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Offline Katiebee

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Reply #760 on: January 13, 2013, 05:43:25 AM
An Englishman?

There are three kinds of people in the world. Those who can count, and those who can't.


Offline smugdingus

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Reply #761 on: January 14, 2013, 02:04:53 AM
Sex After Surgery
A surgeon went to check on his patient after an operation.
"You'll be fine," he said.
She asked ...
“How long will it be before I am able to have a normal sex life again doctor?"



The surgeon seemed to pause, and a small tear ran down his cheek from the corner of his eye, which alarmed the girl.
"What's the matter Doctor? I will be all right, won't I?"
He replied ...
“Yes, you'll be fine. It's just that no one has ever asked me that after having their tonsils out."



Offline GEMINIGUY

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Reply #762 on: January 14, 2013, 07:40:55 AM
lol She must've meant oral... ;-)

"If it's good enough for the Gemini Guys
Then it's good enough for me" - Adam Ant


Offline vinney

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Reply #763 on: January 16, 2013, 11:47:24 AM
A farmer buys a young Cock.

As soon as it comes to farmhouse, it rushes & fucks all the 150 Hens.
Farmer is impressed.

At lunch, the Cock again screws all 150 Hens, Farmer gets worried now.

Next day, he finds the Cock fucking the Ducks, Goose & Parrots too.

Later, he finds the Cock lying pale, half-dead & Vultures circling over it's head.

Farmer says: horny bastard, you deserve this !

The Cock opens 1 eye, points up & says:

Sshhh! Don't shout, let them land...

If you've got a cock then use it, if you're a lady abuse it.


Offline vinney

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Reply #764 on: January 16, 2013, 11:49:03 AM
A man left work one Friday afternoon. Being payday, instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend hunting with the boys and spent his entire paycheck. When he finally appeared at home, Sunday night, he was confronted by a very angry wife and was barraged for nearly two hours with a tirade befitting his actions.

Finally, his wife stopped the nagging and simply said to him, "How would you like it if you didn't see me for two or three days?"

To which he replied, "That would be fine with me."

Monday went by and he didn't see his wife. Tuesday and Wednesday came and went with the same results.

Thursday, the swelling went down just enough where he could see her a little out of the corner of his left eye.

If you've got a cock then use it, if you're a lady abuse it.


Offline GEMINIGUY

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Reply #765 on: January 16, 2013, 12:27:02 PM
LMAO Too funny, Vinney! That horny cock needs his own TV show! :P

"If it's good enough for the Gemini Guys
Then it's good enough for me" - Adam Ant


Offline vinney

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Reply #766 on: January 17, 2013, 12:22:18 AM
Tim decided to tie the knot with his long time girlfriend. One evening, after the honeymoon, he was assembling some loads for an upcoming hunt.

His wife was standing there at the bench watching him. After a long period of silence she finally speaks ...
"Honey, I've been thinking ... now that we are married, I think it's time you quit hunting, shooting, hand loading, and fishing. Maybe you should sell your guns and boat."

Tim gets this horrified look on his face!

She says, "Darling, what's wrong?"

Tim replies, "There for a minute you were sounding like my ex-wife."

"Ex-wife?!!", she screams, "I didn't know you were married before!!!"

Tim continues loading & responds, "I wasn't."

If you've got a cock then use it, if you're a lady abuse it.


Offline vinney

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Reply #767 on: January 17, 2013, 12:33:51 AM
My first time having sex. I suddenly stopped and didn't move.

She asked: "What are you doing?"

I replied: "I've seen this on YouPorn, it's called Buffering."

 :roll:

If you've got a cock then use it, if you're a lady abuse it.


Offline vinney

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Reply #768 on: January 18, 2013, 12:21:30 AM
It was the mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighbourhood.

When he arrived at the first house on his route he was greeted by the whole family there, who congratulated him and sent him on his way with a big gift envelope.

At the second house they presented him with a box of fine cigars.

The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures.

At the fourth house he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful woman in a revealing negligee.

She took him by the hand, gently led him through the door, and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced.

When he had had enough they went downstairs, where she fixed him a giant breakfast, eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and fresh squeezed orange juice.

