KRISTEN'S BOARD
KB - a better class of pervert

News:

  • Looking for
    KRISTEN'S ARCHIVES
    click here
  • #TEAM-MSSLAVE
    You Got This!
  • #TEAM-MSSLAVE
    We Love You!
  • #TEAM-MSSLAVE
    Stay Strong. Fight Like Hell!
  • Become a member for access to more areas of our message board, it's free!  Register here.
  • Congratulations to Shiela
    Kristen's Board 2021 Pervert Of The Year!

Joke of the Day

Guest · 266498

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline purpleshoes

  • Total freak
  • *****
    • Posts: 695
    • Woos/Boos: +278/-10
Reply #4125 on: July 13, 2022, 01:40:52 PM

How does a computer get drunk?

Too many screenshots.



Offline msslave

  • Co-POY 2019
  • Burnt at the stake
  • *******
    • Posts: 6,427
    • Woos/Boos: +941/-3
    • Gender: Male
Reply #4126 on: July 14, 2022, 08:16:47 PM

Well trained and been made compliant....by our two cats.


Offline purpleshoes

  • Total freak
  • *****
    • Posts: 695
    • Woos/Boos: +278/-10
Reply #4127 on: July 20, 2022, 01:00:44 AM

I bought a new sweater but kept getting shocks from static electricity.

I took it back to the store and they gave me another one free of charge.



Offline Hoss

  • Total freak
  • *****
    • Posts: 624
    • Woos/Boos: +70/-2
    • Gender: Male
  • Desperate is not a sexual preference....
Reply #4128 on: July 20, 2022, 04:37:52 AM
He slid into bed, kissed his wife on the cheek and fell into a deep sleep.
He awoke before the Pearly Gates.
St Peter said, “You died in your sleep, Ralph.”
Ralph was stunned.  “I'm dead?  No, I can't be!  I've got too much to live for.  Send me back!”
St Peter said, “Hmm, perhaps that could be arranged.  It does involve a lot of paperwork… but sure.  You've got two alternatives: you can come back as a fish or as a hen.”
Ralph never liked swimming, and thought that perhaps being a hen wouldn't be that bad after all.  Walking around pecking at the ground, no stress, and if the local rooster was nice then perhaps it could be a comfortable existence.
Ralph replied, “Okay, then I choose to be a hen.”
The next thing he knew, he was covered with feathers, clucking, and pecking the ground.
A rooster strolled past.  “So, you're the new hen, eh? How's your first day here?”
“Not bad,” replied Ralph the hen, “but I have this strange feeling inside.  Like I'm gonna explode!”
“You're ovulating,” explained the rooster.
“Don't tell me you've never laid an egg before?”
“Never,” said Ralph.
“Well, just cluck twice and then push.”
Ralph clucked twice and pushed, and voila, out popped an egg!
Ralph was overcome with emotion as he experienced motherhood for the first time.  He then clucked twice, pushed, and out came another egg.  His joy was overwhelming.
As he was about to lay his third egg, he felt a smack on the back of his head, and heard his wife shout, “Dammit, Ralph! Wake up.  You're shitting the bed!!!”

Australian Kissing.....just like the French - but done "Down Under"...


Offline Pornhubby

  • POY 2013
  • Freakishly Strange
  • ******
    • Posts: 1,687
    • Woos/Boos: +545/-22
  • Ph.D in Perversity a/k/a_ToeinH2O
Reply #4129 on: July 20, 2022, 12:21:23 PM
As he was about to lay his third egg, he felt a smack on the back of his head, and heard his wife shout, “Dammit, Ralph! Wake up.  You're shitting the bed!!!”

My grandmother said, “Never take a laxative and a sleeping pill at the same time.”



Offline purpleshoes

  • Total freak
  • *****
    • Posts: 695
    • Woos/Boos: +278/-10
Reply #4130 on: July 21, 2022, 12:54:45 PM

Ever wonder why Star Wars movies #4, #5 and #6 came out before #1, #2 and #3?

Because... in charge of production, Yoda was.



Offline Pornhubby

  • POY 2013
  • Freakishly Strange
  • ******
    • Posts: 1,687
    • Woos/Boos: +545/-22
  • Ph.D in Perversity a/k/a_ToeinH2O
Reply #4131 on: July 22, 2022, 03:46:19 PM
I recently spent $6,500 on a registered Black Angus bull.

I put him out with the herd but he just ate grass and wouldn't even look at a cow.

I was beginning to think I had paid more for that bull than he was worth.

Anyway......I had the Vet come and take a look at him.
He said,, the bull was very healthy, but possibly just a little young, so he gave me some pills to feed him once per day.

The bull started to service the cows within two days……. all my cows!

He even broke through the fence and bred with all of my neighbor's cows!

He's like a machine!

I don't know what was in the pills the Vet gave him ... but they kind of taste like peppermint.



Offline Shiela_M

  • POY 2020 & 2021
  • Freakishly Strange
  • ******
    • Posts: 4,443
    • Woos/Boos: +1565/-4
    • Gender: Female
  • I said it's weird, not that I wouldn't do it.
Reply #4132 on: July 22, 2022, 04:07:37 PM
Evil pills 😱🤣

I survive because the fire inside burn brighter than the fire around me. I am the Phoenix


Offline purpleshoes

  • Total freak
  • *****
    • Posts: 695
    • Woos/Boos: +278/-10
Reply #4133 on: July 24, 2022, 01:36:25 PM

Why don't they just put Holy Water in vaccines?

Because you're not supposed to take the Lord's name in vein.



Offline Pornhubby

  • POY 2013
  • Freakishly Strange
  • ******
    • Posts: 1,687
    • Woos/Boos: +545/-22
  • Ph.D in Perversity a/k/a_ToeinH2O
Reply #4134 on: July 24, 2022, 05:25:56 PM

Why don't they just put Holy Water in vaccines?

Because you're not supposed to take the Lord's name in vein.

You win the Internet today. Best dad joke I’ve heard in awhile.

 :emot_laughing: :emot_laughing: :emot_laughing:



Offline msslave

  • Co-POY 2019
  • Burnt at the stake
  • *******
    • Posts: 6,427
    • Woos/Boos: +941/-3
    • Gender: Male
Reply #4135 on: July 24, 2022, 07:27:36 PM

Well trained and been made compliant....by our two cats.


Offline Pornhubby

  • POY 2013
  • Freakishly Strange
  • ******
    • Posts: 1,687
    • Woos/Boos: +545/-22
  • Ph.D in Perversity a/k/a_ToeinH2O
Reply #4136 on: July 24, 2022, 08:51:29 PM


It wouldn’t be the first time. LOL. Woo.



Offline ObiDongKenobi

  • Global Moderator
  • Freakishly Strange
  • ******
    • Posts: 2,455
    • Woos/Boos: +1017/-3
    • Gender: Male
Reply #4137 on: July 25, 2022, 12:44:57 PM

Princess, would you like to see it light up and hum when I wave it about


Offline purpleshoes

  • Total freak
  • *****
    • Posts: 695
    • Woos/Boos: +278/-10
Reply #4138 on: July 25, 2022, 01:33:46 PM

Did you know I was once kidnapped by a gang of evil mimes?

I still shudder at the memory.

The things they did to me were just... unspeakable.



Offline Pornhubby

  • POY 2013
  • Freakishly Strange
  • ******
    • Posts: 1,687
    • Woos/Boos: +545/-22
  • Ph.D in Perversity a/k/a_ToeinH2O
Reply #4139 on: July 29, 2022, 02:32:04 AM