KRISTEN'S BOARD
KB - a better class of pervert

GEMINIGUY · **Reply #120 on:** May 10, 2012, 02:52:14 PM

Any guys here think their wife really is bad luck?

vinney · **Reply #121 on:** May 10, 2012, 06:34:01 PM

None of us would dare to...

vinney

coacheric · **Reply #122 on:** May 10, 2012, 06:35:25 PM

OH, we would dare to, just not outloud

Of course, that type of question could only be asked by someone not married

GEMINIGUY · **Reply #123 on:** May 10, 2012, 08:48:22 PM

That guy picked the worst time to tell his wife she was bad luck...

licksnkissez · **Reply #124 on:** May 11, 2012, 05:17:05 AM

Two women were out for a Saturday stroll. One had a Doberman and the other, a Chihuahua . As they walked down the street, the one with the Doberman said to her friend, "Let's go over to that bar for a drink."

The lady with the Chihuahua said, "We can't go in there.
We've got dogs with us."

The one with the Doberman said, "Just watch, and do as I do."

They walked over to the bar and the one with the Doberman put on a pair of dark glasses and started to walk in.
The bouncer at the door said, "Sorry, lady, no pets allowed."
The woman with the Doberman said, "You don't understand.
This is my seeing-eye dog."
The bouncer said, "A Doberman?"
The woman said, "Yes, they're using them now. They're very good."
The bouncer said, "OK, come on in."
The lady with the Chihuahua thought that convincing him that a Chihuahua was a seeing-eye dog may be a bit more difficult, but thought, "What the heck," so she put on her dark glasses and started to walk in.

Once again the bouncer said, "Sorry, lady, no pets allowed."
The woman said, "You don't understand. This is my seeing-eye dog"

The bouncer said, "A Chihuahua?"
The woman with the Chihuahua said, ........

"A Chihuahua ? They gave me a fucking Chihuahua ?!"

vinney · **Reply #125 on:** May 11, 2012, 11:43:35 AM

I didn't see that one coming...

vinney

coacheric · **Reply #126 on:** May 11, 2012, 02:35:09 PM

Little Johnny sees his mother walk out of the shower and sees her vagina.

He asks her what it is and she embarassed replies, "Oh, that's mommy's black sponge."

A few days later, Johnny spills a glass of milk on the floor and says, "Mommy, I need your black sponge to mop up the milk!"

She replies, "I lost it, honey."

A couple of days later, he comes running up to her and says, "Mommy, I found your black sponge!" Mystified, she says, "Where, honey?"

Little Johnny says, "It's over at Mrs. Johnson's house, and Daddy's washing his face in it!"

coacheric · **Reply #127 on:** May 11, 2012, 02:36:23 PM

One day two very loving parents got into a huge fight, the man called the women a "bitch" and the women called the man a "bastard".

Their son walked in and said "What does bitch and bastard mean?" and the parents replied "ladies and gentlemen".

The next day the parents decided to have sex, the women said "feel my titties" and the man said "feel my dick".

Their son walked in and asked "What does titties and dick mean?" and the parents replied "hats and coats".

On Thanksgiving the dad was shaving and he cut himself, "Shit" he said, the kid came in and asked "What's that mean" and the man said it was the brand shaving cream he was using.

Down stairs the mom was preparing the turkey, and she cut herself, "Fuck" she said. Once again the kid asked "What's that mean" the mom said that is what she calls stuffing the turkey.

Then the door bell rang. The kid answered the door to his relatives and said "Alright you bitches and bastards, put your dicks and titties in the closet, my dad is upstairs wiping the shit off his face, and my mom is in the kitchen fucking the turkey!

GEMINIGUY · **Reply #128 on:** May 11, 2012, 04:20:49 PM

Give that kid an A+ for using them all in one sentence!

buddyChrist · **Reply #129 on:** May 11, 2012, 04:44:59 PM

Hope I am not reposting anything.

Superman is flying one day, and happens to see Wonder Woman laying out naked on a roof. He thinks to himself "I am faster than a speeding bullet. I could fly down there, screw her, and fly away before she knows it."

Down he flies, bangs her as fast as he can, and flies away.

Wonder Woman looks around. "What the hell was that?"

