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Offline purpleshoes

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Reply #4350 on: November 29, 2022, 01:17:22 PM

If I ever have a pet termite, I'm going to name it Clint.

Clint Eatswood.



Swampthing99

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Reply #4351 on: December 01, 2022, 10:38:02 PM
Did you hear about the brand-new Christmas special coming out this year?

It's sure to become an instant family classic.

It's called:  "Santa Claus is cuming all over town."

**********

My granddaughter is so full of joy and excitement this time of year.

I've got a good mind to slap that crap right out of her.
(Remember these are just jokes.  The kid is awesome!)



Offline purpleshoes

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Reply #4352 on: December 06, 2022, 12:52:21 PM

A recent study found that golfers, on average, walk about 900 miles a year.

Another study calculated that the average golfer drinks 22 gallons of alcoholic beverages each year.

That means the average golfer gets just under 41 miles to the gallon, better than every car I've ever owned.



Offline watcher1

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Reply #4353 on: December 06, 2022, 03:43:11 PM

A recent study found that golfers, on average, walk about 900 miles a year.

Another study calculated that the average golfer drinks 22 gallons of alcoholic beverages each year.

That means the average golfer gets just under 41 miles to the gallon, better than every car I've ever owned.

 :emot_laughing: :emot_laughing:  Then I must be getting around 80 miles to the gallon.

Emancipate yourself from mental slavery, none but ourselves can free our minds.


Offline Hoss

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Reply #4354 on: December 07, 2022, 12:02:50 AM

John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life,  between the legs of me wife !"

That won him the  top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night !

He went home and  told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the best toast of the  night."

She said, "Aye,  did ye now. And what was your toast?"
 
John said, "Here's  to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife." 

"Oh, that is very  nice indeed, John!" Mary said.

The next day, Mary  ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the street corner. The  man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the
prize the other  night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary."

She said, "Aye, he  told me, and I was a bit surprised myself. You know, he's only  been in there twice in the last four years. "Once I had to pull him by the ears to make him come, and the other time he fell asleep".

Australian Kissing.....just like the French - but done "Down Under"...


Offline msslave

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Reply #4355 on: December 07, 2022, 01:25:31 AM
 :emot_laughing: :emot_laughing: :emot_laughing:
WOO! Number #75 for you Hoss. Thanks for the laugh.

Well trained and been made compliant....by my cat Neville


Offline msslave

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Reply #4356 on: December 07, 2022, 03:39:02 AM
Why isn't there a pregnant Barbie doll?

Ken came in another box.



Why does it take 100 million sperm to fertilize one egg?


Because they won't stop to ask for directions.

Well trained and been made compliant....by my cat Neville


Offline watcher1

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Reply #4357 on: December 08, 2022, 02:55:14 AM
WOOs to Hoss and msslave.  ;D ;D

Emancipate yourself from mental slavery, none but ourselves can free our minds.


Offline Army of One

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Reply #4358 on: December 08, 2022, 03:13:56 AM
So, Santa's coming this month, according to my wife.

Personally, I hate the suit, but if it gets her off...

Extinguishing the Flame is available on Amazon and supports Australian Bush fire relief.


Offline Pornhubby

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Reply #4359 on: December 13, 2022, 06:22:12 PM
UT head basketball coach Chris Beard usually chokes in March, but he decided to start early this year.



Offline purpleshoes

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Reply #4360 on: December 14, 2022, 12:53:19 PM

What do you call a constipated detective?


No shit Sherlock.



Offline watcher1

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Reply #4361 on: December 14, 2022, 04:10:14 PM

What do you call a constipated detective?


No shit Sherlock.

 :emot_laughing: :emot_laughing:   WOO!

Emancipate yourself from mental slavery, none but ourselves can free our minds.


Offline purpleshoes

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Reply #4362 on: December 21, 2022, 01:35:58 PM

Which celebrity is always read to eat cereal (or an ice cream sundae)?


Reese with her spoon.



Offline Writers Bloque

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Reply #4363 on: December 21, 2022, 03:24:22 PM

Which celebrity is always read to eat cereal (or an ice cream sundae)?


Reese with her spoon.

I spit my coffee out laughing at that one!

Why don't roosters wear pants?

Cause their peckers are on their face!

View a list of all my stories here

To taste Heaven, one must play in Hell.


Offline purpleshoes

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Reply #4364 on: December 24, 2022, 02:38:32 PM

If you own a Subaru and put it in reverse to go backward, what does that make you?

ur a buS.