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Offline GEMINIGUY

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Reply #100 on: May 07, 2012, 03:30:43 AM
Wives and teachers sure can be cold... :P The midget joke was a good one.

"If it's good enough for the Gemini Guys
Then it's good enough for me" - Adam Ant


Offline redhatlover

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Reply #101 on: May 07, 2012, 04:11:54 PM

Cause I'm Blonde

A girl came skipping home from school one day. "Mommy, Mommy," yelled, "we were counting today, and all the other kids could only couto four, but I
counted to 10. See? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10!"
"Very good," said her mother.
"Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy?"
'Yes, Honey, it's because you're blonde."

The next day the girl came skipping home FROM school. "Mommy, Mommy,"
She yelled, "we were saying the alphabet today, and all the other kids could only say it to D, but I said it to G. See? a, b, c, d, e,f, g!"
"Very good," said her mother.
"Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy?"
"Yes, Honey, it's because you're blonde."

The next day the girl came skipping home from school. "Mommy, Mommy,"
she yelled, "we were in gym class today, and when we showered, all the other girls had flat chests, but I have these! !" And she lifted her tank top to reveal a pair of 36Cs.
"Very good," said her embarrassed mother.
"Is it because I'm blonde, mommy?"
"No, Honey, it's because you're 25."


She really exists!!!

http://www.kristensboard.com/forums/index.php?topic=13569.0;topicseen

I am like Charlie the Tuna.  I don't want women with good taste, I want women who taste good.


Offline GEMINIGUY

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Reply #102 on: May 08, 2012, 07:15:30 AM
[This is an old one and may not be 'political correct' :P ] A doctor at a mental hospital took a group of the patients to a ballgame. Once at the game he led them to their seats and said "Sit, nuts!" and they all sat. When it was time for the National Anthem he said "Up, nuts!" and they stood up. After he told them to sit again. Not long after the vendor came around yelling "Get your popcorn! Peanuts!"

"If it's good enough for the Gemini Guys
Then it's good enough for me" - Adam Ant


Janus

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Reply #103 on: May 08, 2012, 12:46:48 PM
hehe....Cute

Janus



Offline vinney

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Reply #104 on: May 09, 2012, 01:49:40 AM
A Golfer's Perfect Shot

A golfer stood over his tee shot for what seemed like an eternity, looking up and down, measuring the distance, figuring out the wind direction and speed.

Finally his exasperated partner says, "What's taking so long? Why don't you hit the blasted ball."

The golfer answers, "My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse, so I want to make this a perfect shot."

His partner replied, "Forget it, man."

"You don't stand a chance in hell of hitting her from here!"

If you've got a cock then use it, if you're a lady abuse it.


Offline vinney

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Reply #105 on: May 09, 2012, 01:54:06 AM
In Too Far

A young man was showing off his new sports car to his girlfriend. She was thrilled at the speed.

"If I do 200mph, will you take off your clothes?" he asked.

"Yes!" said his adventurous girlfriend.

And as he gets up to 200, she peeled off all her clothes.

Unable to keep his eyes on the road, the car skidded onto some gravel and flipped over. The naked girl was thrown clear, but he was jammed beneath the steering wheel.

"Go and get help!" he cried.

"But I can't. I'm naked and my clothes are gone!"

"Take my shoe", he said, "and cover yourself."

Holding the shoe over her pubes, the girl ran down the road and found a service station. Still holding the shoe between her legs, she pleaded to the service station proprietor, "Please help me! My boyfriend's stuck!"

The proprietor looked at the shoe and said, "There's nothing I can do...he's in too far."

If you've got a cock then use it, if you're a lady abuse it.


Offline GEMINIGUY

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Reply #106 on: May 09, 2012, 07:41:18 AM
Was that a country joke? ;)

"If it's good enough for the Gemini Guys
Then it's good enough for me" - Adam Ant


TinyDancer

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Reply #107 on: May 09, 2012, 02:56:47 PM
 :emot_laughing:   You make my mornings vinney, always nice to start the day laughing.



Offline vinney

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Reply #108 on: May 10, 2012, 12:10:05 AM
Two deaf people got married.

During the first week of marriage, they found they were unable to communicate in the bedroom when they turn the lights off because they can't see each other using sign language.

After several nights of fumbling around and misunderstandings, the wife decides to find a solution.

"Honey," she signs, "Why don't we agree on some simple signals? For instance, at night, if you want to have sex with me, reach over and squeeze my right breast one time. If you don't want to have sex, reach over and squeeze my left breast one time."

The husband thinks this is a great idea and signs back to his wife,

"Great idea, now if you want to have sex with me, reach over and pull on my penis one time. but if you don't want to have sex, reach over and pull on my penis....fifty times."

If you've got a cock then use it, if you're a lady abuse it.


Offline vinney

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Reply #109 on: May 10, 2012, 12:15:46 AM
Back in the days of the old Wild Wild West...

Back in the days of the old Wild Wild West lived a guy named Red who used to have a lot of fun.