When he was truly satisfied she poured him a cup of steaming coffee.

As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge. "All this was just too wonderful for words," he said, "but what's the dollar for?"

"Well," she said, "last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day, and that we should do something special for you. I asked him what to give you."

He said, "Fuck him, give him a dollar."

The lady then said, "The breakfast was my idea."

If you've got a cock then use it, if you're a lady abuse it.


Offline alb6401

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Reply #769 on: January 18, 2013, 02:29:19 AM
Oh Vinney the mail man joke was funny ass shit!

Me getting old, Nah, just more refined!


Offline GEMINIGUY

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Reply #770 on: January 18, 2013, 08:40:11 AM
Yeah, Vinney! More wives should "listen" to their husbands like that. ;-)

"If it's good enough for the Gemini Guys
Then it's good enough for me" - Adam Ant


Offline vinney

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Reply #771 on: January 18, 2013, 11:38:26 AM
Yeah, Vinney! More wives should "listen" to their husbands like that. ;-)

True... so very, very true...!

If you've got a cock then use it, if you're a lady abuse it.


Offline Jem

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Reply #772 on: January 18, 2013, 11:50:48 AM
 :emot_rotf: :emot_rotf: :emot_rotf: :emot_rotf: :emot_rotf: :emot_rotf:



Offline Jem

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Reply #773 on: January 18, 2013, 01:08:13 PM
Why do women wear panties?

Because it's the law. The Health and Safety Act, 1985 states that "All manholes are to be covered when not in use"  ;D



Offline vinney

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Reply #774 on: January 19, 2013, 12:51:16 AM
One morning while making breakfast, a man walks up to his wife and pinches her on her butt and says, "You know if you firmed this up we could get rid of your girdle."

While this was on the edge of intolerable, she thought herself better and replied with silence.

The next morning the man woke his wife with a pinch on the breast and said, "You know if you firmed these up we could get rid of your bra."

This was beyond a silence response, so she rolled over and grabbed him by the penis. With a death grip in place she said, "You know if you firmed this up we could get rid of your brother!

If you've got a cock then use it, if you're a lady abuse it.


Offline Latina

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Reply #775 on: January 19, 2013, 06:16:30 AM
 :emot_laughing:  :emot_rotf:

I'm a lady on the street, a Mrs. in the house and whore in the bedroom...


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Reply #776 on: January 19, 2013, 06:19:26 AM
One morning while making breakfast, a man walks up to his wife and pinches her on her butt and says, "You know if you firmed this up we could get rid of your girdle."

While this was on the edge of intolerable, she thought herself better and replied with silence.

The next morning the man woke his wife with a pinch on the breast and said, "You know if you firmed these up we could get rid of your bra."

This was beyond a silence response, so she rolled over and grabbed him by the penis. With a death grip in place she said, "You know if you firmed this up we could get rid of your brother!

 :emot_weird:



Offline vinney

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Reply #777 on: January 22, 2013, 11:34:27 PM
There was a virgin that was going out on a date for the first time and she told her grandmother about it.

Her grandmother says, "Sit here and let me tell you about those young boys. "He is going to try to kiss you; you are going to like that, but don't let him do that."

She continued, "He is going to try to feel your breast; you are going to like that, but don't let him do that. He is going to try to put his hand between your legs; you are going to like that, but don't let him do that."

Then the grandmother said, "But, most importantly, he is going to try to get on top of you and have his way with you. You are going to like that, but don't let him do that. It will disgrace the family."

With that bit of advice in mind, the granddaughter went on her date and could not wait to tell her grandmother about it. The next day she told her grandmother that her date went just as the old lady said.

She said, "Grandmother, I didn't let him disgrace the family. When he tried, I turned him over, got on top of him and disgraced his family."

If you've got a cock then use it, if you're a lady abuse it.


Offline Partner

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Reply #778 on: January 22, 2013, 11:45:52 PM
Sex ed matters, yo.   :emot_rotf:



Offline Tech_Guy

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Reply #779 on: January 23, 2013, 06:52:06 AM
Good one Vinney! :emot_laughing: