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Offline Shiela_M

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Reply #3620 on: August 24, 2020, 01:30:45 PM


I'm officially a dinosaur then.  :D

Somebody needs to be on a microfiche in the background. :emot_laughing:



Offline msslave

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Reply #3621 on: August 25, 2020, 05:34:30 PM
Please...no groaning after viewing post. :(

Well trained and been made compliant....by my cat Neville


Offline msslave

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Reply #3622 on: August 28, 2020, 12:44:27 PM

Well trained and been made compliant....by my cat Neville


Offline msslave

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Reply #3623 on: September 05, 2020, 08:58:46 PM
Just off the newswire. A cheese factory has blown up in France.

Early reports say da-brie was everywhere.

 :facepalm:

Well trained and been made compliant....by my cat Neville


Offline blackdog

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Reply #3624 on: September 12, 2020, 08:49:33 PM
I was passing by my mate Charlie's farm yesterday and he was in the yard kissing the arse of one of his cows.
"Hey Charlie, why are you kissing that cow's arse?" I asked.
"Well," he replied "I've got terribly chapped lips."
"Does that cure chapped lips then?" I inquired.
"No," He answered, "but it do stop me licking them for a few minutes."
« Last Edit: September 12, 2020, 08:53:24 PM by blackdog »

Inside every "God bless your heart" is a tiny "F**k you"


Offline blackdog

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Reply #3625 on: September 13, 2020, 10:27:11 AM
Last week I went for my annual medical checkup and it was a lady doctor who did it. After a few minutes she said "You really must stop masturbating."
"Why do I have to do that?" I asked, to which she said, "Because it's making it very difficult for me to examine you."

Inside every "God bless your heart" is a tiny "F**k you"


DurangoDan

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Reply #3626 on: September 16, 2020, 01:37:11 AM


Q:  What does a pizza delivery boy and a gynocologist have in common?

A:   The both get to smell it, but will get in trouble if they try to taste it.



Offline msslave

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Reply #3627 on: September 17, 2020, 01:46:43 PM

Well trained and been made compliant....by my cat Neville


Offline watcher1

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Reply #3628 on: September 28, 2020, 06:29:15 PM
Man walking past a pub sees a sign in the window that says, Free Beer For Life.

He goes inside and asks the bartender how does he get free beer for life.

The bartender says he has to drink a gallon of tequila as quickly as he can; go out back and pull a tooth from the alligator that is kept in the pool, and lastly, go upstairs where the ugliest woman in town lives and make love to her.

The man guzzles down the gallon of tequila as fast as he can and proceeds to go out back where the bar patrons can hear splashing and screaming coming from the pool where the alligator is.

Ten minutes later, the man, all disheveled, enters the bar and asks the bartender where the ugly lady with the bad tooth is....

Emancipate yourself from mental slavery, none but ourselves can free our minds.


Offline msslave

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Reply #3629 on: September 28, 2020, 08:28:59 PM
 :emot_laughing: Some people just can't follow instructions. :facepalm:

Well trained and been made compliant....by my cat Neville


Offline watcher1

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Reply #3630 on: September 30, 2020, 04:20:11 PM
An outing by nuns turned tragic when their bus crashed and all the nuns died. Upon entering Heaven and standing before the Pearly Gates they were stopped by St Peter. He told the nuns that if any of them ever touched a man's penis, they were to dip the part that touched the penis in the holy water that was in a basin next to St Peter.

Sister Dorothy told St Peter that she once touched a man's penis with her finger. St Peter then commanded her to dip her finger in the holy water and enter.

Sister Dominica mentioned she had once grabbed a man's penis. St Peter commander her to dip her entire hand in the holy water and enter.

There was a scuffle occurring in the line and soon Sister Elizabeth came running up to the holy water and told St Peter that she wanted to gargle the holy water before Sister Teresa washed her ass in it...

Emancipate yourself from mental slavery, none but ourselves can free our minds.


Offline Shiela_M

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Reply #3631 on: September 30, 2020, 05:18:43 PM
Not enough holy water in the world to...  never mind :facepalm:



Offline watcher1

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Reply #3632 on: October 01, 2020, 02:45:21 AM
Not enough holy water in the world to...  never mind :facepalm:

Are you saying that you would need to take a bath in holy water?  8)

Emancipate yourself from mental slavery, none but ourselves can free our minds.


Offline Shiela_M

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Reply #3633 on: October 01, 2020, 02:54:56 AM
Not enough holy water in the world to...  never mind :facepalm:

Are you saying that you would need to take a bath in holy water?  8)

Just go ahead and have a priest bless the hot tub  :facepalm:



Offline msslave

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Reply #3634 on: October 01, 2020, 08:59:26 PM

Well trained and been made compliant....by my cat Neville


Offline msslave

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Reply #3635 on: October 02, 2020, 11:37:31 AM

Well trained and been made compliant....by my cat Neville


Offline purpleshoes

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Reply #3636 on: October 15, 2020, 02:13:56 PM
"When this covid thing is over..." is starting to sound like "When I win the lottery..."



Offline watcher1

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Reply #3637 on: October 18, 2020, 03:50:55 PM

Emancipate yourself from mental slavery, none but ourselves can free our minds.


_priapism

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Reply #3638 on: October 20, 2020, 01:31:50 AM
When Apollo Mission Astronaut Neil Armstrong first walked on the moon, he not only gave his famous “One small step for man; one giant leap for mankind” statement, but followed it by several remarks, including the usual COM traffic between him, the other astronauts, and Mission Control. Before he re-entered the lander, he made the enigmatic remark “Good luck, Mr. Gorsky.”Many people at NASA thought it was a casual remark concerning some rival Soviet Cosmonaut. However, upon checking, [they found] there was no Gorsky in either the Russian or American space programs.

Over the years, many people have questioned him as to what the “Good luck, Mr. Gorsky” statement meant. On July 5, in Tampa Bay, FL, while answering questions following a speech, a reporter brought up the 26- year-old question to Armstrong. He finally responded. It seems that Mr. Gorsky had died and so Armstrong felt he could answer the question. When he was a kid, Neil was playing baseball with his brother in the backyard. His brother hit a fly ball which landed in front of his neighbors’ bedroom window. The neighbors were Mr. and Mrs. Gorsky. As he leaned down to pick up the ball, he heard Mrs. Gorsky shouting at Mr. Gorsky, “Oral sex? Oral sex you want? You’ll get oral sex when the kid next door walks on the moon!”



Offline Jed_

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Reply #3639 on: October 20, 2020, 02:00:16 AM
My uncle told me that years ago.  I always wondered if it was real or urban legend?

I always liked it though.  My uncle who is extremely conservative said ‘blow job’ when he told me, LOL.