KRISTEN'S BOARD
Sex => Sexual problems. => Topic started by: Fanta_C on May 26, 2011, 12:29:36 PM
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Hi all.
First topic i've started, so here goes.
Am I the only one who has a tremendous amount of guilt over the thoughts and fantasies I have?
I'm a down to earth kind of guy and my life couldn't be happier, but my taboo fantasies do cause me to suffer with bouts of self guilt and depression.
I have never and never would act out my fantasies, but I do go to bed at night thinking that I am wrong and a bad dad for having the thoughts I do.
I have seen a psychotherapist a few years ago which was an education for me, but I didn't feel that I could tell her my darkest secrets, so I never really got the answers I required to get over this. (therefore probably wasting my money)
As hot as my fantasies make me feel, I do wish that I didn't have them.
Regards
Andy
*Sorry to bring the tone down >:(
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Andy, pleased you enjoy KB, and are willing to share your thoughts, fantasies with us here. Think of KB as your therapist, with a hand in her lap, or his lap, or your lap... lol
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xxx
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I agree with you, fantasies can be very healthy! and as long as you can keep them in check and not let them control you then all is good!!
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Tiny put it well. What has helped me is keeping in mind are a couple simple definitions. We all have desires..something we want to do, and we all have fantasies....things that we only dream about. It's important to keep each in their respective places to keep a good balance in our lives.
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I have guilt too - but not about my fantasies...which all involve forced sex. I feel guilty about being such a tease - like it is all my fault - that I deserve it whether I like it or not - to be taken and used like a whore
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That's the best thing you can do is to just enjoy your fantasies here in the KB forums and express yourself openly maybe with a story or two and leave it at that. If you don't want to act them out openly cause they are wrong then do it in a safe way that doesn't make you look bad or send you to prison or what have you. Take me, I enjoy reading stories about incest but I don't act them out openly, I'll read the stories here and just please myself long enough to enjoy that fantasy and I don't feel guilty later on cause I just masturbated to a taboo subject and not act it out and I feel guilt free!
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OK, we all have sexual fantasies so whatever yours are there is no need to feel guilt, because the Pope has sexual fantasies as do every fire and brimstone preacher telling people they will go to hell. They are part of being human, the only problems occur when some individuals who have violent or abuse led fantasies move on to recreate them in real life.
I believe that being able to play out your fantasies in the safe environment of places like KB is beneficial and probably stops those with abuse or violent fantasies from enacting them in real life
So my advice is, keep on wanking its good for your prostate.
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All Of The Above Is Good Advice...
fantasy is just that fantasy (and you seem to recognize that fact).
KB is a great place for fantasy...(safety valve for the brain) and fun for us to read about.
You should do fine here...and like the gang said....WE ALL HAVE DARK FANTASY's.
Love,
Liz
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Why we humans have two hands, eight fingers and two thumbs: to enjoy our fantasies safely. ;D ;D
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*I* have violent fantasies... they're perfectly all right as long as you have a willing adult partner. I've even acted a bunch of them out, but it's been a LONG time since I had a gal that wanted to play that way. Our only limits back then were "nothing visible with clothes on and nothing that takes more than a week to heal."
Do I feel guilty about it? Not a bit! :D Even though it was very obviously taboo back in the '70s, there was a HUGE amount of proof in books, movies and TV that a *lot* of people enjoyed the fantasy, so I didn't feel bad about doing it behind closed doors. The only thing that made me uncomfortable was the daddy/daughter thing, and that solely because I have a strong reaction against pedophiles. Yet again, as long as it's adults acting it out, there's no issue there.
I wasn't raised Catholic, so 'guilt' was never a controlling force in my upbringing. My dad only had Playboy magazines (that he thought were hidden), so I could tell that my darker fantasies weren't mainstream. HER dad had a variety of bondage and S+M porn, so we knew it was acceptable to a smaller group of people. That gave us the green light to go hog wild. We did. ;)
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Thanks for all the replies guys & girls. I truly apprieciate them :emot_kiss:
I think my biggest problem maybe that my taboo fantasies have only taken shape in the last few months, so I guess in time I will accept them and enjoy them without the guilt.
Chat soon.
Andy.
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No reason to feel bad. Fantasises are just that something enjoyable to think about and often not something you would ever do. I have my own set that i enjoy with myself, but would never actually act out on.
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HI FC;
I trust you will overlook my taking the liberty to send you a PM but your topic is one which struck a kindred thread in me and while there have been some good responses to your thread I've found in the past such replies sometimes tend to be frivolent if not downright insulting.
