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Offline vinney

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Reply #180 on: May 18, 2012, 07:09:48 PM
No GG... gotta say I love redheads... hot stuff... and ok... some may be hot-headed... but I told 'em all that it was dear friend Geminiguy who insisted on having the jokes posted...

 :roll:

good luck...!

vinney

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Offline GEMINIGUY

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Reply #181 on: May 18, 2012, 07:16:15 PM
No worries. I can deal with redheads... :P

"If it's good enough for the Gemini Guys
Then it's good enough for me" - Adam Ant


TinyDancer

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Reply #182 on: May 18, 2012, 10:02:03 PM

Weather Forecasting

It was October and the Indians on a remote reservation asked their new Chief if the coming winter was going to be cold or mild. Since he was a Chief in a modern society he had never been taught the old secrets. When he looked at the sky he couldn't tell what the winter was going to be like.
Nevertheless, to be on the safe side he told his tribe that the winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members of the village should collect firewood to be prepared. But being a practical leader, after several days he got an idea. He went to the phone booth, called the National Weather Service and asked, "Is the coming winter going to be cold?" "It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold," the meteorologist at the weather service responded.
So the Chief went back to his people and told them to collect even more firewood in order to be prepared. A week later he called the National Weather Service again. "Does it still look like it is going to be a very cold winter?" "Yes," the man at National Weather Service again replied, "it's going to be a very cold winter."
The Chief again went back to his people and ordered them to collect every scrap of firewood they could find. Two weeks later the Chief called the National Weather Service again. "Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?"
"Absolutely," the man replied. "It's looking more and more like it is going to be one of the coldest winters ever." "How can you be so sure?" the Chief asked. The weatherman replied, "The Indians are collecting firewood like crazy."



Offline vinney

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Reply #183 on: May 19, 2012, 12:05:33 AM
 :emot_laughing:

Typical...!  Over here weather forecasters have trouble telling you what the weather was like yesterday...!

vinney

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Offline GEMINIGUY

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Reply #184 on: May 19, 2012, 01:04:31 AM
Since when can weathermen predict the weather let alone the future? :)

"If it's good enough for the Gemini Guys
Then it's good enough for me" - Adam Ant


TinyDancer

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Reply #185 on: May 19, 2012, 01:40:07 AM
On the new the other day there was a clip of Prince Charles doing the weather.  He was actually pretty good at it. 



Offline vinney

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Reply #186 on: May 19, 2012, 11:14:41 AM
Yep Becca he was... bet you didn't realise the Royal Family were that hard up they needed part time jobs to make ends meet...

vinney

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Offline vinney

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Reply #187 on: May 20, 2012, 01:22:21 AM
THE SUNBURNT MEMBER

A young man finally got a date with the blonde female that lived in his apartment complex. To prepare for his big date, the young man went up on to the roof of his apartment building in order to tan himself. Not wanting any tan lines to show, he sunbathed in the nude.

Unfortunately, the young man fell asleep while on the roof and managed to get sunburn on his "tool of the trade". But, he was determined not to miss his date, so he put some lotion on his manhood and wrapped it in gauze.

The blonde showed up for the date at his apartment, and the young man treated her to a home cooked dinner, after which they went into the living room to watch a movie. During the movie, however, the young man's sunburn started acting up again. He asked to be excused, went into the kitchen and poured a tall, cool glass of milk.

He then placed his sunburned member in the milk and experienced immediate relief of his pain. The blonde, however, wondering what he was doing, wandered into the kitchen to see him with his member immersed in a glass of milk.

Upon seeing this, the blonde exclaimed, "So that's how you guys load those things!"

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Offline vinney

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Reply #188 on: May 20, 2012, 01:24:28 AM
THE BLONDE CONTRUCTION WORKERS

Two blondes were working on a house. The one who was nailing down siding, would reach into her nail pouch, pull out a nail and either toss it over her shoulder or nail it in. The other blonde, figuring this was worth looking into, asked, "Why are you throwing those nails away?"

The first blonde explained, "If I pull a nail out of my pouch and it's pointed TOWARD me I throw it away 'cause it's defective. If it's pointed toward the HOUSE,
then I nail it in!"

The second blonde got really angry and yelled, "You moron! The nails pointed toward you aren't defective! They're for the OTHER side of the house!"

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TinyDancer

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Reply #189 on: May 20, 2012, 01:24:49 AM
ROFL.....damn vinney that was funny, you sure know how to pick them.  Thanks sugar!



Offline GEMINIGUY

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Reply #190 on: May 20, 2012, 02:30:23 AM
I wonder how the blonde thought we loaded 'em...

