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TinyDancer

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Reply #2640 on: October 20, 2014, 06:38:13 PM
LOL....didn't expect that, thanks for posting staci.


Offline msslave

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Reply #2641 on: October 20, 2014, 06:59:13 PM
Great story Staci.  What a twist.

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Offline vinney

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Reply #2642 on: October 20, 2014, 11:29:03 PM
Brilliant Stacy... and so is your story... Woo...

vinney

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TinyDancer

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Reply #2643 on: October 22, 2014, 01:37:05 PM
Nag, Nag, Nag

There was an attorney who got home late one evening after a very taxing day trying to get a stay of execution for a client, named Wilbur Wright, who was due to be hanged for murder at midnight. His last minute plea for clemency to the state governor had failed and he was feeling tired and depressed.

 As soon as he got through the door his wife started on about, "What time of night do you call this? Where the hell have you been?" and so on. Too shattered to play his usual role in this familiar ritual , he went and poured himself a very large whisky and headed off to the bathroom for a long hot soak - pursued by the predictable sarcastic remarks.

 While he was in the bathroom the phone rang, which the wife answered to be told that her husband's client had been granted his stay of execution after all. Realizing what a day he must have had, she relented a little and went upstairs to give him the good news.

 As she opened the bathroom door she was greeted by the sight of her husband's rear view as he bent naked over the bath cleaning the tub. "They're not hanging Wright tonight," she said, at which the attorney whirled round and screamed hysterically, "For crying out loud woman, don't you ever stop?"


joe_and_michelle

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Reply #2644 on: October 22, 2014, 01:46:29 PM
Both funny jokes, Staci and TD.


Offline watasch

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Reply #2645 on: October 22, 2014, 03:35:55 PM
Now that was a joke that definitely reflected my attitude at times!


Offline aaron23062

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Reply #2646 on: October 25, 2014, 02:35:39 AM
auto-fellatio:  from the Latin, meaning my car sucks.

The truth is a three-edged sword.  -- Kosh

Offline anvil

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Reply #2647 on: October 27, 2014, 08:34:33 AM
wouldn't it be funny if breast implants came with a squeaky toy inside?

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Offline vinney

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Reply #2648 on: October 28, 2014, 12:20:06 AM
A teacher is teaching a class and she sees that Johnny isn't paying attention, so she asks him, "If there are three ducks sitting on a fence, and you shoot one, how many are left?"

Johnny says, "None."

The teacher asks, "Why?"

Johnny says, "Because the shot scared them all off."

The teacher says, "No, two, but I like how you're thinking."

Johnny asks the teacher, "If you see three women walking out of an ice cream parlor, one is licking her ice cream, one is sucking her ice cream, and one is biting her ice cream, which one is married?"

The teacher says, "The one sucking her ice cream."

Johnny says, "No, the one with the wedding ring, but I like how you're thinking!"

If you've got a cock then use it, if you're a lady abuse it.

Offline vinney

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Reply #2649 on: October 28, 2014, 12:21:47 AM
A few months after his parents were divorced, little Johnny passed by his mom's bedroom and saw her rubbing her body and moaning, "I need a man, I need a man!"

Over the next couple of months, he saw her doing this several times. One day, he came home from school and heard her moaning. When he peeked into her bedroom, he saw a man on top of her.

Little Johnny ran into his room, took off his clothes, threw himself on his bed, started stroking himself, and moaning, "Ohh, I need a bike! I need a bike!"

If you've got a cock then use it, if you're a lady abuse it.

Offline vinney

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Reply #2650 on: October 28, 2014, 12:24:43 AM
A man was having premature ejaculation problems so he went to the doctor. The doctor said, "When you feel like you are getting ready to ejaculate, try startling yourself."

That same day the man went to the store and bought himself a starter pistol and ran home to his wife. That night the two were having sex and found themselves in the 69 position. The man felt the urge to ejaculate and fired the starter pistol.

The next day he went back to the doctor who asked how it went.

The man answered, "Not well. When I fired the pistol, my wife pooped on my face, bit three inches off my penis, and my neighbor came out of the closet with his hands in the air."

If you've got a cock then use it, if you're a lady abuse it.

Offline Well Behaved Lady

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Reply #2651 on: October 28, 2014, 09:43:57 PM
Different professions......
Different Instruction..........
Same Interest...............

Doctor:"Please take off your clothes."
Dentist: "Now open wide and hold still"
Veterinarian:"How's your pretty pussy?"
Gardener: "Want me to fertilize your bush?"
Lawyer: "Let's go over section 69."
Banker: "If you withdraw too early you lose interest."
Chef: "Do you like it hot and spicy.?"
Police: "You don't need protection."
Army personnel: "Load. Aim. Fire."
Swimming instructor: "Go deeper."
Gym trainer: "Push harder"
Interior Decorator: "Once its done, you will love it"
Telephone Guy : "Would you like it on the table or against the wall?"


Offline Well Behaved Lady

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Reply #2652 on: October 28, 2014, 10:08:45 PM
A girl realises there is hair growing between her legs. She gets worried and yells to her Mom about the hair. Her Mom calmly says "That part where hair has grown is called a monkey, be proud that your monkey has grown hair." Next morning at breakfast she tells her older sister "My monkey has grown hair"
Her elder sister smiles and says. "That's nothing, mine started eating bananas."


Offline GEMINIGUY

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Reply #2653 on: October 29, 2014, 12:35:35 AM
And mom faints at hearing that... :^)

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Then it's good enough for me" - Adam Ant

Offline vinney

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Reply #2654 on: October 29, 2014, 02:49:17 AM
A lady comes home from her doctor's appointment grinning from ear to ear. Her husband asks, "Why are you so happy?"

The wife says, "The doctor told me that for a forty-five year old woman, I have the breasts of a eighteen year old."

"Oh yeah?" quipped her husband, "What did he say about your forty-five year old ass?"

She said, "Your name never came up in the conversation."

If you've got a cock then use it, if you're a lady abuse it.

Offline GEMINIGUY

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Reply #2655 on: October 29, 2014, 07:23:03 AM
OUCH! lol

"If it's good enough for the Gemini Guys
Then it's good enough for me" - Adam Ant

Offline TheciaMarie

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Reply #2656 on: October 29, 2014, 03:39:02 PM


JAPANESE SEX

A Japanese couple is having an argument over ways of performing highly erotic sex:

Husband: Sukitaki. Wife replies: Kowanini!

Husband says: Toka a anji rodi roumi yakoo!

Wife on her knees literally begging: Mimi nakoundinda tinkouji!

Husband replies angrily: Na miaou kina tim kouji!

I can't believe you just sat and tried to read this -- as if you understand Japanese!

You'll read anything as long as it is about sex.

You need serious help.

You are one sick puppy!

I thought I was into bestiality and necrophilia until I realized I was just beating a dead horse.

Offline redhatlover

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Reply #2657 on: October 29, 2014, 04:31:08 PM
That's why we are here!

I am like Charlie the Tuna.  I don't want women with good taste, I want women who taste good.

Offline GEMINIGUY

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Reply #2658 on: October 29, 2014, 05:09:47 PM
Heehee, as if you're any different than the rest of us, Thecia... ;-)

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Then it's good enough for me" - Adam Ant

Offline Katiebee

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Reply #2659 on: October 29, 2014, 06:59:29 PM
Shhhhb! I'm trying to learn Japanese, here.

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