As a guy I share your uneasiness about my fantasies but as I see it, every human on the planet has them and often a vivid imagination. As one who underwent some basic psychological training in my career I am of the opinion fantasies are a mental safety valve to minimize the probability one acts on them. As for imagination, which are next door to fantasies, consider that all the fictional novels, movie scripts are all produced by humans, like ourselves, with rich imaginations. I think you are perfectly normal, like most of the rest of us. I would love to kneel before a young stud, the younger the better and suck him off until his ball are completely drained. Better still, service his buddies, say about 6 of them, and each of them fuck my ass while I suck whoever is ready.
Serviceman
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Hiii FC
I'm not too sure if my opinion needs to be put into this after seeing some of the other members already doing it (and basically taking the words right out of my mouth :P)
But i agree with alot of it, if it is just fantasies that you are having, then it's not really a big deal. There is really no need to feel guilty over something that just seems appealing to you. I myself have fantasies lots and lots of times (and most of the time i can live those through my loving GF)
So maybe if you just find someone who can help you play out or live those fantasies then maybe that could help. Hope this advice helped you in just the teensiest tiniest bit :P
Hope you work it out!
Bre-Bree
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Isn't the "forbidden" nature of "guilty" fantasies the whole appeal and, ultimately, the reason why they are so amazingly arousing?
And the same holds true in real life, e.g. "This is so wrong, I shouldn't be doing this, I am so ashamed of myself, I...oh my fucking god do that again, and don't stop!
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Isn't it the "forbidden" nature of "guilty" fantasies the whole appeal and, ultimately, the reason why they are so amazingly arousing?
Yes i think the taboo nature is really a big turn on. I remember years ago my friend told me about all kinds of fantasies she had over her brother yada yada...except when they did the deed...it just wasn't that good. Not that the sex wasn't....just the idea was now meh. The fantasy was great...the reality wasn't.
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thanks all.
I think the main reason I am having issues with this particular fantasy of mine, is because I don't feel that I can share it with my wife. So I think the guilt is probably because I am keeping something from her, not necessarily guilt from my actual thoughts.
We share many fantasies and have explored almost every possible kink in relation to sex. this is just one taboo fantasy that I have to live with by myself (and all you guys/girls of course).
FC
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what fantasy is it that you can't share. I was surprised that my girlfriend loved rape and incest fantasies. Kind of took me by surprise, I'm not big into the rape ones, but I have enjoyed the domination/submissive part with her.
I think presentation is a big part of it. Asking her "Have you ever thought about...." may help break the ice.
Sharing with a loved one is a big turn on.
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what fantasy is it that you can't share.
incest fantasies.
It would be a massive risk if I broached the subject, I believe. If ever the subject has cropped up on the Tv or in the newspapers, she has been disgusted by it, so i'm pretty confident that she wouldn't approve of my fantasies.
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what fantasy is it that you can't share.
incest fantasies.
It would be a massive risk if I broached the subject, I believe. If ever the subject has cropped up on the Tv or in the newspapers, she has been disgusted by it, so i'm pretty confident that she wouldn't approve of my fantasies.
Sadly most people are pre programmed by society to think ewww about incest.
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what fantasy is it that you can't share.
incest fantasies.
It would be a massive risk if I broached the subject, I believe. If ever the subject has cropped up on the Tv or in the newspapers, she has been disgusted by it, so i'm pretty confident that she wouldn't approve of my fantasies.
very true, yes.
Sadly most people are pre programmed by society to think ewww about incest.
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Sadly most people are pre programmed by society to think ewww about incest.
You certainly wouldn't know that after spending any time on this board!
Besides, though incest is widely deemed one of our society's strongest taboos, I wonder how many people think about it, dream about it, fantasize about it, or jack/jill about it?
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Sadly most people are pre programmed by society to think ewww about incest.
You certainly wouldn't know that after spending any time on this board!
Besides, though incest is widely deemed one of our society's strongest taboos, I wonder how many people think about it, dream about it, fantasize about it, or jack/jill about it?
I certainly do lol
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Sadly most people are pre programmed by society to think ewww about incest.
You certainly wouldn't know that after spending any time on this board!
Besides, though incest is widely deemed one of our society's strongest taboos, I wonder how many people think about it, dream about it, fantasize about it, or jack/jill about it?
Fantasising about it and actually admitting in in public are 2 different things ;). I'm sure kids growing up are more prone to trying out incest when young, but very few will admit it to you. We crave fitting into groups as people, and i feel while this is a good thing it's also bad because we modify what we like to appease people in our circles. I have found that many times girls who have told me ewww about something have changed gears when i admitted i enjoyed it ;).
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Sadly most people are pre programmed by society to think ewww about incest.
You certainly wouldn't know that after spending any time on this board!
Besides, though incest is widely deemed one of our society's strongest taboos, I wonder how many people think about it, dream about it, fantasize about it, or jack/jill about it?
