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Joke of the Day

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Online msslave

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Reply #3705 on: December 22, 2020, 09:19:00 PM
Shielas extended story:

I referred to this as a shaggy dog story. They were popular pre internet and took second place to "groaner" under puns.

As the KB elder, maybe there's many of you who don't know what a shaggy dog story is. So......

In its original sense, a shaggy dog story or yarn is an extremely long-winded anecdote characterized by extensive narration of typically irrelevant incidents and terminated by an anticlimax. Shaggy dog stories play upon the audience's preconceptions of joke-telling.

I think young Shiela may be getting these from her dad, or not. I love 'em. (groannnnn)

Well trained and been made compliant....by our two cats.


Online msslave

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Reply #3706 on: December 22, 2020, 09:23:20 PM
The Butcher Story
One day a dog walked into a butcher's shop just before closing with an envelope in its mouth. The butcher took the envelope and found that it contained a request for a leg of ham, along with the proper amount of money. The butcher was more than a little surprised and confused but got the dog his order. The dog took the leg in its mouth and headed out the door. The butcher decided to follow the dog since it was almost closing time and he was unlikely to get any more customers. The dog headed down the street for a bit before stopping at a bus stop, he seemed to look at the time table for a moment and then sat down next to a bench. Several busses came and went and the dog did not move. Eventually a bus came to the stop and the dog looked at it number and got on. The butcher, now thoroughly perplexed, followed the dog onto the bus and noticed that the dog had a bus pass on his collar. The dog put the leg of ham down then expertly took the pass in his mouth, stood up on his hind legs, and scanned the pass, then picking back up the ham before walking to an empty seat. The butcher also got on the bus, paying a one time fee, and headed back to sit across from the dog. They rode for some time before eventually coming to a neighborhood and getting off at a curbside. The dog walked up the street before coming to a house and heading up the drive. Then to the butcher's surprise, the dog did the strangest thing, he set down the ham and ran full force into the door. He did this several more times until a man came out and started yelling at the dog, calling him useless and stupid. The butcher ran up to the man and said "Sir! Why are you calling this dog stupid? He is clearly a genius." "Not so." replied the man, "This is the third time this week he forgot his keys."

Well trained and been made compliant....by our two cats.


Offline Jed_

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Reply #3707 on: December 23, 2020, 01:19:42 AM



Offline watcher1

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Reply #3708 on: December 23, 2020, 03:13:19 AM
That sure was a lot of typing. Almost a short story, or as our resident senior pervert mentioned, a shaggy story.  ;D ;D

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Offline Shiela_M

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Reply #3709 on: December 23, 2020, 02:34:58 PM
That sure was a lot of typing. Almost a short story, or as our resident senior pervert mentioned, a shaggy story.  ;D ;D

Updated the directory with my "short stories"  :emot_laughing:

They are my dad's favorite jokes. The clown one is his number one. He gets so excited when he gets to tell people who havent heard them yet.  Giddy like a big kid, believe it or not, the way he acts is sunnier than the jokes.

He does have two more, one with a ghost, and one with a train.  They're not as fun, and they don't have the great punchlines. :emot_laughing:

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Offline staci

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Reply #3710 on: December 23, 2020, 11:39:35 PM
I was tempted to bestow your second boo, but then I started to laugh.



Offline Jakester

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Reply #3711 on: December 26, 2020, 10:11:11 PM
Friends
Two friends were sitting at the bar having a beer. One of them turns to his friend and says "Look at those two old guys at the end of the bar getting drunk! That could be use some day." His buddy learns forward and looks down the bar and then says "You frickin' dumbass, that's a mirror!"

If it weren't for the gutter my mind would be homeless!


Offline Shiela_M

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Reply #3712 on: December 26, 2020, 11:08:37 PM
After those two friends got completely drunk, they both left for home.  One of them got home super late and when he was walking to his door, threw up all over himself.  He knew his wife would be super angry so he came up with a great plan.  He walked into his house and his wife was there to meet him at the door arms folded.

"Where have you been?  you were supposed to be home two hours ago." She squaked at him

"You'll never believe it," he stuttered, trying to act sober, "me and my friend were on our way home, when we saw this drunk guy stumbling around in the street.  We decided to help him get home, and on the way he threw up all over me.  He felt so bad he paid me $20."

He fished the money out of his pocket and handed it to his wife. She took the money and inspect it before waving a second $20 in front of his face. "Ok, then how do you explain this second $20"?

"Ah, that must be from the guy who crapped in my pants."
« Last Edit: December 26, 2020, 11:46:33 PM by Shiela_M »

"I'm a hazard to my health, don't let me get me"


Offline watcher1

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Reply #3713 on: December 27, 2020, 03:56:25 AM
Are you piggybacking on Jakester's joke? KB's first comedy duo.  Cool. 8)

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Offline Jakester

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Reply #3714 on: December 28, 2020, 12:56:37 AM
After a two year long study, the National Science Foundation

announced the following results on corporate America's recreation preferences:

 

1. The sport of choice for unemployed or incarcerated people is:

Basketball.

2. The sport of choice for maintenance level employees is: Bowling.

3. The sport of choice for front line workers is: Football.

4. The sport of choice for supervisors is: Baseball.

5. The sport of choice for middle management is: Tennis.

6. The sport of choice for corporate officers is: Golf.

 

Conclusion: The higher you are in the corporate structure,

the smaller your balls become.

If it weren't for the gutter my mind would be homeless!


Offline Jakester

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Reply #3715 on: December 28, 2020, 01:01:36 AM
Corona Virus

Are my testicles black?

A suspected Covid-19 male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young student female nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath.
 "Nurse,"' he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my testicles black?"
 Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."...
 He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, please check for me. Are my testicles black?"
 Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worrying about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and
 pulls back the covers.
 She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles gently in the other.
 She looks very closely and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir. They look fine."
 The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says very slowly,
 "Thank you very much. That was wonderful. Now listen very,
 very, closely:
 "Are - my - test - results - back?"

If it weren't for the gutter my mind would be homeless!


Online msslave

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Reply #3716 on: December 28, 2020, 04:35:03 PM

Well trained and been made compliant....by our two cats.


Offline purpleshoes

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Reply #3717 on: January 02, 2021, 02:21:12 PM
Dear 2020:

Wrong hole!

Sincerely,
Everyone



Online msslave

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Reply #3718 on: January 11, 2021, 05:10:07 PM

Well trained and been made compliant....by our two cats.


Online msslave

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Reply #3719 on: January 15, 2021, 09:42:27 PM
Yeah...this will be me!

Well trained and been made compliant....by our two cats.