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Joke of the Day

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Offline staci

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Reply #3975 on: April 07, 2022, 09:56:35 PM
One lesbian vampire to another lesbian vampire - " See you next month"



Offline Hoss

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Reply #3976 on: April 08, 2022, 04:32:16 AM
An Irishman's first drink with his son:
While reading an article last night about fathers and the sons,
memories came flooding back to the time I took me son out for his
first pint.
Off we went to our local pub only two blocks from the cottage.
I got him a Guinness. He didn't like it, so I drank it.
Then I got him a Kilkenny's, he didn't like that either, so I drank
it. Finally, I thought he might like some Harp Lager?
He didn't. I drank it.
I thought maybe he'd like whisky better than beer so we tried a Jameson's; nope!
In desperation, I had him try that rare Redbreast, Ireland's finest whisky.
He wouldn't even smell it.
What could I do but drink it!
By the time I realized he just didn't like to drink, I was so
drunk I could hardly push his stroller back home!!!


Mick says to Paddy: "Close your curtains the next time you're
having it off with your wife. The whole street was watching and laughing at you
yesterday."
Paddy says: "Well the joke's on them stupid gits, because I wasn't
even home yesterday."


Australian Kissing.....just like the French - but done "Down Under"...


Offline ObiDongKenobi

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Reply #3977 on: April 08, 2022, 01:46:44 PM

I asked my girlfriend if I was the only one she'd been with.

She said, "Of course you are. All the others were at least a seven."

 :emot_laughing: and a woo


Princess, would you like to see it light up and hum when I wave it about


Creepy

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Reply #3978 on: April 08, 2022, 06:35:16 PM
Read this joke on Quora

A.P. BIO CLASS GOING ON.
Teacher: Sperm contains some amount of glucose.

Girl: That means it tastes sweet, but it doesn't taste sweet.

Class:(huh)???

Teacher: The sweet taste buds are at the tip of the tongue not at the back of your Throat



Offline purpleshoes

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Reply #3979 on: April 09, 2022, 01:42:39 PM

A wife decided to spruce up her sex life by buying some crotchless lingerie. Pleased with herself, she dons the panties and sits on the sofa in front of her husband, spread eagle.

"Are those crotchless panties?" her husband asks.

"Why, yes they are," she replies seductively.

"Thank goodness for that!" her husband exclaims. "I thought you sat down on the cat."




Offline purpleshoes

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Reply #3980 on: April 12, 2022, 01:01:48 PM

God: I've made birds to rule the skies, fish to rule the seas, animals to rule the earth, and man to rule over them all.

Angel: That's not fair. Who will rule over man?

God: It's hysterical, wait until you see. I'm calling it, a toddler.



Offline Asmodel

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Reply #3981 on: April 13, 2022, 10:49:29 AM
Q: What gets longer if pulled, fits snugly between breasts, slides neatly into a hole, chokes people if used incorrectly, and works well when jerked ?
A: A seatbelt.



Offline Asmodel

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Reply #3982 on: April 14, 2022, 09:17:19 AM



Offline MintJulie

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Reply #3983 on: April 14, 2022, 02:25:48 PM
That was funny.  Didn't see that coming.

.
          You might not know this, but I have a thing for Tom Brady (and Bill Clinton)
Version 9.2
POY 2016


Offline purpleshoes

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Reply #3984 on: April 15, 2022, 12:24:43 PM

Two men were in the doctor's office. Each of them is there to get a vasectomy.

Nurse comes into the room and tells both men to, "Strip and put on these gowns before going in to see the doctor to have your procedure done."

A few minutes later, she returns and reaches into one man's gown and proceeds to fondle his pecker, and ultimately begins to masturbate him.

Shocked as he is, he asks, "Why are you doing that?"

She replies, "We have to vacate the sperm from your system to have a clean procedure."

The man, not wanting to cause a problem  (and enjoying it) allows her to complete her task.

After she is through, she proceeds to the next man. She starts to fondle him as she had the first man, but then drops to her knees and starts to suck him off.

The first man, seeing this, quickly asks, "Hey! Why is it that I get jerked off and he gets a blow job?"

The nurse simply replies, "That's the difference between Medicare and Private Health Insurance coverage."




Offline Asmodel

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Reply #3985 on: April 15, 2022, 01:19:10 PM
A man had been very much hammered while heading to bed,
In the middle of the night, he started crying in his sleep, saying “I’ve lost my prick! I’ve lost my nuts!”
His wife, who had been sleeping beside woke up and told him to go back to sleep, and to take his hand out of her panties.



Offline purpleshoes

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Reply #3986 on: April 18, 2022, 01:04:22 PM
The ultimate joke on mankind is that computers are now requiring us to prove we are a human and not a robot.



Offline Pornhubby

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Reply #3987 on: April 18, 2022, 03:02:33 PM
The ultimate joke on mankind is that computers are now requiring us to prove we are a human and not a robot.

And conspiracy theorists are using their smart phones to post warnings about computer chips in vaccines.



Offline purpleshoes

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Reply #3988 on: April 23, 2022, 12:49:51 PM

My ability to remember the lyrics to songs popular in the 1960s greatly exceeds my ability to remember why I just walked into the kitchen.  :facepalm:



Offline watcher1

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Reply #3989 on: April 23, 2022, 03:44:08 PM

My ability to remember the lyrics to songs popular in the 1960s greatly exceeds my ability to remember why I just walked into the kitchen.  :facepalm:

As one ages, it seems we can remember more things of what we did at an earlier age then we could have maybe when we were in our 40s.

Emancipate yourself from mental slavery, none but ourselves can free our minds.