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Author Topic: Joke of the Day  (Read 231474 times)
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ToeinH2O
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« Reply #3525 on: February 19, 2020, 01:51:57 AM »

Last week, we took some friends out to a new restaurant, and noticed that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket. It seemed a little strange.

When the waiter brought our water and cutlery, I noticed he also had a spoon in his shirt pocket. Then I looked around and saw that all the staff had spoons in their pockets.

When the waiter came back to serve our soup I asked, "Why the spoon?" "Well, "he explained, "the restaurant’s owners hired Andersen Consulting to revamp all our processes. After several months of analysis, they concluded that the spoon was the most frequently dropped piece of cutlery. It represents a drop frequency of approximately 3 spoons per table per hour. If our staff are better prepared, we can reduce the number of trips back to the kitchen and save 15 man-hours per shift."

As luck would have it, I dropped my spoon and he was able to replace it with his spare. "I’ll get another spoon next time I go to the kitchen instead of making an extra trip to get it right now." I was impressed.

I also noticed that there was a string hanging out of the waiter’s zip on his trousers. Looking around, I noticed that all the waiters had the same string hanging from their flies. So before he walked off, I asked the waiter, "Excuse me, but can you tell me why you have that string right there?"

"Oh, certainly!" Then he lowered his voice. "Not everyone is so observant. That consulting firm I mentioned also found out that we can save time in the rest-room. By tying this string to the tip of you know what, we can pull it out without touching it and eliminate the need to wash our hands, shortening the time spent in the rest-room by 76.39 per cent."

I asked "After you get it out, how do you put it back?"

"Well," he whispered, "I don’t know about the others, but I use the spoon."
« Last Edit: February 19, 2020, 02:19:13 AM by ToeinH2O » Logged
msslave
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« Reply #3526 on: February 19, 2020, 03:28:27 AM »

Just a few weeks ago I was remembering parts of this joke.  I knew the punch line about the "other" use for the spoon...just couldn't remember the set up.

Now my old mind can rest easy...until I forget again. facepalm emot_laughing
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« Reply #3527 on: February 19, 2020, 01:36:38 PM »

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ObiDongKenobi
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« Reply #3528 on: February 19, 2020, 03:47:12 PM »

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Princess, would you like to see it light up and hum when I wave it about
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« Reply #3529 on: February 21, 2020, 01:54:15 PM »

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« Reply #3530 on: February 21, 2020, 04:44:53 PM »

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Princess, would you like to see it light up and hum when I wave it about
MintJulie
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« Reply #3531 on: February 21, 2020, 04:46:58 PM »

That's funny, Obi.
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Army of One
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« Reply #3532 on: February 27, 2020, 11:41:13 PM »

Girl: [seductively] I like it when guys lick my pussy.
Guy: [clueless] You do realise cats can clean themselves, right?
« Last Edit: February 27, 2020, 11:44:17 PM by Army of One » Logged
Shiela_M
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« Reply #3533 on: February 28, 2020, 10:19:05 PM »

So I get on an elevator today and this gentlemen gets on with me.  Hes not crowding me but hes standing a bit close so I move away.  Then I notice he leans slightly closer to me.  I move a but further away and I'm now in the corner.  I keep looking at him wondering what his problem is.

He suddenly turns to me and asks "excuse me miss, but can I smell your vagina?"

Taken back I get pissed and yell "NO"

He replies with "oh, sorry, that must be your feet."
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ToeinH2O
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« Reply #3534 on: March 02, 2020, 04:07:41 PM »

Albert dies suddenly and after two weeks away from him, his widow Joan, is desperate to make contact. She and Mendel the medium sit in Mendel's darkened studio.

"Albert are you there?” cries Joan.

After 20 long minutes of silence a voice calls out from the wall.  “Yes, I'm here!"

"ALBERT,  is it really you?"

"Yes, it's me!"

"How are you?"

"OK"

"What's it like over there? What  do you do all day?"

"Well, I get up at 6 o'clock and have my breakfast. Then I go out for a swim, have a rest, make love. Then I have my lunch. After lunch I have a rest then I go out for a swim come back and make love.  Then I have a quick swim, come back, and have my supper, make love, and then go to bed!”

"Is every day like that?"

"Every day, regular!"

"I don't understand, when you were alive you didn't eat regularly, never rested in the day, never made love, and never went swimming!"

"Well when I was alive I wasn't a duck."
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« Reply #3535 on: March 02, 2020, 04:10:31 PM »

The life of a duck! 
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« Reply #3536 on: March 02, 2020, 04:30:11 PM »

That quacked me up.
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« Reply #3537 on: March 04, 2020, 01:35:25 PM »

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ToeinH2O
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« Reply #3538 on: March 04, 2020, 02:41:24 PM »

I beat you... 


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msslave
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« Reply #3539 on: March 04, 2020, 03:29:27 PM »

Ah...the good ones never die emot_laughing
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