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Author Topic: Joke of the Day  (Read 231480 times)
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msslave
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« Reply #3555 on: March 24, 2020, 10:15:26 PM »

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Jed_
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« Reply #3556 on: March 25, 2020, 06:38:18 PM »





For the last time, It’s Jed. . . . not Jeb!!!!
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msslave
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« Reply #3557 on: March 25, 2020, 06:45:30 PM »

 emot_laughing emot_laughing emot_laughing
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MintJulie
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« Reply #3558 on: March 25, 2020, 07:42:40 PM »





For the last time, It’s Jed. . . . not Jeb!!!!


I thought the same thing.


The bad part is, when you were done assaulting it, you served it up on a plate.


 That said, I made pasta salad for dinner last night to go with fried chicken.
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Jed_
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« Reply #3559 on: March 25, 2020, 08:58:20 PM »

It was fried chicken wings.  Those girls couldn’t have flown anyway, especially after I was done with them.
« Last Edit: March 26, 2020, 01:34:18 AM by Jed_ » Logged
Littlebit
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« Reply #3560 on: March 25, 2020, 10:51:19 PM »


Heard a Dr. on TV saying in this time of Coronavirus staying at home we should focus on inner peace. To achieve this we should always finish things we start and we all could use more calm in our lives. I looked through my house to  find things i'd started and hadn't finished, so I finished off a bottle of Merlot, a bottle of Chardonnay, a bodle of Baileys, a butle of wum, tha mainder of Valiumun srciptuns, an a box a chocletz. Yu haf no idr how feckin fablus I feel rite now. Sned this to all who need inner piss. An telum u luvum. And two hash yer wands, stafe day avrybobby!!!  Huh?Huh?Huh?Huh?Huh?Huh?Huh?Huh?
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msslave
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« Reply #3561 on: March 25, 2020, 11:02:52 PM »

 emot_laughing emot_laughing emot_laughing
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vinney
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« Reply #3562 on: March 26, 2020, 01:14:49 AM »


Heard a Dr. on TV saying in this time of Coronavirus staying at home we should focus on inner peace. To achieve this we should always finish things we start and we all could use more calm in our lives. I looked through my house to  find things i'd started and hadn't finished, so I finished off a bottle of Merlot, a bottle of Chardonnay, a bodle of Baileys, a butle of wum, tha mainder of Valiumun srciptuns, an a box a chocletz. Yu haf no idr how feckin fablus I feel rite now. Sned this to all who need inner piss. An telum u luvum. And two hash yer wands, stafe day avrybobby!!!  Huh?Huh?Huh?Huh?Huh?Huh?Huh?Huh?

Brilliant!!! And a great big WOO...
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Shiela_M
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« Reply #3563 on: March 26, 2020, 02:03:54 AM »


Heard a Dr. on TV saying in this time of Coronavirus staying at home we should focus on inner peace. To achieve this we should always finish things we start and we all could use more calm in our lives. I looked through my house to  find things i'd started and hadn't finished, so I finished off a bottle of Merlot, a bottle of Chardonnay, a bodle of Baileys, a butle of wum, tha mainder of Valiumun srciptuns, an a box a chocletz. Yu haf no idr how feckin fablus I feel rite now. Sned this to all who need inner piss. An telum u luvum. And two hash yer wands, stafe day avrybobby!!!  Huh?Huh?Huh?Huh?Huh?Huh?Huh?Huh?

I hate you,  laughed so hard my sides hurt along with everything else now  emot_laughing
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ToeinH2O
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« Reply #3564 on: March 30, 2020, 07:46:26 PM »

So.....

I just got back from Walmart. I've never been so rudely treated in my life!! All I did was ask for toilet paper at the service desk. The woman behind the counter yelled at the top of her lungs "OH MY GOD, ARE YOU SERIOUS!!??"

I politely said, "There's no need to make a scene, lady" and shuffled back to the bathroom with my pants around my ankles.
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gater67
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« Reply #3565 on: April 03, 2020, 10:55:19 PM »


The Lone Ranger and Tonto went camping in the desert.
After they got their tent all set up, both men fell sound asleep.
Some hours later, Tonto wakes the Lone Ranger and says,
'Kemo Sabe, look towards sky, what you see?'
'The Lone Ranger replies, 'I see millions of stars.'
'What that tell you?' asked Tonto.
The Lone Ranger ponders for a minute then says, 'Astronomically speaking, it tells me there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three in the morning. Theologically, the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.
What's it tell you, Tonto?'
'You dumber than buffalo. It means someone stole the tent'
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ToeinH2O
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« Reply #3566 on: April 04, 2020, 08:16:00 AM »

A DEA officer stopped at a ranch in Texas, and talked with an old rancher. He told the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs." The rancher said, "Okay, but don't go in that field over there...", as he pointed out the location.

The DEA officer verbally exploded saying, " Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me!" Reaching into his rear pants pocket, the arrogant officer removed his badge and proudly displayed it to the rancher. "See this fucking badge?!? This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish... On any land!!! No questions asked or answers given!!! Have I made myself clear... do you understand?!?!"

The rancher nodded politely, apologized, and went about his chores. A short time later, the old rancher heard loud screams, looked up, and saw the DEA officer running for his life, being chased by the rancher's big Santa Gertrudis bull... With every step, the bull was gaining ground on the officer, and it seemed likely that he'd sure enough get gored before he reached safety. The officer was clearly terrified. The rancher threw down his tools, ran to the fence and yelled at the top of his lungs...

"Your badge, show him your fucking BADGE!!!" 
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msslave
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« Reply #3567 on: April 08, 2020, 01:42:46 PM »

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msslave
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« Reply #3568 on: April 08, 2020, 01:44:23 PM »

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« Reply #3569 on: April 08, 2020, 02:21:34 PM »

Damn, already used my woo, and this is even better than that one.  emot_laughing
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