in with him but needed caregivers for when he was on the road. We hatched a plan to rent a larger house together and between the three of us we would raise his girls. Since he and my husband would be on the road a lot that left me with watching the girls on a regular basis, I became Aunt Mommy.
I loved it, I had a new job by then, new house to live in, and now a new family. I got along well with the girls, they accepted me almost like a mother. If my husband was gone JA was there to help most of the time, when JA was gone my hubby was there mostly and rarely were both gone a exactly the same time. I enjoyed having a man around most of the time, taking care of the girls, and doing all the things I'd dreamed of doing, shopping for the girls, taking care of a family, I really wanted that baby now.
My husband and I went to the doctors to get checked for medical reason why after 7 years of unprotected sex I still wasn't pregnant several times by then I thought I was pregnant only to find out a month or so later I wasn't. The doctors checked my husband first as it's easiest and said he was ok and no issues with fertility there. I didn't think they were right, We tried all the things the doctors told us to do, eat certain foods, check temperature first thing in the morning to find my ovulation days, my husband changed from briefs to boxers to increase sperm count, had sex only on certain days to increase volume of sperm, and rest in between. Sex on a schedule is not fun, it's work. And with my husband gone most of the time during the month how the hell was I supposed to get pregnant. Gone 3 to 4 weeks a month at times and home only on the weekends he was barely there when I needed him.
JA and I were spending more time together than me and my husband. We would shop for the groceries together, by the stuff for the girls together, go out to dinner with the girls. About once a month JA would do a weekend with his girlfriend S either in town at a motel or out of town. This was getting hard on JA as he wanted to spend more time with the girls but he did not want them knowing about S. My husband however seemed more into work and our clubs than me. I still remember being really depressed one might and I tried everything I could to get him to come to bed and just be with me. I even sat in his lap nude and all he could do was sit there in front of the computer “typing a report”.
After that I began to really notice JA, he seemed to have time to listen to me, do things if I needed them done, and he was always nice to me. I really began to think of us as a family unit. Even if my husband was home I would find a reason to go shop with JA and have my husband watch the girls. We would take longer than needed because we would just talk and he seemed to really care a lot about me, more than my husband seemed to at the time. Not sure how it started, I guess I started just giving JA kisses on the cheek as thank you's and hugs as well. It got to be a habit whenever we were alone.
It started to develop into more I think but I really didn't notice. I just knew I felt more complete in JA's arms than I had felt in a long time in my husband's. Pecks became full kisses and long hugs not short. Grocery shopping took way too long as it turn more into a date than shopping. I wanted JA. Not sure when or if I was fully aware of wanting him but I just knew I wanted him both mentally and physically.
One Saturday night I knew I was busted. My husband approached me and asked if I wanted to sleep with JA. “OMG” , I thought. I was so stunned and shocked I couldn't think so I stalled. “And why would I want to do that?”, I asked. Expecting to be told I had been seen making out I waited to hear the words, instead all I heard were excuses as to why I might want to do it. “To keep him from having to go visit his girlfriend”, “to see if he can get you pregnant, since I haven't been able to”, and some others I can't remember.
I just kind of stood there trying to think of what to say, my stomach turned and churned, I was sick and could not think of anything to say except “I'll think about it”, as if I would be doing JA a favor or even my husband a favor. My husband looked down at the floor and said something I didn't hear then, but know now after years of discussion, I wish I had heard it then, he had said “If you think you do want to let me know first.”
My husband was going on a trip the following day and would be at sea for the week. We made love that night and to me it seemed like he was mournful and sad as he did it. I could tell he wasn't him self but I kept having other thoughts of having permission to have sex with the man I had grown to be in love with. I actually had the best orgasm I'd had in a long time.
I drove my husband to the airport and dropped him there, after his plane left I headed home. All day I was having thoughts of what to do. I felt all was coming in line, I could have JA, get a baby out of it and maybe even leave my husband and marry JA. I didn't actually think those thoughts but that was the feelings I felt. There was no actual plan. I got home and we planned dinner. I took some time and showered and freshened up.
After dinner and the girls were in bed I changed into my sexy nightgown and my housecoat, I ran into JA in the kitchen, I kissed him long and good. A romantic kiss and he returned it in kind. I had butterflies and tingles, I couldn't believe what I was about to do. We made out for a while and then I put my hand over the hard lump in his pants and ask him if he wanted something, or was he just glad to see me. He smiled and cupped my breasts. I asked again if he wanted anything, and he looked quizzically at me. Up til now we had only kissed and some heavy petting. He sensed this was about to go further but wanted me to be the instigator. I kissed him again and rubbed his lump and asked if he wanted anything. He finally asked “What are you offering?”, smirking. To answer him I opened my robe and dropped it to the floor. With just my see through night gown and see through panties on, there was no room to guess wrong there.
