KRISTEN'S BOARD
KB - a better class of pervert

GEMINIGUY · **Reply #840 on:** February 03, 2013, 04:22:48 AM

lol I had figured they forgot the plug in the pain transfer machine or something... ;-)

TheciaMarie · **Reply #841 on:** February 03, 2013, 04:26:35 PM

Stuttering Cat - as explained by a Grade 4 student

A teacher is explaining biology to her 4th grade students. "Human beings are the only animals that stutter," she says.

A little girl raises her hand. "I had a kitty-cat who stuttered."

The teacher, knowing how precious some of these stories could become, asked the girl to describe the incident.

"Well," she began, "I was in the back yard with my kitty and the Rottweiler that lives next door got a running start and before we knew it, he jumped over the fence into our yard!"

"That must've been scary," said the teacher.

"It sure was," said the little girl.

"My kitty raised her back, went 'Ffffff!, Ffffff!, Fffffff,' but before she could say 'Fuck!,' the Rottweiler ate her!"

The teacher had to leave the room.

vinney · **Reply #842 on:** February 03, 2013, 06:41:27 PM

vinney · **Reply #843 on:** February 03, 2013, 06:50:38 PM

When I was in junior. high, all I wanted was a girl with large breasts.

In high school, I dated a girl with large breasts, but there was no passion. So I decided I needed a passionate girl.

In college, I dated a passionate girl, but she was too emotional. Everything was an emergency, she cried all the time. So I decided I needed a girl with some stability.

I found a very stable girl, but she was boring. She never got excited about anything. So I decided I needed a girl with some excitement.

I found an exciting girl, but I couldn't keep up with her. She rushed from one thing to another, never settling on anything. She was directionless. So I decided to find a girl with some ambition.

After college, I found an ambitious girl and married her. She was so ambitious, she divorced me and took everything I owned.

Now all I want is a girl with large breasts.

GEMINIGUY · **Reply #844 on:** February 03, 2013, 07:36:49 PM

You and me both, Vinney. ;-) You and me both.

vinney · **Reply #845 on:** February 03, 2013, 08:10:24 PM

Is that one each GG...? If so bags I have the right one and you have what's left...!!!

GEMINIGUY · **Reply #846 on:** February 03, 2013, 08:12:22 PM

Are you saying the one who's left is ugly or something? What are you trying to say?

lol

watasch · **Reply #847 on:** February 03, 2013, 11:05:33 PM

Quote from: TheciaMarie on February 03, 2013, 04:26:35 PM

Stuttering Cat - as explained by a Grade 4 student

A teacher is explaining biology to her 4th grade students. "Human beings are the only animals that stutter," she says.

A little girl raises her hand. "I had a kitty-cat who stuttered."

The teacher, knowing how precious some of these stories could become, asked the girl to describe the incident.

"Well," she began, "I was in the back yard with my kitty and the Rottweiler that lives next door got a running start and before we knew it, he jumped over the fence into our yard!"

"That must've been scary," said the teacher.

"It sure was," said the little girl.

"My kitty raised her back, went 'Ffffff!, Ffffff!, Fffffff,' but before she could say 'Fuck!,' the Rottweiler ate her!"

The teacher had to leave the room.

OK, that one got me to laughing out loud. Even the dogs and cats in the house wondered what was going on. Good one!!

vinney · **Reply #848 on:** February 04, 2013, 12:21:26 AM

Quote from: Geminiguy on February 03, 2013, 08:12:22 PM

Are you saying the one who's left is ugly or something? What are you trying to say? lol

Okay... okay... playing fair now...makes no difference as they're both beautiful... a beautiful pair of DD's... so you have the right one... and I'll have the one that's left...

vinney · **Reply #849 on:** February 04, 2013, 12:59:48 AM

An old man is walking down the street one afternoon when he sees a woman with perfect breasts.

He says to her, "Hey miss, would you let me BITE your breasts for $1,000?"

"Are you nuts?!" she replies, and keeps walking away.

He turns around, runs around the block and gets to the corner before she does. "Would you let me bite your breasts for $ 10,000?" he asks again.

"Listen you; I'm not that kind of woman! Got it?"

So the little old man runs around the next block and faces her again, "Would you let me bite your breasts - just once - for $100,000?!"

She thinks about it for a while and says,"Hmmmmm, $100,000... OK, just once, but not here. Let's go to that dark alley over there."

So they go into the alley, where she takes off her blouse to reveal the most perfect breasts in the world.

As soon as he sees them, he grabs them and starts caressing them, fondling them slowly, kissing them, licking them, burying his face in them - but not biting them.

The woman finally gets annoyed and asks, 'Well? Are you gonna bite them or not?'

"No!," says the little old man... "That costs too much!

vinney · **Reply #850 on:** February 04, 2013, 01:03:00 AM

A couple of women were playing golf one sunny Saturday morning. The first of the twosome teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole.

The ball hit one of the men, and he immediately clasped his hands together at his groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in evident agony.

The woman rushed down to the man and immediately began to apologize. "Please allow me to help. I'm a physical therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd allow me," she told him earnestly.

"Ummph, oooh, nnooo, I'll be alright. I'll be fine in a few minutes," he replied breathlessly as he remained in the fetal position still clasping his hands together in his groin.

But she persisted, and he finally allowed her to help him. She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, she loosened his pants, and she put her hands inside. She began to massage him. She then asked him "How does that feel?"

