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Reply #40 on: May 01, 2012, 07:49:14 PM
Never knew they were into either... ;)

"If it's good enough for the Gemini Guys
Then it's good enough for me" - Adam Ant

coacheric

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Reply #41 on: May 01, 2012, 07:53:49 PM
What's the difference between oral sex and anal sex?
Oral sex makes your day, anal sex makes your hole weak.

What's the difference between love, true love and showing off?
Spitting, swallowing and gargling.

How do you make 5 pounds of fat look good?
Put a nipple on it.

Why do women pay more attention to their appearance than improving their minds?
Because most men are stupid, but few are blind.

What's the difference between a pick pocket and a peeping Tom?
A pick pocket snatches watches.

Who is the most popular guy at the nudist colony?
The guy who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand and a dozen donuts.

Who is the most popular girl at the nudist colony?
She is the one who can eat the last donut!


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Reply #42 on: May 01, 2012, 09:36:27 PM
Loved the donut joke. Thanks, Coach!

"If it's good enough for the Gemini Guys
Then it's good enough for me" - Adam Ant

Offline vinney

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Reply #43 on: May 01, 2012, 11:51:19 PM
Top of the class Coach...

nice to end the day on a laugh...

vinney

If you've got a cock then use it, if you're a lady abuse it.

Offline vinney

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Reply #44 on: May 02, 2012, 12:10:29 AM
Here is this guy who really takes care of his body; he lifts weights and jogs five miles every day.

One morning, he looks into the mirror and admires his body. He notices that he is really sun tanned all over except one part and he decides to do something about it.

He goes to the beach, completely undresses and buries himself in the sand except for the one part sticking out.

Two little old ladies are strolling along the beach and one looks down and says, "There really is no justice in this world."

The other little old lady says, "What do you mean?"

The first little old lady says, "Look at that."

"When I was 10 years old, I was afraid of it."

"When I was 20 years old, I was curious about it."

"When I was 30 years old, I enjoyed it."

"When I was 40 years old, I asked for it."

"When I was 50 years old, I paid for it."

"When I was 60 years old, I prayed for it."

"When I was 70 years old, I forgot about it."

"And now that I'm 80, the damned things are growing wild!!"

If you've got a cock then use it, if you're a lady abuse it.

Offline vinney

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Reply #45 on: May 02, 2012, 12:13:17 AM
A professor of mathematics sent a fax to his wife. It read:

"Dear wife, You must realize that you are 54 years old and I have certain needs which you are no longer able to satisfy. I am otherwise happy with you as a wife, and I sincerely hope you will not be hurt or offended to learn that by the time you receive this letter, I will be at the Grand Hotel with my 18-year-old teaching assistant. I'll be home before midnight. - Your Husband"

When he arrived at the hotel, there was a faxed letter waiting for him that read as follows:

"Dear Husband. You too are 54 years old, and by the time you receive this, I will be at the Breakwater Hotel with the 18-year-old pool boy. Being the brilliant mathematician that you are, you can easily appreciate the fact that 18 goes into 54 a lot more times than 54 goes into 18. Don't wait up."

If you've got a cock then use it, if you're a lady abuse it.

Offline vinney

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Reply #46 on: May 02, 2012, 12:19:45 AM
An elderly doctor and a Baptist minister were seated next to each other on the plane.

The plane was delayed due to some technical problems. Just after eventually taking off, the pilot offered his apologies to the passengers and announced that a round of free drinks would be served.

When the charming hostess came round with the trolley, the doctor ordered a gin and tonic for himself. The hostess then asked the minister whether he wanted anything.

He replied, "Oh No! Thank you. I would rather commit adultery than drink alcohol."

The elderly doctor promptly handed his gin and tonic back to the hostess  and said,

"Madam, I didn't know there was a choice."

If you've got a cock then use it, if you're a lady abuse it.

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Reply #47 on: May 02, 2012, 12:27:34 AM
Great jokes, Vin!

"If it's good enough for the Gemini Guys
Then it's good enough for me" - Adam Ant

Offline vinney

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Reply #48 on: May 02, 2012, 01:00:35 AM
A guy goes into a costume shop.

He says, "I'm going to a costume party, I want to go as Adam." The girl brings out a fig leaf. He says, "Not big enough."

She brings out a bigger one. He says, "Still not big enough." She brings out a huge fig leaf. He says, "Still not big enough."

She says, "Listen, Ace, why don't you just throw it over your shoulder and go as a gasoline pump?"

If you've got a cock then use it, if you're a lady abuse it.

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Reply #49 on: May 02, 2012, 12:13:58 PM

Cause I'm Blonde

A girl came skipping home from school one day. "Mommy, Mommy," yelled, "we were counting today, and all the other kids could only couto four, but I
counted to 10. See? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10!"
"Very good," said her mother.
"Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy?"
'Yes, Honey, it's because you're blonde."