"If it's good enough for the Gemini Guys
Then it's good enough for me" - Adam Ant


Offline vinney

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Reply #191 on: May 20, 2012, 01:02:45 PM
Intelligence test:

Patrick O’Reilly went for a job on a building site where he was told he must have an intelligence test before that could give him the job.

‘Sure.’ Patrick agreed.

He was taken into the yard and shown a wall where five shovels rested.

‘Now Patrick, I’d like you to take your pick.’

Patrick walked over and examined the shovels, looking puzzled he turned round and said,

‘Oh bejezus, I can’t find a pick...’

Needless to say he passed the test and got the job.

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Offline vinney

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Reply #192 on: May 20, 2012, 01:07:20 PM
Paddy O’Malley was driving the Belfast to Dublin express train when he saw ahead of him the level crossing gates were only half open. He rammed on the brakes and the train came to a shuddering halt outside the signal box, not yards from the crossing gates.

Paddy rushed up the steps into the box and shouted at the signalman,

‘Seamus O’Toole, why are the crossing gates only half open...?’

Pouring a cup of tea Seamus replied,

‘Ah Paddy, ‘tis like this, you see, I was only half expecting you!’

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TinyDancer

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Reply #193 on: May 20, 2012, 02:56:51 PM

Law Can Be So Dirty

TOP TEN THINGS THAT SOUND DIRTY IN LAW
BUT AREN'T:

10. Have you looked through her briefs?

9. He is one hard judge!

8. Counselor, let's do it in chambers.

7. Her attorney withdrew at the last minute.

6. Is it a penal offense?

5. Better leave the handcuffs on.

4. For $200 an hour, she better be good!

3. Can you get him to drop his suit?

2. The judge gave her the stiffest one he could.

And the number one thing that sounds dirty in law but isn't:

1. Think you can get me off?



Janus

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Reply #194 on: May 20, 2012, 04:23:31 PM
Ha Ha .....I remember that one...It was posted earlier...Great one too... :D

Janus



Offline insatiable

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Reply #195 on: May 20, 2012, 04:52:44 PM
Q. How did Helen Keller lose her virginity?
A. Somebody left the plunger in the toilet.


Q. How did Hellen Keller's parents punish her?
A. Rearranged her room.


Q. What do you call Helen Keller and Ray Charles playing tennis?
A. Endless Love


Q. How did Helen Keller's parent's kept her busy?
A. They put her in a round room and told her to sit in the corner.


Q. What did Helen Keller say when she put down the cheese grater?
A. That's the worst book I ever read!





Q. And why does Helen Keller only masturbate with one hand?
A. She moans with the other.

Something about something by someone important.


Offline insatiable

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Reply #196 on: May 20, 2012, 08:32:10 PM
Images of Michael Jackson are to appear on cans of Pepsi to mark the 25th anniversary of the release of his album 'Bad'.

So, nearly 3 years after his death, he's still finding his way down children's throats.

Something about something by someone important.


Offline joan1984

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Reply #197 on: May 20, 2012, 10:12:59 PM
Oh NO you did'nt... fun

Images of Michael Jackson are to appear on cans of Pepsi to mark the 25th anniversary of the release of his album 'Bad'.

So, nearly 3 years after his death, he's still finding his way down children's throats.

Some people are like the 'slinky'. Not really good for much,
but they bring a smile to your face as they fall down stairs.


Offline vinney

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Reply #198 on: May 21, 2012, 11:57:48 AM
Hot Air Ballooning

A man is lost in a hot air balloon somewhere over Ireland.

He looks down and sees a farmer and shouts to him, "Where am I?"

The Irish farmer looks up and shouts back, "You can't kid me ya bastard, you're in that fucking basket!"

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Offline vinney

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Reply #199 on: May 21, 2012, 12:08:09 PM
Suspect I'll upset a few ladies with this... but... I'm sorry... really I am...

Male Chauvinist Pigs FAQ's

1.Q. What is worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A. A woman that won't do as she is told.

2.Q. How many men does it take to open a beer?
A. None. It should be opened when she brings it to you.

3.Q. Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
A. Because a woman who can't afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.

4.Q. Why do women have smaller feet than men?
A. It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.

5.Q. How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
A. When she starts a sentence with "A man once told me..."

6.Q. How do you fix a woman's watch?
A. You don't. They don't need one. There's a clock on the oven.

7.Q. If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
A. The dog of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.

8.Q. What food have scientists discovered that diminishes a woman's sex drive.
A. Yes, it's Wedding Cake.

9.Q. Why do men die before their wives?
A. The simple answer is because they want to.

10.Q. Will women ever be equal to men?
A. Not until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.




Well... I did say I was sorry...

vinney

If you've got a cock then use it, if you're a lady abuse it.