He rode into town like he usually did every Saturday night, and he went into the saloon and got drunk. All of his friends saw him drinking and decided to play a trick on him.

So they went outside and turned the saddle on his horse around. That way they figured when he got outside drunk and they put him on there, he would get on home the best way he could! So when it was time, he got real drunk and staggered outside, got up on his horse and rode off.

The next morning when he woke up he says, "My goodness!"

And his wife says, "What's a matter dear, don't you feel alright?"

He said, "Yeah, but I sure had a tough time getting home last night."

"Some son of a gun cut my horses head off, and I had to guide him all the way home with my finger sticking in his windpipe!"

If you've got a cock then use it, if you're a lady abuse it.


Offline vinney

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Reply #110 on: May 10, 2012, 12:18:29 AM
A young couple got married.

On their honeymoon, they were very anxious about having sex because they were both virgins. Because of their sexual inexperience, they were a bit uncomfortable discussing the subject so they came up with the term "doing the laundry" to use in place of "having sex."

This made them both more comfortable with the whole concept. Well, the first night of their honeymoon was wonderful. They "did the laundry" 5 times that first night. In the middle of the night the new husband woke up, and he was ready to do the laundry again. He gently shook his new wife and asked her, "Can we do the laundry again?" but she was very tired.

She told him that she just couldn't do it again just yet. Maybe in the morning. A few hours later the new wife awoke feeling very guilty. What he had asked for wasn't unreasonable, and she decided she should go ahead and "do the laundry" with him again.

She gently shook him and said, "Honey, I'm sorry I denied you... We can do the laundry again if you want,"

He replied, "That's ok... It was a small load... I did it by hand."

If you've got a cock then use it, if you're a lady abuse it.


Offline GEMINIGUY

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Reply #111 on: May 10, 2012, 02:06:52 AM
Great jokes! 'If you don't want to have sex, pull on my penis fifty times.' ;)

"If it's good enough for the Gemini Guys
Then it's good enough for me" - Adam Ant


Offline vinney

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Reply #112 on: May 10, 2012, 10:57:15 AM
50 times...?  Ought to be 69 times...

 :emot_laughing:

vinney

If you've got a cock then use it, if you're a lady abuse it.


Offline GEMINIGUY

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Reply #113 on: May 10, 2012, 11:32:46 AM
Hey, it was your joke, remember? :P

"If it's good enough for the Gemini Guys
Then it's good enough for me" - Adam Ant


TinyDancer

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Reply #114 on: May 10, 2012, 11:50:35 AM

He Said She Said


He said...Want a quickie?
 She said...As opposed to what?

He said...I don't know why you wear a bra you've got nothing to put in it.
 She said...You wear briefs, don't you?

He said...Do you love me just because my father left me a fortune?
 She said...Not at all honey, I would love you no matter who left you the money.

He said...This coffee isn't fit for a pig!
 She said...No problem, I'll get you some that is.

She said...What do you mean by coming home half drunk?
 He said...It's not my fault. I ran out of money.

He said...Since I first laid eyes on you, I've wanted to make love to you in the worst way.
 She said...Well, you succeeded.

He said...If you only could learn to make me a proper meal, then we could manage without the cook. And if you cleaned the house, we could fire the maid as well.
 She said...Darling, if you only could learn to satisfy me properly we could do without the gardener as well.

He said...You have a flat chest and need to shave your legs, have you ever been mistaken for a man?
 She said...No, have you?

He said...Why do you women always try to impress us with your looks, not with your brains?
 She said...Because there is a bigger chance that a man is a moron than he is blind.

He said...What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?
 She said...Turn sideways and look in the mirror.

He said...Why don't you tell me when you have an orgasm?
 She said...I would, but you're never there.



Offline GEMINIGUY

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Reply #115 on: May 10, 2012, 11:56:18 AM
HE SAID... Why are you all talk and no action? You talk about all the dirty things you'd do to me but you never do them. SHE SAID... Would you rather i said nothing at all?

"If it's good enough for the Gemini Guys
Then it's good enough for me" - Adam Ant


TinyDancer

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Reply #116 on: May 10, 2012, 12:04:01 PM
HE SAID:  You don't have boobs, you have booblets.

SHE SAID:  Why darlin' between my booblets and your dicklet we're a match made in heaven!

(True statement, hehe)



Offline GEMINIGUY

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Reply #117 on: May 10, 2012, 12:07:02 PM
But someone else's true statement, right? ;)

"If it's good enough for the Gemini Guys
Then it's good enough for me" - Adam Ant


Janus

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Reply #118 on: May 10, 2012, 01:14:36 PM
     A woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, but she dutifully stayed by his bedside every single day. One afternoon he finally opened his eyes. When he did, he looked at his wife and said, "You've always been with me through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support  me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you stayed with me, and when my health started failing, you were STILL by my side. So you know what?

    "What, dear?" his wife asked, smiling bravely.

    "I think you're really bad luck, he said..... :D

Janus



coacheric

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Reply #119 on: May 10, 2012, 01:44:36 PM
as told to my wife by our son

What has 52 teeth and holds back a monster

My Zipper