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Offline ObiDongKenobi

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Reply #4140 on: July 29, 2022, 12:49:51 PM

I swallowed a load of scrabble tiles a couple of hours ago.  There might be some vowel movement soon, but if I have to rush to the toilet it could spell disaster.

I'll get my coat......  :facepalm:

Princess, would you like to see it light up and hum when I wave it about

Offline Hilda

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Reply #4141 on: July 29, 2022, 01:03:42 PM
Quote from: purpleshoes on July 29, 2022, 12:45:50 PM
A sampling of third grade humor *
* Not intended as a commentary about the maturity level of any of KB's paying members.

I can't remember when I first heard it, maybe in fifth or sixth grade, but I still remember this silly riddle:

 What's long and thin,
 Covered in skin,
 Red in parts,
 Stuffed in tarts.

Ans: Rhubarb

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You are just a thought that someone, somewhere, somehow feels you should be here.

Offline Freesnowden

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Reply #4142 on: July 29, 2022, 05:58:36 PM
How many South Americans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A Brazilian!

Byeeeeeeeeeeeeee


Offline purpleshoes

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Reply #4143 on: July 30, 2022, 12:30:01 PM

A man showed up at a costume party, carrying a woman on his back. She was dressed, he was naked.

The host looked at him for a long time and finally said, "I give up. What are you supposed to be? And why is there a woman on your back?"

The naked man said, "I'm a turtle." Using his thumb to point at the woman on his back, he added, "And that's Michelle."


Offline staci

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Reply #4144 on: July 30, 2022, 03:02:53 PM
blonde moment here, ???

your wish is my desire

Offline msslave

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Reply #4145 on: July 30, 2022, 03:23:57 PM
Like Staci said. Thinking there's some song involved that I don't know. Help us out Purple. ???

Well trained and been made compliant....by my cat Neville

Offline Pornhubby

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Reply #4146 on: July 30, 2022, 03:49:21 PM
That’s MY SHELL.  Jeezus.

”You can be mad as a mad dog at the way things went.  You can swear and curse the fates.  But when it comes to the end, you have to let go.” — The Curious Case of Benjamin Button


Offline msslave

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Reply #4147 on: July 30, 2022, 03:53:44 PM
 :facepalm:

The Beetle's song was going through my head but the connection never clicked. Dang that's funny... but a lot of work.

 :emot_laughing: :emot_laughing: :emot_laughing:

Well trained and been made compliant....by my cat Neville

Offline staci

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Reply #4148 on: July 30, 2022, 04:08:18 PM
Quote from: Pornhubby on July 30, 2022, 03:49:21 PM
That’s MY SHELL.  Jeezus.


What kind of Turtle was it?
 ???

your wish is my desire

Offline Pornhubby

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Reply #4149 on: July 30, 2022, 04:08:48 PM
Quote from: staci on July 30, 2022, 04:08:18 PM
Quote from: Pornhubby on July 30, 2022, 03:49:21 PM
That’s MY SHELL.  Jeezus.


What kind of Turtle was it?
 ???

Soft shelled.  :emot_laughing:

”You can be mad as a mad dog at the way things went.  You can swear and curse the fates.  But when it comes to the end, you have to let go.” — The Curious Case of Benjamin Button


Offline purpleshoes

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Reply #4150 on: July 31, 2022, 12:45:27 PM

(sorry, not sorry for the pun-ishment above.)   :emot_laughing:



My wife accused me of stealing her thesaurus.

I am not only shocked, but alarmed, appalled, aghast and bewildered.


Offline msslave

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Reply #4151 on: August 01, 2022, 11:57:45 PM
So I talk to myself.

And... sometimes we laugh and laugh. :emot_laughing:

Well trained and been made compliant....by my cat Neville

Offline purpleshoes

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Reply #4152 on: August 02, 2022, 01:25:08 PM

I called the doctor. "Doctor, my wife is in labor. What should I do?"

Doctor said, "Is this her first child?"

I said, "No, this is her husband."


Offline MintJulie

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Reply #4153 on: August 02, 2022, 01:38:12 PM
Quote from: purpleshoes on July 31, 2022, 12:45:27 PM

(sorry, not sorry for the pun-ishment above.)   :emot_laughing:



My wife accused me of stealing her thesaurus.

I am not only shocked, but alarmed, appalled, aghast and bewildered.

Still laughing about my shell.
Liked thesaurus joke also.
As for the last joke, I'm willing to bet that Mrs Purple Shoes has referred to you as "acting like a 5 year old" at some time (probably many) since you've been together, so I understand the doctors confusion. 

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Offline purpleshoes

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Reply #4154 on: August 03, 2022, 12:51:32 PM

You overestimate me MJ, but your point is valid. She says I act like a 2-year-old whenever I don't get my way.  ;D


Offline Shiela_M

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Reply #4155 on: August 03, 2022, 06:11:18 PM
How does my dad count his neighbors new cows?

With a cow-culator!

I think his facial expressions and big goofy grin make me laugh even harder.

Our Coach is hotter than your quarterback!!

Offline purpleshoes

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Reply #4156 on: August 04, 2022, 12:41:34 PM
What happens if you eat aluminum foil?

You sheet metal.



Did you hear about the man who evaporated?

He'll be mist.


My grammar checker auto-corrected the sentence immediately above this one, with this message:

Possible word confusion
‘mist’ (thin fog) seems less likely than ‘missed’ (past of ‘miss’).

Stupid grammar checker.
« Last Edit: August 04, 2022, 01:02:33 PM by purpleshoes »


Offline Shiela_M

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Reply #4157 on: August 04, 2022, 01:51:05 PM
So has this thread turned into dad joke of the day?

Hear about the guy who fell down the well?
--Apparently he couldn't see that well?

And

My dad and his girlfriend joined a gym.  They want to make sure their relationship works out!

Our Coach is hotter than your quarterback!!

Offline Pornhubby

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Reply #4158 on: August 04, 2022, 03:39:24 PM
Why do dads take an extra pair of socks when they play golf?

In case they get a hole in one.

”You can be mad as a mad dog at the way things went.  You can swear and curse the fates.  But when it comes to the end, you have to let go.” — The Curious Case of Benjamin Button


Offline purpleshoes

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Reply #4159 on: August 11, 2022, 01:22:59 PM

When you die, what's the last body part to go?

The pupils.

They dilate.


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