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Author Topic: Joke of the Day  (Read 231483 times)
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msslave
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« Reply #3480 on: December 30, 2019, 08:53:47 PM »

(sigh) Thanks Watcher... story of my life facepalm
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« Reply #3481 on: December 31, 2019, 03:22:13 PM »


“I can’t believe that you’ve been visiting prostitutes for sex,” my wife screamed at me. “I’m really disappointed.”

“You can hardly blame me,” I answered. “It’s not like I was getting any from you.”

“Well that’s your fault,” she replied. “You never told me you were willing to pay for it.”


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ToeinH2O
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« Reply #3482 on: January 05, 2020, 03:47:29 AM »

My wife and I went to the auction mart at Tralee the other week and one of the first exhibits we stopped at was the breeding bulls. We went up to the first pen and there was a sign attached that said,

'THIS BULL MATED 50 TIMES LAST YEAR'

My wife playfully nudged me in the ribs ......smiled and said, 'He mated 50 times last year, that's almost once a week.'

We walked to the second pen which had a sign attached that said,
''THIS BULL MATED 150 TIMES LAST YEAR'

My wife gave me a healthy jab and said, 'WOW~~That's more than twice a week ! ...........You could learn a lot from him.'

We walked to the third pen and it had a sign attached that said, in capital letters,
'THIS BULL MATED 365 TIMES LAST YEAR

'My wife was so excited that her elbow nearly broke my ribs, and said,
'That's once a day ..You could REALLY learn something from this one.'

I looked at her and said,
'Go over and ask him if  every time was with the same old cow.'

My condition has been upgraded from critical to stable and I should eventually make a full recovery.
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ChirpingGirl
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« Reply #3483 on: January 05, 2020, 04:05:47 AM »

It’s the police, ma’am. Your son’s been hit by a drunk driver, he’s dead.

There is no punchline. It’s not a joke.
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msslave
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« Reply #3484 on: January 05, 2020, 02:37:08 PM »

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msslave
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« Reply #3485 on: January 08, 2020, 06:10:30 PM »


Now I'm starting to understand why it's been so long since I've gotten any action at home. emot_laughing
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« Reply #3486 on: January 09, 2020, 12:24:40 AM »


Now I'm starting to understand why it's been so long since I've gotten any action at home. emot_laughing

Mind your knees missus... stand up too quickly and you'll knee cap yourself... Grin
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« Reply #3487 on: January 09, 2020, 12:36:30 PM »

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Princess, would you like to see it light up and hum when I wave it about
msslave
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« Reply #3488 on: January 09, 2020, 01:16:18 PM »

Good follow up to my cartoon. 

BTW...I love the saggy ones. facepalm
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« Reply #3489 on: January 10, 2020, 09:11:07 PM »

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ToeinH2O
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« Reply #3490 on: January 11, 2020, 04:45:58 PM »

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MintJulie
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« Reply #3491 on: January 12, 2020, 03:23:37 PM »

hahaha   you're a goof.
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« Reply #3492 on: January 12, 2020, 06:58:29 PM »

« Last Edit: January 12, 2020, 07:14:22 PM by MintJulie » Logged

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« Reply #3493 on: January 13, 2020, 04:04:57 PM »

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msslave
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« Reply #3494 on: January 13, 2020, 06:42:05 PM »

The Rehab center had been successful at getting people off drugs and on to leading a "straight" life.  As a result several clients had been discharged and there were a number of beds that needed to be filled to keep the operation profitable.

Two senior clients nearly ready to graduate were sent out to a couple groups of young people to try and recruit more business.

The first one came back with three new clients.  The director was impressed and he asked the guy how he'd convinced three people to enter into recovery.

"It was easy", he said.  "First I drew a large circle O, and said this is your brain. Next I drew a small circle o and told them this is your brain on drugs. These three signed up right away."

A while later, the other recruiter came back with six new candidates.

"Wow!" the director said. "How did you get twice as many people to enroll?"

"Well, I took a similar but slightly different approach to the other guy."  First I drew a small circle o.  Then I drew a large circle O. I pointed to the small circle and said this is your butt hole. Pointing to the large circle, I said this is your butt hole in prison."   
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