The next day the girl came skipping home FROM school. "Mommy, Mommy,"
She yelled, "we were saying the alphabet today, and all the other kids could only say it to D, but I said it to G. See? a, b, c, d, e,f, g!"
"Very good," said her mother.
"Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy?"
"Yes, Honey, it's because you're blonde."

The next day the girl came skipping home from school. "Mommy, Mommy,"
she yelled, "we were in gym class today, and when we showered, all the other girls had flat chests, but I have these! !" And she lifted her tank top to reveal a pair of 36Cs.
"Very good," said her embarrassed mother.
"Is it because I'm blonde, mommy?"
"No, Honey, it's because you're 25."


TinyDancer

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Reply #50 on: May 02, 2012, 12:15:56 PM
LOL...vinney, love the jokes you posted, especially the one about the 54 year olds, good stuff.


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Reply #51 on: May 02, 2012, 12:18:21 PM
great... 25 year old blonde joke...

 :emot_laughing:

vinney

ps... typical...! 

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Janus

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Reply #52 on: May 02, 2012, 12:24:07 PM
It's always a joy to wake up to a pleasant joke. Thank you guys for posting so many.

Janus


coacheric

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Reply #53 on: May 02, 2012, 01:19:30 PM
All great jokes. Thanks everyone for posting


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Reply #54 on: May 02, 2012, 04:23:19 PM
Loved the 25 year old blonde joke, heehee :P

"If it's good enough for the Gemini Guys
Then it's good enough for me" - Adam Ant

coacheric

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Reply #55 on: May 02, 2012, 04:53:26 PM
A man comes home from a tough day of work looking to unwind. After a relaxing dinner with his wife, they retired to bed. So, both go to their separate beds, however the man was not yet ready to slumber. The man called over to his wife, "My little boopey-boo, I'm lonely." So the woman gets out of bed and crosses the room to the husband. On the way she trips on the carpet and falls on her face. The husband with a concerned look on his face says, "Oh, did my little honey-woney fall on her little nosey-wosey?"

The woman gets up and enters the man's bed. The two make passionate love and afterwards the women rolls out. As she is returning to her bed, she once again catches her foot on the carpet and falls flat on her face. The man looks over his shoulder at his wife lying on the floor and says, "Clumsy idiot."


coacheric

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Reply #56 on: May 02, 2012, 04:54:10 PM
Pete and Mary were walking home from the pub when Mary says: "I need a piss" an goes behind a bush and drops her knickers.

Feeling horny, Pete puts his hand through the bush and feels something dangling between Mary's legs. He says "have you changed sex?"

Mary says "no, I have changed my mind, I am having a shit!"


Janus

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Reply #57 on: May 02, 2012, 05:34:48 PM
Why do men name there penises?
Because they don't like the idea of a stranger making 90% of their decisions..

What is the difference between Bigfoot and an intelliigent man?
Bigfoot has been spotted several times.....

A man who had just finished golfing with his buddies boarded a bus with one of his front pockets loaded with golf balls. He sat down next to a beautiful blonde, and after a few minutes he noticed she kept staring at the bulge in his pants. Finally he said, "It's golf balls."
    "Oh," she replied. "Does that hurt as much as tennis elbow?"  :roll:

Janus


Offline vinney

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Reply #58 on: May 02, 2012, 10:31:28 PM
One morning a blind bunny was hopping down the bunny trail...

he tripped over a large snake and fell, kerplop right on his twitchy little nose.

'Oh please excuse me,' said the bunny. 'I didn't mean to trip over you, but I'm blind and can't see.'

'That's perfectly all right,' replied the snake. 'To be sure, it was my fault. I didn't mean to trip you, but I'm blind too, and I didn't see you coming. By the way, what kind of animal are you?'

'Well, I really don't know,' said the bunny.. 'I'm blind, and I've never seen myself. Maybe you could examine me and find out.'

So the snake felt the bunny all over, and he said, 'Well, you're soft, and cuddly, and you have long silky ears, and a little fluffy tail and a dear twitchy little nose. You must be a bunny rabbit!'

The bunny said, 'I can't thank you enough. But by the way, what kind of animal are you?'

The snake replied that he didn't know either, and the bunny agreed to examine him, and when the bunny was finished, the snake asked,

'Well, what kind of an animal am I?'

The bunny had felt the snake all over, and he replied,

'You're cold, you're slippery, and you have no balls...

...You must be a POLITICIAN.'

If you've got a cock then use it, if you're a lady abuse it.

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Reply #59 on: May 02, 2012, 11:43:14 PM
Yeah, guys get golf balls all the time. :P

"If it's good enough for the Gemini Guys
Then it's good enough for me" - Adam Ant

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