He looked at me hesitantly “Are you sure? What about ----?”, I told him that yes I was sure and that I would deal with my husband. We kissed again and embraced. He told me to come to his room in a couple of minutes and left. I gathered my robe and found I was weak kneed, did I really think I could do this? My pussy was wetter than ever,my heart pounding, and I had butterflies over thinking about doing it, I felt if I was going to do it now was it, I wanted a baby and I was convinced this was the way it would happen, I wanted the happiness I had been experiencing of being a mother and he could be it. I wanted to feel him inside me, and I wanted to know if it would be different with him.
I waited a few moments and then followed, I saw the door to the girls room was closed, a rarity as we hardly ever closed their door even our doors were usually left open a crack except during times when they might see us nude. I tapped on his door and he said to come in.
He had “straightened up” his mess of a room I came in and closed the door, and dropped the robe to the floor. We hugged and kissed for a long while. Again he cupped my breasts and tweaked my nipples trying to get them hard. My nipples have always needed help getting hard and the best way is to suck on them. That night his fingers alone were able to do the job.
He asked again, “Are you sure?” “Yes”, I said again. And reached down to the lump in his pants and squeezed. I loosened the belt and undid his pants pulling them and his underwear down to his ankles. He stepped out of them and I moved them out of the way.
At this point his cock was pointing at my face at eye level so I knelt in front of him and grabbed is cock. I remember it felt so hot and hard, a little thicker than my husband's and straighter too, my husbands has a curve to it. I looked it over and moved my hand back and forth along the shaft. Finally looking up at his eyes I licked at the head, swirling my tongue around it, taking the head into my mouth and sucking on it.
I moved my hand back and forth jacking him as I sucked, looking him in the eyes to gauge his response. He held my head and moved it back and forth on his cock trying to get me to go deeper. I don't know how I managed it but I did get it down my throat. I never was able to do that with my husband before no matter how we tried, but with JA it just seemed to slip right in like it belonged. His eyes rolled and closed as his ball sack touched my chin. I pulled back to breathe and did it again. I repeated this until my jaw locked in pain.
I stood up into him and we embraced and kissed again. He told me how good that felt, and how no one had ever done it that deep before to him, then he commented on how lucky my husband was to be able to have that done to him. I felt the guilt of what we were doing at that but not so bad and thought ” if JA knew I had never gone that deep before...”, and before I knew it I was telling him just that, “I've never given him one that deep before so he doesn't know I can do it.” JA smiled like now we had a secret.
He lead me to the bed, it's a single bed and not really built for two people but he sat on the edge and I took his t-shirt off and tossed it. He reached up and undid the tie on my night gown and helped me off with it. Last he pulled my panties down revealing my freshly shaved pussy. I had done it just that afternoon, I have always enjoyed sex more with the hair out of the way and I did not know if there would be another time after tonight so I shaved.
He touched my pussy and felt between my legs,I spread them apart for him, he slipped his fingers along as if testing the moisture, I felt a jolt as if electrical run through me when he touch me here. He lay back and told me to get on top. That is my favorite position as I can control how deep and fast things go so I had no problem complying. I climbed up and rested on his waist his penis just resting in the crack of my ass. I hoped to god he wasn't going to ask for the ass.
He bend me down and we embraced and kissed some more and he then let me up some and played with my breasts, rubbing them and stroking them gently. Bending me down again he started sucking each nipple one at a time, keeping the massage up on the other breast as he did so. Tingles and sparks ran through me straight to my clit and my pussy. I was in heaven I was feeling so loved like I hadn't in so long, I remember thinking “This is a good thing, a very good thing”.
Finally he looked at me and asked once more “Are you sure it's ok? You want to do this?” I didn't even hesitate I replied “Yes, oh hell yes its ok”. I wanted nothing more than to have him in me why did he keep asking if it was ok, I already told him I wanted it. He then said “ If you want it you have to put me in you.” I lifted my self up and positioned myself over his cock and as I felt it touch me there I shivered,and thought “This is it, no turning back.” I almost stopped right there but something in me said to do it and do it now.
I rubbed my juices over the head and felt them run down his shaft as it came into contact with me. I took one last breath and lowered myself onto him. Feeling him slide into me. I felt so wonderful and naughty at the same time. The naughty made it better somehow. His cock slide in about halfway and I lifted off, just keeping his head inside and slide down again about 3 more times and I had him fully inside me. I could tell he was thicker than my husband but a little shorter in length. My husband would reach the end of my tunnel when I am full on him.