"I dunno, but my ass is killing me!" says the invisible man.

buddyChrist · **Reply #130 on:** May 11, 2012, 04:47:47 PM

An old couple were sitting out on their porch one evening. The woman reaches over, and smacks her husband on the arm.
"Hey, what was that for?" he demands.
"That was for fifty years of bad sex."
They sit silently for a little while longer when he reaches over, and smacks her back.
"Why did you do that for?" she asks.
"That's for knowin' the difference!"

buddyChrist · **Reply #131 on:** May 11, 2012, 04:49:25 PM

Little Billy- "Mommy, mommy! I'm tired of running around in a circle!"
Mommy- "Shut up, or I will nail your other foot to the floor!"

buddyChrist · **Reply #132 on:** May 11, 2012, 04:57:21 PM

Bad pun time.

It's Schindler's lift!

coacheric · **Reply #133 on:** May 11, 2012, 05:15:51 PM

If we are posting inappropriate jokes

A professor at a University in Detroit was giving a lecture on Paranormal Studies

To get a feel for his audience, he asks, "How many people here believe in ghosts?"

About 90 students raise their hands.
"Well, that's a good start. Out of those who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you have seen a ghost?"

About 40 students raise their hands.

"That's really good. I'm really glad you take this seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost?"

About 15 students raise their hand.

"Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?

Three students raise their hands.

"That's fantastic. Now let me ask you one question further...Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?"

Way in the back, Hamad raises his hand

The professor takes off his glasses and says, "Son, all the years I've been giving this lecture, no one has ever claimed to have made love to a ghost. You've got to come up here and tell us about your experience."

The Middle Eastern student replied with a nod and a grin, and began to make his way up to the podium. When he reached the front of the room, the professor asks, "So, Hamad , tell us what it's like to have sex with a ghost?"

Hamad replied, "Oh, from way back there I thought you said Goats."

GEMINIGUY · **Reply #134 on:** May 11, 2012, 11:31:48 PM

Yeah, how did that old lady no the difference?

Bonenanza · **Reply #135 on:** May 12, 2012, 05:06:24 PM

A 90 year old man married a 19 year old girl and he was talking to his friend who was amazed and wanting to know all the details.

His friend asked "Is she a good cook?"

The old man said "She doesn't cook."

The friend then asked "Is she good in bed.?"

The old man answered "I don't know."

The friend, shaking his head "Then why did you marry her?"

The old man replied "Cause she can drive at night."

coacheric · **Reply #136 on:** May 12, 2012, 05:10:00 PM

LOL, can I find me one of them to. Night vision is not what it once was.

vinney · **Reply #137 on:** May 13, 2012, 01:35:48 AM

You Are My First

A guy out on the golf course takes a high speed ball right in the crotch. Writhing in agony, he falls to the ground, when he finally gets himself to the doctor.

He says, "How bad is it doc? I'm going on my honeymoon next week and my fiancée is still a virgin in every way."

The doc said , "I'll have to put your penis in a splint to let it heal and keep it straight. It should be okay next week."

So he took four tongue depressors and formed a neat little 4-sided bandage, and wired it all together; an impressive work of art.

The guy mentions none of this to his girl, marries, and on his honeymoon night in the motel room, she rips open her blouse to reveal a gorgeous set of breasts. This was the first time he saw them.

She says, "You are my FIRST, no one has ever touched these breasts."

He whips down his pants and says...

"Look at this, it's still in the CRATE!"

vinney · **Reply #138 on:** May 13, 2012, 01:39:21 AM

Unfaithful Wives

Paddy and his two friends are talking at a bar.

His first friend says: "I think my wife is having an affair with the electrician. The other day I came home and found wire cutters under our bed and they weren't mine."

His second friend says: "I think my wife is having an affair with the plumber. The other day I found a wrench under the bed and it wasn't mine."

Paddy says: "I think my wife is having an affair with a horse." Both his friends look at him with utter disbelief.

"No, I'm serious. The other day I came home and found a jockey under our bed."

vinney · **Reply #139 on:** May 13, 2012, 01:44:42 AM

Two dwarfs

Two dwarfs decide to treat themselves to a vacation in Las Vegas. At the hotel bar, they're dazzled by two women, and wind up taking them to their separate rooms.

The first dwarf is disappointed, however, as he's unable to reach a certain physical state that would enable him to make love with his date. His depression is enhanced by the fact that, from the next room, he hears cries of ONE, TWO, THREE...HUH! all night long.

In the morning, the second dwarf asks the first, "How did it go?".

The first whispers back, "It was so embarrassing. I simply couldn't get an erection".

The second dwarf shook his head. "You think that's embarrassing? I couldn't even get on the bed!"

Joke of the Day

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