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Joke of the Day

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Offline Shiela_M

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Reply #4020 on: May 11, 2022, 01:56:15 PM
I had dinner with my dad last night and was talking to him about dad jokes. He first wanted to tell me about Johnny and the clown again, but I declined, and then he asks if I know what a dad joke not told by a dad is called? Almost in unison we said "a bad joke"
Couldn't stop laughing.

I survive because the fire inside burn brighter than the fire around me. I am the Phoenix


Offline Clitical Thinking

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Reply #4021 on: May 11, 2022, 08:48:32 PM
he asks if I know what a dad joke not told by a dad is called? Almost in unison we said "a bad joke"

 ;D

Guilty. I'm not a dad but I love bad dad jokes.



Offline purpleshoes

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Reply #4022 on: May 12, 2022, 02:35:37 PM
A man and his wife were having marital problems and went to a marriage counselor.

His wife spent nearly the whole hour complaining about what was wrong with their union.

As they all stood up when their hour was over, the counselor took the wife in his arms and gave her a long passionate kiss, then turned to the husband and said, "That is what your wife needs, at least three times a week."

The husband looks doubtful but says, "Well, I can get her here Mondays and Wednesdays, but Fridays I play golf."



Offline Pornhubby

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Reply #4023 on: May 13, 2022, 06:23:36 AM
Gotta love the dad jokes...  :emot_laughing: :emot_laughing: :emot_laughing:




Offline purpleshoes

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Reply #4024 on: May 13, 2022, 12:44:06 PM
Guy tried to sell me a coffin.

I told him that was the last thing I need.



Offline ObiDongKenobi

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Reply #4025 on: May 13, 2022, 04:39:28 PM

My grandfather died after he swallowed a bottle of varnish.  The undertaker said he had a wonderful finish.


Princess, would you like to see it light up and hum when I wave it about


Offline Shiela_M

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Reply #4026 on: May 18, 2022, 07:50:14 PM
Not really a joke. But funny, and KB appropriate

Open google translate.  Convert to French.  Type in "fifty ten hull" play audio.

Then convert to Dutch type in "pick my most beautiful side"  play audio.

I survive because the fire inside burn brighter than the fire around me. I am the Phoenix


Offline Asmodel

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Reply #4027 on: May 18, 2022, 09:18:39 PM
I think I have a faint idea of what that means, as after listening to it thrice, I can say for sure that the last word in French and the two last words in Dutch have funny pronunciations.  ;D
TC:
A man left his house at 10 PM, saying to his wife he’ll be back around 20 past 11.
Went to a bar, got drunk, and hooked up with a woman.
Went back to her apartment, had sex for a few hours,
After coming to senses, looked at the clock, saw that it was 1:30 past midnight.
Hurriedly asked the woman. “Quick! Give me talcum!”
The woman immediately complied to his request, albeit confused. The man hastily dusted his hands with the white talcum powder.
Drove home hurriedly.
His wife asked him “Where were you?”
Looking her dead in the eye, he replied “I went to the local bar, got acquainted with a lady, and we fucked for the past 3 hours.”
His wife retorted “oh stop it! The talcum powder is a clear sign you again got carried away playing billiards at the club!”



Offline Asmodel

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Reply #4028 on: May 19, 2022, 11:34:35 AM
Not really a joke. But funny, and KB appropriate

Open google translate.  Convert to French.  Type in "fifty ten hull" play audio.

Then convert to Dutch type in "pick my most beautiful side"  play audio.

Now understand the full extent of it, and rofl it is HILARIOUS!  :emot_laughing: :emot_laughing: :emot_laughing: :emot_laughing:



Offline Pornhubby

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Reply #4029 on: May 22, 2022, 09:55:37 PM
What do you call a fellow telling Dad Jokes who isn’t a Dad?

A Faux Pas



Offline Pornhubby

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Reply #4030 on: May 23, 2022, 02:57:15 AM
A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.

On their wedding night, she told her new husband, “Please be gentle, I’m still a virgin.” “What?” said the puzzled groom. “How can that be if you’ve been married 10 times?”

“Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative. He kept telling me how great it was going to be.

Husband #2 was in software services. He was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he’d look into it and get back to me.

Husband #3 was from field services. He said everything checked out diagnostically, but he just couldn’t get the system up.

Husband #4 was in telemarketing. Even though he knew he had the order, he didn’t know when he would be able to deliver.

Husband #5 was an engineer. He understood the basic process, but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.

Husband #6 was from finance and administration. He thought he knew how, but he wasn’t sure whether it was his job or not.

Husband #7 was in marketing. Although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.

Husband #8 was a psychologist. All he ever did was talk about it.

Husband #9 was a gynecologist. All he did was look at it.

Husband #10 was a stamp collector. All he ever did was…God! I miss him!

But now that I’ve married you, I’m really excited!” “Good,” said the new husband, “but, why?” “You’re a lawyer. This time I know I’m going to get screwed!”

 :emot_laughing: :emot_laughing: :emot_laughing:



Offline purpleshoes

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Reply #4031 on: May 23, 2022, 12:28:41 PM
Best lawyer joke ever! I did not see that one coming.


My advice is marry a teacher. They make you do it over and over until you get it right.



Offline MintJulie

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Reply #4032 on: May 23, 2022, 02:29:09 PM

My favorite is the stamp collector.  Anybody here collect stamps?

Cute joke.

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Offline Asmodel

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Reply #4033 on: May 23, 2022, 02:37:30 PM

My favorite is the stamp collector.  Anybody here collect stamps?

Cute joke.
The stamp collector bit,
I still haven’t understood….


Also:

A girl would climb on a tree at 9 am and get down at 5 pm everyday.
After completing her MBA, she had gone nuts, started to think of herself as a branch manager.



Offline Pornhubby

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Reply #4034 on: May 23, 2022, 06:40:37 PM

The stamp collector bit,
I still haven’t understood….