I rested just enjoying the fullness of JA filling my hole, stretching it more than I am used to. He continued to rub my breasts and suck on them keeping my nipples hard, I then started moving on top of him allowing him to exit and refill my void. Each re-entry a new wave of pleasure building toward the ultimate feeling.
I rode him going faster and faster, if he got close to cumming he stopped me and just held me still a second. He would let go and I would start again. I was in heaven and didn't want it to end. Each thrust I knew would bring me closer to that baby I wanted so bad. I was on the road to a new and better life I just knew it.
He finally took control and started moving me up and down on him, thrusting into me to meet my actions. Our parts met and my clit stimulated to orgasm and he came inside me. I could feel every pulse , the warm wetness inside as he released his sperm. I lay on him chest to chest, just hugging and catching our breath and kissing. Finally he slipped out as he shrank, followed by the sticky goo that I hoped was going to make a baby in me. We cleaned up and he told me I needed to go back to my bed as it would not do for the girls to get up and find us together. I hated to leave but I knew he was right .
The next couple of days were a blur, each day was hard to get through work and then come home and deal with the girls, We figured since my husband was gone we might as well use the big bed and JA would just have to get up early enough to avoid the girls. We basically repeated the same thing each night as we got to know each other. And JA got up before the girls so none the wiser. Or so we thought.
We were asleep in my bed on Thursday night, we still hadn't figured out what to say to my husband, or how we really felt about the current situation. Was it just infatuation, a fling, or what? I just knew I was feeling both relieved and guilty.
I woke up to find my husband climbing into bed, “OMG where's JA” I thought, I could feel another body still in bead with me and my husband climbing in opposite. The room was dark so maybe he still didn't see JA there. “Oh Crap”, I thought, “What will we do now?” I reached up and pulled my husband toward me hoping beyond hope that JA would somehow get up and out unnoticed. He didn't. He tried to get up and leave but my husband just told him to stay and we would talk about it the next day. The rest of the night I slept fitfully trying to figure out what to say and what to do.
The basic things in the morning was JA got up early as he was supposed to ,in order to avoid the girls. I and my husband got up and we didn't talk much just to say things were ok for now and we needed to talk. I passed that on to JA and we all went about our day. I had extreme difficulty making it through the day.
Friday evening my husband told me and JA if we were gonna fuck to do it now cause he was gonna shower. JA looked like kids with their hands caught in the candy jar. We decided we couldn't make it worse so I got changes and JA came back after securing the girls. We did what we knew, my husband had started his shower in the attached bath so we knew we were alone. I did the same as I described earlier, all the way to completing it in the bed. I told JA I loved him and I wanted to be with him. At that we noticed the door to the bath move a little and the sound of the shower changed. A few minutes later my husband appeared and JA and he had a couple of words “If you two want to continue this that's fine but if a baby is made it will be considered mine, no test” JA nodded and left.
I had heard the terms and knew where we stood. My husband had lots of questions, how long had we been doing it, when did things start, how did they start, did we need to get a divorce, since I had waited till our talk on saturday before doing JA why did I not wait and discuss it as promised. (it was at this point I realized I had not heard my husband clearly on saturday) I was informed that he knew something was up and had hoped I would discuss it with him and have a chance to work something out.
End result my husband had heard my words to JA after our session which as it turned out he watched through the door crack. He decided he wanted to stay married and would allow the affair to continue as long as it was understood it was to be because we were trying to get me pregnant as that seemed to be the biggest sticking point.
As time went on JA and I did discuss divorce and marry option and JA didn't want to break us up but was willing to keep on being a sperm donor as it were. He broke up with the girlfriend to avoid any diseases. About a year and a half later we got the opportunity to adopt a baby, after our (ado[ted) son was born I underwent a total Hysterectomy to relieve problems caused by endometriosis. I apparently was unable to conceive due to birth defects caused by a birth control drug my mother took called DES. A drug that was pulled because of these defects in the children of women who took the drug.
JA and I continued our affair until he knew in his heart that he would never be with me, My heart was now fully with my husband, and bent on trying to repair the damage to our marriage this whole thing caused. I love him with all my heart and can only imagine what he went through, What love for me he must have had to allow me to do this and still want me through it all, and to take me back at the end of it. To have fought for me all the way and won. JA is out of our lives , he tried once to come back in “for old times sake” and I told he was married and to go home to his wife.
We did reach some low points, our slide down did not end with the affair. We reached the bottom of a hole where we both were to depart. At that point we laid it all out, re-examined our marriage, and rebuilt anew. “No More Secrets” that's our mantra. Our son is now an adult,we are getting old and just too ornery after 36 years of marriage to let it all go now so I guess we best still love each other. I know I love him and tell him every day. He has trouble saying the words, always has, I understand the whys of that now and he tells me in other ways that he loves me and how much I mean to him.