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Joke of the Day

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Offline purpleshoes

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Reply #4155 on: August 03, 2022, 12:51:32 PM

You overestimate me MJ, but your point is valid. She says I act like a 2-year-old whenever I don't get my way.  ;D



Offline Shiela_M

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Reply #4156 on: August 03, 2022, 06:11:18 PM
How does my dad count his neighbors new cows?

With a cow-culator!

I think his facial expressions and big goofy grin make me laugh even harder.

I survive because the fire inside burn brighter than the fire around me. I am the Phoenix


Offline purpleshoes

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Reply #4157 on: August 04, 2022, 12:41:34 PM
What happens if you eat aluminum foil?

You sheet metal.



Did you hear about the man who evaporated?

He'll be mist.



My grammar checker auto-corrected the sentence immediately above this one, with this message:

Possible word confusion
‘mist’ (thin fog) seems less likely than ‘missed’ (past of ‘miss’).

Stupid grammar checker.
« Last Edit: August 04, 2022, 01:02:33 PM by purpleshoes »



Offline Shiela_M

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Reply #4158 on: August 04, 2022, 01:51:05 PM
So has this thread turned into dad joke of the day?

Hear about the guy who fell down the well?
--Apparently he couldn't see that well?

And

My dad and his girlfriend joined a gym.  They want to make sure their relationship works out!

I survive because the fire inside burn brighter than the fire around me. I am the Phoenix


Offline Pornhubby

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Reply #4159 on: August 04, 2022, 03:39:24 PM
Why do dads take an extra pair of socks when they play golf?

In case they get a hole in one.



Offline purpleshoes

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Reply #4160 on: August 11, 2022, 01:22:59 PM

When you die, what's the last body part to go?

The pupils.

They dilate.



Offline staci

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Reply #4161 on: August 11, 2022, 03:06:44 PM
You need to be PUN-ished.



Offline purpleshoes

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Reply #4162 on: August 12, 2022, 12:59:11 PM

Why do seagulls fly over the ocean?

Because if they flew over the bay, we'd call them bagels.



Offline martinblank

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Reply #4163 on: August 12, 2022, 02:46:55 PM
Such a bad dad joke



Offline Shiela_M

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Reply #4164 on: August 12, 2022, 03:19:31 PM
How is MJ like a pinky toe?

She's small, she's cute, and somebody might bang her on a coffee table

Had to use somebody else. Felt too conceded using me in the joke

I survive because the fire inside burn brighter than the fire around me. I am the Phoenix


Offline MintJulie

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Reply #4165 on: August 12, 2022, 04:51:12 PM
And people wonder why I have 2 coffee tables in the family room.  Only KB members knows the real reason.


Woo 1414 to S

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          You might not know this, but I have a thing for Tom Brady (and Bill Clinton)
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POY 2016


Offline ObiDongKenobi

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Reply #4166 on: August 12, 2022, 06:08:49 PM
A family were staying at a nudist camp for their vacation.

The young son came back to the tent and said, "Wow, Mom! You should see some of those girls. They've got these HUGE..."

"Yes, well," his mother sniffs. "The larger they are, the dumber the woman."

Next day the boy comes back to the tent again. "You wouldn't believe some of the guys out there. They have these HUGE..."

"Yes, well, like I said, the bigger they are, the dumber the man."

"Really?" the boy said, frowning with puzzlement. "We might be in trouble, Mom."

"Why, honey?"

"Because Dad's out there talking to a really stupid girl, and he's getting dumber by the minute."

Princess, would you like to see it light up and hum when I wave it about


Offline Pornhubby

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Reply #4167 on: August 12, 2022, 06:10:01 PM

Dad's out there talking to a really stupid girl, and he's getting dumber by the minute.


Story of my life. Woo.  :emot_laughing:



Offline Pornhubby

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Reply #4168 on: August 15, 2022, 06:49:19 PM
I went to a beekeeper and asked him for 12 bees. He gave me 13 bees and said the extra one was a freebie



Offline msslave

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Reply #4169 on: August 15, 2022, 08:11:50 PM
Dang Toe... didn't know whether to groan or laugh...so I laughed. :emot_laughing:

Well trained and been made compliant....by our two cats.