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Offline redhatlover

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Reply #2700 on: November 19, 2014, 02:31:31 PM
Describes politicians perfectly!

I am like Charlie the Tuna.  I don't want women with good taste, I want women who taste good.

Offline Sensualtravler

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Reply #2701 on: November 19, 2014, 05:58:55 PM
Wubbs calls her neighbor and says, "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get started."
Her neighbor asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"
Wubbs says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a rooster."
Her neighbor decides to go over and help with the puzzle.
She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.
He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says,
"First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster."
He takes her hand and says, "Secondly, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then," he said with a deep sigh .............





"Let's put all the Corn Flakes

back in the box."

 :emot_laughing: :emot_laughing: :emot_laughing: :emot_laughing: :emot_laughing:










« Last Edit: November 19, 2014, 06:04:25 PM by Sensualtravler »

"To anger a conservative, lie to him. To anger a liberal, tell him the truth."

Online msslave

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Reply #2702 on: November 19, 2014, 06:40:59 PM
Good one! :emot_laughing: :emot_laughing: :emot_laughing: :emot_laughing:

Well trained and been made compliant....by my cat Neville

Offline GEMINIGUY

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Reply #2703 on: November 20, 2014, 12:32:24 AM
OUCH! lol I'm waiting to see how she reacts to that one... ;-)

"If it's good enough for the Gemini Guys
Then it's good enough for me" - Adam Ant

Offline Well Behaved Lady

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Reply #2704 on: November 20, 2014, 12:50:42 AM
Trav you old goat ;D


Offline Sensualtravler

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Reply #2705 on: November 20, 2014, 09:06:16 AM
Quote from: Geminiguy on November 20, 2014, 12:32:24 AM
OUCH! lol I'm waiting to see how she reacts to that one... ;-)

Still trying to piece that "cock" together Gem so she can 'Wubb' one out.  ;D ;D ;D

"To anger a conservative, lie to him. To anger a liberal, tell him the truth."

TinyDancer

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Reply #2706 on: November 20, 2014, 01:07:45 PM

This lady walks into her boss's office one day and says, "Sir, I'd like to file a sexual harassment complaint."

Her boss says, "Well what's your complaint?"

She says, "My co-worker Joe said my hair smelled nice."

The boss says, "That's really not sexual harassment."

The lady counters, "But, Joe's a midget!"


Online msslave

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Reply #2707 on: November 20, 2014, 04:22:53 PM
TD!!!!  That's a really low joke. :emot_laughing:

Well trained and been made compliant....by my cat Neville

Offline GEMINIGUY

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Reply #2708 on: November 20, 2014, 10:31:23 PM
I had the actor her played Tattoo on Fantasy Island would go up under women's skirts. I bet he told them their hair smelled great too... ;-)

"If it's good enough for the Gemini Guys
Then it's good enough for me" - Adam Ant

Offline GEMINIGUY

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Reply #2709 on: November 20, 2014, 10:32:03 PM
*I heard the actor

"If it's good enough for the Gemini Guys
Then it's good enough for me" - Adam Ant

Offline Sensualtravler

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Reply #2710 on: November 21, 2014, 02:25:55 PM
The lawyer says: "I have good news and bad news."

The CEO replies: "I've had an awful day, let's hear the good news first."

The lawyer says:

"Your wife invested $20,000 in five pictures that are worth a minimum of $2
million."

The CEO replies enthusiastically:

"Well done, that is very good news indeed!

You've made my day; now what is the bad news?"

The lawyer answers: "They are pictures of you in bed with your secretary."

 :emot_weird: :emot_angry:

"To anger a conservative, lie to him. To anger a liberal, tell him the truth."

Offline smugdingus

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Reply #2711 on: November 21, 2014, 07:54:43 PM
Quote from: Sensualtravler on November 21, 2014, 02:25:55 PM
The lawyer says: "I have good news and bad news."

The CEO replies: "I've had an awful day, let's hear the good news first."

The lawyer says:

"Your wife invested $20,000 in five pictures that are worth a minimum of $2
million."

The CEO replies enthusiastically:

"Well done, that is very good news indeed!

You've made my day; now what is the bad news?"

The lawyer answers: "They are pictures of you in bed with your secretary."

 :emot_weird: :emot_angry:




OUCH!
Good one!


TinyDancer

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Reply #2712 on: November 21, 2014, 08:19:58 PM
LOL.....karma is a bitch! 


Offline vinney

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Reply #2713 on: November 25, 2014, 12:32:24 AM
At a club last night, I got talking to a really attractive 60-year-old.

I found myself thinking..... I bet she's got a really hot daughter.