He replied "It feels great, but my thumb still hurts like hell."

vinney · **Reply #851 on:** February 04, 2013, 01:05:52 AM

One day in the forest, 3 guys were just hiking along a trail when all of a sudden, a huge pack of Indians attacked them and knocked them out.

When they woke up, they were at the leader of the tribe’s throne.

The chief then said “All of your lives may be spared if you can find ten of one fruit and bring them back to me.”

So after a while the first man returned with 10 apples. The chief then ordered him to stick all ten of them up his butt without making any expression at all on his face. He had a little bit of trouble with the first one and started crying while trying to put the next one in. He was soon killed.

Later, the next guy came in with 10 grapes. The chief soon ordered him to do the same as the first guy. After to the 9th grape, the man started laughing so hard for no apparent reason, and was killed.

The first two guys soon met in heaven and the first guy ask the second, “Why did you start laughing? You only needed one more grape and you’d have gotten away!”

The second guy answered while still laughing, “I couldn’t help it. I saw the third guy walking in with pineapples.”

DemonDelight · **Reply #852 on:** February 04, 2013, 03:45:22 AM

Omg that last one had me laughing the hardest!!

Latina · **Reply #853 on:** February 04, 2013, 05:05:10 AM

Quote from: vinney on February 04, 2013, 01:05:52 AM

One day in the forest, 3 guys were just hiking along a trail when all of a sudden, a huge pack of Indians attacked them and knocked them out.

When they woke up, they were at the leader of the tribe’s throne.

The chief then said “All of your lives may be spared if you can find ten of one fruit and bring them back to me.”

So after a while the first man returned with 10 apples. The chief then ordered him to stick all ten of them up his butt without making any expression at all on his face. He had a little bit of trouble with the first one and started crying while trying to put the next one in. He was soon killed.

Later, the next guy came in with 10 grapes. The chief soon ordered him to do the same as the first guy. After to the 9th grape, the man started laughing so hard for no apparent reason, and was killed.

The first two guys soon met in heaven and the first guy ask the second, “Why did you start laughing? You only needed one more grape and you’d have gotten away!”

The second guy answered while still laughing, “I couldn’t help it. I saw the third guy walking in with pineapples.”

OMG, thank you Vinney... really needed the laugh

Jem · **Reply #854 on:** February 04, 2013, 08:48:34 AM

"Give it here!"

"Let me have it!"

"It's my turn!"

"You had it last!"

"Fuck off!"

"Come on, gimme it!"

"No way!"

"But it's my go"

..................................Siamese twins having a wank

vinney · **Reply #855 on:** February 04, 2013, 11:55:45 AM

Share and share alike...

vinney · **Reply #856 on:** February 04, 2013, 02:16:22 PM

Josh lusted after Linda.

When she finally agreed to go out with him, he took her out to dinner and then afterwards, drove her five miles out into the country, parked, and said passionately, "I want you right here, right now. Do it... or you can walk home!"

Without saying a word, Linda got out of the car and walked home.

A month later, after much apologizing, Linda agreed to go out with Josh again. This time he drove ten miles out in the country, parked, and begged, "Please. I must make love to you right now. Do it... or walk home!"

Again, Linda walked home.

Two months later, after even more apologizing and gifts of flowers and jeweler, she accepted another invitation. This time, just to make sure, Josh drove fifty miles out of town and gave her the same ultimatum.

Without a word, Linda undressed and gave him the greatest sex of his young life. As they were driving home, Josh asked, "Why did you walk home the first two dates, when you so obviously enjoy sex?"

Linda answered, "Well, it's like this: I'll walk five miles or even ten miles to save a friend from AIDS, but fifty..."

vinney · **Reply #857 on:** February 04, 2013, 08:12:58 PM

A young lady had just visited her doctor and was informed she was pregnant. She had been married for ten years and had wanted a baby very badly. As she sat on the bus on her way home, she felt she had to share the good news with someone. The gentleman sitting next to her seemed as good as anyone to tell.

"Sir," she said. "I just received the best news you could ever imagine. I have to share it with someone or I'll burst." She told him what the doctor had told her and how long she had waited for the event.

The man shared her enthusiasm, then he shared his experience. He said he was a farmer. "I use to have trouble with the hens laying fertilized eggs. But one day I went out to the hen house and checked the eggs the hens had laid. All were fertilized."

"What changed that made them all fertilized?" the young lady asked.

"Simple. I changed cocks!"

"Confidentially," the newly pregnant woman responded, "So did I."

vinney · **Reply #858 on:** February 04, 2013, 08:37:11 PM

A boy is at school and he hears the older kids talking about pussy, and their bitch. The boy confused by this goes to his mother. “Mom”, the boy asks, “What’s a pussy?”

The mother being startled by this thinks quick and finds the closest dictionary and opens it up to a picture of a cat and says “Son, that is a pussy.” the son then asks “What’s a bitch?” The mother again thinking quickly opens to a picture of a dog and says “Son, this is a bitch.”

The son walks away still confused, and sees his father watching television. The son walks up to his father and says “Dad, what’s a pussy?” The father doesn’t want to miss the baseball game so he quickly whips out his Penthouse magazine to the centerfold, grabs a marker and draws a circle around the vagina and says “Son, this is a pussy!”

The son, now starting to understand what the older boys are talking about asks “Then, what is a bitch?”

The dad replies, “That’s everything outside the circle!”

GEMINIGUY · **Reply #859 on:** February 04, 2013, 10:37:19 PM

Another hilarious He Said, She Said joke. Thanks, Vinney!

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