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Author Topic: Joke of the Day  (Read 231487 times)
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ToeinH2O
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« Reply #3540 on: March 08, 2020, 01:20:56 AM »

My wife told me to take the spider out instead of killing him. Went out. Had a few drinks. Nice guy. He’s a web designer.
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Jed_
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« Reply #3541 on: March 08, 2020, 03:06:38 AM »

My wife told me to take the spider out instead of killing him. Went out. Had a few drinks. Nice guy. He’s a web designer.



That he is a she, lol.


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ToeinH2O
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« Reply #3542 on: March 08, 2020, 07:54:25 AM »

A successful rancher died and left everything to his devoted wife.
 
She was a  very good-looking woman and determined to keep the ranch, but knew very little about ranching, so she decided to place an ad in the newspaper for a ranch hand.
 
Two cowboys applied for the job. One was gay and the other a drunk.
 
She thought long and hard about it, and when no one else applied she decided to hire the gay guy, figuring it would be safer to have him around the house than the drunk.
 
He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours every day and knew a lot about ranching.
 
For weeks, the two of them worked, and the ranch was doing very well.
 
Then one day, the rancher's widow said to the hired hand, "You have done a really good job, and the ranch looks great. You should go into town and kick up your heels." The hired hand readily agreed and went into town one Saturday night.
 
One o'clock came, however, and he didn't return.

Two o'clock and no hired hand.
 
Finally he returned a round two-thirty, and upon entering the room, he found the rancher's widow sitting by the fireplace with a glass of wine, waiting for him.
 
She quietly called him over to her..
 
"Unbutton my blouse and take it off," she said.

Trembling, he did as she directed. "Now take off my boots."

He did as she asked, ever so slowly.. "Now take off my socks."

He removed each gently and placed them neatly by her boots.

"Now take off my skirt."

He slowly unbuttoned it, constantly watching her eyes in the fire light.

"Now take off my bra.." Again, with trembling hands, he did as he was told and dropped it to the floor.

Then she looked at him and said, "If you ever wear my clothes into town again, you're fired."
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purpleshoes
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« Reply #3543 on: March 09, 2020, 01:14:55 PM »

Just a heads up. Or warning.

This week started with losing an hour to the semi-annual insanity called Daylight Saving Time.

There will be a full moon this week.

The work week ends on Friday the 13th.

Good luck people. Just sayin'

PS: Don't forget to wash your hands... a lot!
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msslave
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« Reply #3544 on: March 12, 2020, 11:13:39 PM »

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MintJulie
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« Reply #3545 on: March 18, 2020, 11:42:09 PM »


Dan is paying the neighbor kid $10/day to pick up poop in our yard.

$30 later, the kid just now realized we don't have a dog.


#out-of-tp

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msslave
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« Reply #3546 on: March 19, 2020, 12:06:39 AM »


Dan is paying the neighbor kid $10/day to pick up poop in our yard.

$30 later, the kid just now realized we don't have a dog.


#out-of-tp


Eweeee! facepalm
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watcher1
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« Reply #3547 on: March 21, 2020, 07:52:45 PM »

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msslave
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« Reply #3548 on: March 22, 2020, 02:36:18 AM »

F**k'n Internet!  I checked before going to the grocery store...said I'd be safe with just gloves and a face mask.

LIE!!!

Everyone else had on clothes too. facepalm
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« Reply #3549 on: March 22, 2020, 03:07:47 AM »

F**k'n Internet!  I checked before going to the grocery store...said I'd be safe with just gloves and a face mask.

LIE!!!

Everyone else had on clothes too. facepalm

hahaha   
Funny, MS
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purpleshoes
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« Reply #3550 on: March 22, 2020, 02:43:06 PM »

F**k'n Internet!  I checked before going to the grocery store...said I'd be safe with just gloves and a face mask.

LIE!!!

Everyone else had on clothes too. facepalm

But I bet no one got within 6 feet of you. Cheesy
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Shiela_M
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« Reply #3551 on: March 22, 2020, 07:21:20 PM »

Walking through Walgreen looking for any type of sanitizer but all the shelves are empty.  Not even travel size. Then this guy walks up to me and whispers

"I got what you're looking for.  My dick dispenses purell."

My reply

"How dumb do you think I am, I'm not falling for that twice."
« Last Edit: March 22, 2020, 08:07:44 PM by Shiela_M » Logged

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« Reply #3552 on: March 22, 2020, 10:50:04 PM »

F**k'n Internet!  I checked before going to the grocery store...said I'd be safe with just gloves and a face mask.

LIE!!!

Everyone else had on clothes too. facepalm

Was that you hanging out at the frozen food section?
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msslave
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« Reply #3553 on: March 22, 2020, 11:13:44 PM »

F**k'n Internet!  I checked before going to the grocery store...said I'd be safe with just gloves and a face mask.

LIE!!!

Everyone else had on clothes too. facepalm

Was that you hanging out at the frozen food section?
Nope... with all the cold air from the freezers I was so shriveled that nothing was "hanging".
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msslave
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« Reply #3554 on: March 24, 2020, 02:11:00 AM »

A man walked into a bar.

The bartender said, "Get the fuck outta here!"
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