We shared a bottle of wine, then she asked me if I'd ever had a "Sportman's Double?".

"What's that?" I asked.

"It's a mother and daughter threesome," she said.

"Oh!" I said, as my mind embraced the idea. "No, I haven't," I replied, wondering what her daughter might look like.

We drank a bit more, then she says with a wink, then it's "Your Lucky Night."

Arriving back to her place, she switched the hall light on and shouted upstairs, "Mom, are you still awake?"

If you've got a cock then use it, if you're a lady abuse it.

Offline vinney

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Reply #2714 on: November 25, 2014, 12:33:44 AM
Two Red Indians and an Irishman were walking through the woods.

Suddenly, one of the Red Indians ran up a hill to the mouth of a small cave.

"Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!" he called into the cave and listened closely until he heard a reply, "Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!" Then he tore off his clothes and ran into the cave.

The puzzled Irishman asked the remaining Indian, "Is he crazy?"

The Indian replied, "No, it's our custom during the mating season when Indian man see cave, they holler 'Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!' into the opening. If they get an answer back, it means there's a beautiful squaw in there waiting for us."

Just then, they came upon another cave. The second Indian ran up to the cave and hollered, "Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!" Immediately, there was an answer, "Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!" from deep inside. He also tore off his clothes and ran into the opening.

The Irishman wandered around the woods alone for a while, and then spied a third very large cave.

As he looked in amazement at the size of the huge opening, he thought to himself, "Look at the size of this cave! It's way bigger than the Indians found. There may be a really big, fine women in this cave!"

He stood in front of the opening and hollered with all his might, "Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!"

Like the others, he heard an answering call, "WOOOOOOOO, WOOOOOOOO, WOOOOOOOO!"

With a gleam in his eye, he raced into the cave, tearing off his clothes as he ran.

Scroll Down









The following day, the headlines of a local newspaper read.....

NAKED IRISHMAN RUN OVER BY TRAIN!

If you've got a cock then use it, if you're a lady abuse it.

Offline vinney

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Reply #2715 on: November 25, 2014, 12:35:38 AM
David Beckham, when not playing football that day, decides to go horse riding.

Although he has no previous experience, he skillfully mounts the horse and appears in complete control as the horse gallops along at a steady pace.

Victoria watches him admiringly.

After a while, David becomes a little too casual and begins to lose his grip in the saddle. He panics and grabs the horse round it's neck and calls for it to stop.

Victoria screams and shouts for someone to help.

David slips completely out of the saddle and is only saved from hitting the ground because he is still clutching the horse's neck.

David decides his best chance is to leap away, but his foot becomes entangled in the stirrup!

David's head is now banging along the ground and he is slipping into unconsciousness. Victoria is frantic and screaming!

Hearing her screams, one of the Supermarket Security Guards comes out of the store and unplugs the horse.

If you've got a cock then use it, if you're a lady abuse it.

Offline GEMINIGUY

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Reply #2716 on: November 25, 2014, 03:37:02 AM
lol You haven't lost your touch, Vinney! That last one was VERY bad. ;-)

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Then it's good enough for me" - Adam Ant

Offline vinney

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Reply #2717 on: November 25, 2014, 11:33:13 AM
 :emot_laughing:

Thanks GG

vinney

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Offline vinney

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Reply #2718 on: November 25, 2014, 11:21:57 PM
Doctor Dave had slept with one of his patients, and felt guilty about it all day long.

No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he just couldn't. The guilt and sense of betrayal was overwhelming.

But, every once in a while, he'd hear an internal reassuring voice in his head that said: "Dave, don't worry about it. You aren't the first medical practitioner to sleep with one of their patients and you won't be the last. And you're single. Just let it go."

Invariably, another voice in his head would bring him back to reality whispering: "But Dave.....you're a vet."

If you've got a cock then use it, if you're a lady abuse it.

Offline vinney

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Reply #2719 on: November 25, 2014, 11:24:30 PM
Into a Belfast pub comes Paddy Murphy, looking like he'd just been run over by a train. His arm is in a sling, his nose is broken, his face is cut and bruised and he's walking with a limp.

"What happened to you?" asks Sean, the bartender.

"Jamie O'Conner and me had a fight," says Paddy.

"That little squirt, O'Conner," says Sean, "He couldn't do that to you, he must have had something in his hand."

"That he did," says Paddy, "a shovel is what he had, and a terrible lickin' he gave me with it."

"Well," says Sean, "you should have defended yourself, didn't you have something in your hand?"

That I did," said Paddy, "Mrs. O'Conner's breast, but it didn't help much."

If you've got a cock then use it, if you're a lady abuse it.

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