I certainly do lol
I do as well i think it's fucking hot :) ;D ;D
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You need not feel bad for having thoughts.... It's human nature......
As you stated.................
I'm a down to earth kind of guy and my life couldn't be happier.....
I have never and never would act out my fantasies........
Therefore, try (if you can) to lay to rest the negitive feelings you have towards yourself and your fantasies and continue to seek the pleasure(s) you have in the safety and security of your mind...........
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You need not feel bad for having thoughts.... It's human nature......
As you stated.................
I'm a down to earth kind of guy and my life couldn't be happier.....
I have never and never would act out my fantasies........
Therefore, try (if you can) to lay to rest the negitive feelings you have towards yourself and your fantasies and continue to seek the pleasure(s) you have in the safety and security of your mind...........
Easier siad than done, but I certainly will try.
Thanks.
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I also have guilt over my fantasy, which is beast.
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I also have guilt over my fantasy, which is beast.
*hugs* don't lots of us are into that :).
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I also have guilt over my fantasy, which is beast.
woof
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I also have guilt over my fantasy, which is beast.
woof
*gets out the leash*
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Oh don't we all have our fantasies, I know I do and big time too, Joan knows of it, as a matter of fact she is my therapist, and a good one at that!! :emot_kiss: :emot_kiss:
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Oh don't we all have our fantasies, I know I do and big time too, Joan knows of it, as a matter of fact she is my therapist, and a good one at that!! :emot_kiss: :emot_kiss:
Do you feel guilty over your fantasies though? :emot_kiss:
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I'm gonna put just a small twist on this subject. I do agree that certain fantasies should stay just that, but I have always said that the reason Any woman I have been with found sex to be so much more fun with me than other guys was because I always thought that actaully living out fantasies, that so many others just keep as fantasies, puts you so far above the plaesure curve compareed to never trying to do things others think are perverse. Of course the obvious..Children, real rape, Drugging ..are off limits- but being able to cross over to actually doing things you've fantasized about without worrying what others think is like having sex for the first time. Share your fantasies (the legal ones) and you'll be suprised how many partners can open a whole new world. And face it...once you can talk openly about fantasies..what the hell else can you NOT be able to talk about
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Fanta_C, no I have no regrets about my fantasies, just getting to them frustrates me to no end, just wish there were an easy way to live them out, my dream!!! :sign_greatbighug:
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The other side of the coin is the whole cycle of guilty feelings and sexual arousal. I read an interesting article the other day about how the guilty feelings after can actually add to the taboo nature of what excites us the next time. You feel bad for having those thoughts...and what do you like when you get horny again? Those evil, taboo, bad thoughts you felt guilty about last time!
I think having the fantasies is not something you should ever feel bad about, and actually playing them out online is a healthy way to get over your guilt. Im sure there are more than a few people here who would RP whatever scenario tickles your fancy...
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Wow, Oscarlong you put it so beautiful, thank you so much!! :sign_terrific:
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I always go over that particular topic in my head. I have gotten to the point to where I do not feel guilty over my fantasies, I don't feel guilty because I know that they will never be acted out, and nobody else will know that I am feeling this way unless I would like them to know. My family was really religious and always had me believe that other forces know what is in your head all the time, and I think that is a lie your the only one inside of your head, cause if your mental state was supposed to be expressed then why have free will as a human being.
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what fantasy is it that you can't share.
incest fantasies.
It would be a massive risk if I broached the subject, I believe. If ever the subject has cropped up on the Tv or in the newspapers, she has been disgusted by it, so i'm pretty confident that she wouldn't approve of my fantasies.
I remember when I finally broke down and revealed to my wife that I had all these deviant fantasies. Looking back I can't believe it took me so long to open up to her about any of it.
One day I just bit the bullet and brought her into my apartment and sat her down and said, "I want you to watch this movie with me." She got all nervous, I'm not sure what she expected me to put on, but after the build up I gave her, it could have been anything. I then put on Taboo and after we watched it I explained to her that since this was the first porn movie I ever watched as a kid, I seemed to be 'kinda-sorta' into incest fantasies...
She was completely fine with it. I thought she would call me a freak and storm out, but she was fine with it and we had a long talk afterwards about fantasies and I discovered that she was really cool with all of it. Now we talk about all our fantasies with each other. I am usually the one who initiates these fantasies or brings them up, but she's surprised me on occasion.
I've also found that after breaking down the barrier of talking about my incest fantasies it opened up the floodgates to all the other fantasies that I've had, and some I didn't even realize I had, but after hearing about some 'weird' kinks on some podcasts I just NEEDED to try, and now we've worked those fantasies into our repertoire.
It was a risk, but it was worth it in the end. I got some really good advice from a buddy of mine when I was considering if I should talk to her about all of this or not. He only knew that I had some 'fantasies' that I didn't share with my wife, and he told me, "It's really not your place to make the decision for her that she can't handle this information."
Good luck with it, I vote for telling her.
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I also have guilt over my fantasy, which is beast.
I was told once that in the kink community, "Your kink is OK, my kink is OK" so whenever I've come across something that made me think 'wow, that is so not for me' I remind myself, YKIOK/MKIOK, and I feel a lot better about myself.
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Honestly, honestly, and seriously, Fanta_C... I doubt whether anyone short of a dedicated expert will be able to remove your guilt, because that goes deep and way back, and who knows why.
But please, if this helps in even the slightest way, try to connect with your inner self and accept that you are what you are. You're most likely a really good guy. You're human, and because of yoiur guilt, you're possibly even a better guy than some of us.
I, neither, would put my taboo fantasies into practice, one reason is practicality, another reason is no real wish to harm or abuse an innocent being.
We humans have been given complex minds and complex thoughts. Do believe that what you feel in yourself and fantasize over is far from unusual. The person in the vehiucle next to you at the stop light is 20% likely to have a secret fetish (ok I made that up, but it could be the vehicle two back, but in that bunch at the stop light.. 100% guaranteed, one of them has the same extreme and taboo fantasies or very similar to yours.
Think of it as a gift, a pleasure, and revel in it. You're among like-minded people here, self-confessed "perverts"... it would be a shame not to share and enjoy.. without guilt!
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Read my signature.
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There's a funny thing about my own taboo fantasies. I've kept them locked up for years. I have a whole language around them. The internal cellar, the beast within, the baring of teeth, terms that refer to attributes and aspects of a hidden side of personality. I'm a sexual sadist, I get off on real - not simulated - pain and fear. This used to cause me a lot of stress. I'm a good guy, for the most part, and smiling coldly and contently, or baring my teeth with hunger and lust at what many would consider nightmares doesn't really mesh with that. I was afraid of my own potential, certain of my potential for predation as I clung to sheep's clothing. Now, sexual sadism is a degenerative psychological disorder if the fantasies of inflicting real suffering and fear are acted out non-consensually or if the fantasies induce stress for more than half a year. According to the head shrinks, anyways. It's been quite a few years before I made peace with it and found a way to channel it in a positive way. Who'd have guessed there are actually people who want that aspect of mine? People who want to be overpowered, and who want to be afraid, and who want to experience suffering? Not me, that's for sure :)
Talking about it with someone I could trust, someone who didn't judge, someone who was accepting of all parts of me, well, I think that ranks amongst the best things to have happened in my life. Such a load off my shoulders.
And here's the funny thing. As soon as I made peace with my fantasies the stress was gone, and with the stress gone, I no longer fit into the definition that labeled that aspect a psychological disorder. Just coming to terms with it made me healthier in so many ways.
Of course, if you're so inclined and go further than just that, you can decipher why you're actually having those fantasies. I know what drives mine, what's beneath that hunger for power, but that's something highly individualistic, and while it's not the case for me, perhaps sometimes a cigar is just a cigar, and a desire for incest is just a kink, rather than a manifestation of something else entirely.
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the only guilt over fantasies i have had are the fantasies i have not attempted to fufill
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the only guilt over fantasies i have had are the fantasies i have not attempted to fufill
Lucky you. Fulfilling your fantasies won't land you in jail and on the RSO list.
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the only guilt over fantasies i have had are the fantasies i have not attempted to fufill
I'm with you on that Amanda...
vinney
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the only guilt over fantasies i have had are the fantasies i have not attempted to fufill
Lucky you. Fulfilling your fantasies won't land you in jail and on the RSO list.
Not necessarily
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NOT feeling guilty here! ;D
(http://ravishpics.com/images/97219319691370323947.jpg)
... because I had to post SOMETHING to help force the political crap and infomercials off of the main page!
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I don't feel any guilt over my fantasies, but I don't hold any illusions of their ever being fulfilled either.
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NOT feeling guilty here! ;D
(http://ravishpics.com/images/97219319691370323947.jpg)
... because I had to post SOMETHING to help force the political crap and infomercials off of the main page!
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! I love you, mate!
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One should keep in mind that there is quite a difference between fantasy and desire. Desire is an active force that one would be willing to fullfill. Fantasy is masturbation fodder that helps us get off or temper our burning lust. Also, a fantasy would involve a degree of let down. Nothing EVER comes out perfectly when trying to meet the expectations of a fantasy. Desire seems to have an element of deeper more ingrained thoughts and actions that lend support to the outcome of the event. IMHO
Janus