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Offline staci

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Reply #4160 on: August 11, 2022, 03:06:44 PM
You need to be PUN-ished.

one of the originals


Offline purpleshoes

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Reply #4161 on: August 12, 2022, 12:59:11 PM

Why do seagulls fly over the ocean?

Because if they flew over the bay, we'd call them bagels.



Offline martinblank

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Reply #4162 on: August 12, 2022, 02:46:55 PM
Such a bad dad joke



Offline Shiela_M

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Reply #4163 on: August 12, 2022, 03:19:31 PM
How is MJ like a pinky toe?

She's small, she's cute, and somebody might bang her on a coffee table

Had to use somebody else. Felt too conceded using me in the joke



Offline MintJulie

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Reply #4164 on: August 12, 2022, 04:51:12 PM
And people wonder why I have 2 coffee tables in the family room.  Only KB members knows the real reason.


Woo 1414 to S

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          You might not know this, but I have a thing for Tom Brady (and Bill Clinton)
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Offline ObiDongKenobi

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Reply #4165 on: August 12, 2022, 06:08:49 PM
A family were staying at a nudist camp for their vacation.

The young son came back to the tent and said, "Wow, Mom! You should see some of those girls. They've got these HUGE..."

"Yes, well," his mother sniffs. "The larger they are, the dumber the woman."

Next day the boy comes back to the tent again. "You wouldn't believe some of the guys out there. They have these HUGE..."

"Yes, well, like I said, the bigger they are, the dumber the man."

"Really?" the boy said, frowning with puzzlement. "We might be in trouble, Mom."

"Why, honey?"

"Because Dad's out there talking to a really stupid girl, and he's getting dumber by the minute."

Princess, would you like to see it light up and hum when I wave it about


Offline Pornhubby

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Reply #4166 on: August 12, 2022, 06:10:01 PM

Dad's out there talking to a really stupid girl, and he's getting dumber by the minute.


Story of my life. Woo.  :emot_laughing:

”You can be mad as a mad dog at the way things went.  You can swear and curse the fates.  But when it comes to the end, you have to let go.” — The Curious Case of Benjamin Button



Offline Pornhubby

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Reply #4167 on: August 15, 2022, 06:49:19 PM
I went to a beekeeper and asked him for 12 bees. He gave me 13 bees and said the extra one was a freebie

”You can be mad as a mad dog at the way things went.  You can swear and curse the fates.  But when it comes to the end, you have to let go.” — The Curious Case of Benjamin Button



Offline msslave

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Reply #4168 on: August 15, 2022, 08:11:50 PM
Dang Toe... didn't know whether to groan or laugh...so I laughed. :emot_laughing:

Well trained and been made compliant....by my cat Neville


Offline Shiela_M

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Reply #4169 on: August 15, 2022, 08:17:06 PM
An eye roll and a good laugh from me. I'd woo you, but gotta wait 💋



Offline msslave

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Reply #4170 on: August 15, 2022, 10:12:07 PM
I lost my mood ring and don't know how to feel about it.


I made a pun about the wind, but it blows.


I can't believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off.

Well trained and been made compliant....by my cat Neville


Offline purpleshoes

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Reply #4171 on: August 18, 2022, 01:26:57 PM

I have a music playlist just for hiking.

Artists include The Peanuts, The Cranberries and Eminem.

I call it my Trail Mix.



Offline Shiela_M

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Reply #4172 on: August 18, 2022, 02:43:15 PM
Got to work this morning and my coworker asked if I had seen the dog bowl.

I said I didnt know any of the did.



Offline Writers Bloque

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Reply #4173 on: August 18, 2022, 02:44:26 PM
Got to work this morning and my coworker asked if I had seen the dog bowl.

I said I didnt know any of the did.

Funny!


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Offline Pornhubby

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Reply #4174 on: August 18, 2022, 03:17:57 PM
A ham sandwich walks into a bar and orders a beer, bartender says “sorry, we don’t serve food here.”

”You can be mad as a mad dog at the way things went.  You can swear and curse the fates.  But when it comes to the end, you have to let go.” — The Curious Case of Benjamin Button



Offline msslave

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Reply #4175 on: August 18, 2022, 03:30:42 PM
I went to buy some camo pants but couldn’t find any.

I know they say that money talks, but all mine says is ‘Goodbye.’

The problem with kleptomaniacs is that they always take things literally.

I used to think I was indecisive. But now I’m not so sure.

A termite walks into the bar and asks, ‘Is the bar tender here?’

Well trained and been made compliant....by my cat Neville


Offline Pornhubby

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Reply #4176 on: August 19, 2022, 03:51:20 AM
A cop pulls over a motorist…

Man: What's the problem officer?

Cop: You were going at least 75 in a 55 zone.

Man: No sir, I was going 65.

Wife: Oh Harry. You were going 80.

(Man gives his wife a dirty look.)

Cop: I'm also going to give you a ticket for your broken tail light.

Man: Broken tail light? I didn't know about a broken tail light!

Wife: Oh Harry, you've known about that tail light for weeks.

(Man gives his wife a dirty look.)

Cop: I'm also going to give you a citation for not wearing your seat belt.

Man: Oh, I just took it off when you were walking up to the car.

Wife: Oh Harry, you never wear your seat belt.

Man: Shut your mouth, woman!

Cop: Ma'am, does your husband always talk to you this way?

Wife: No, only when he's drunk.

”You can be mad as a mad dog at the way things went.  You can swear and curse the fates.  But when it comes to the end, you have to let go.” — The Curious Case of Benjamin Button



Offline purpleshoes

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Reply #4177 on: August 21, 2022, 01:43:39 PM
One of my writing instructors in college told the class we didn't need to worry about spelling because we can always rely on autocorrect.

For that I will be infernally grapefruit.



Offline watcher1

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Reply #4178 on: August 24, 2022, 04:53:30 PM
One day, in the Old West, there was a bitter battle going on between a squad of calvary soldiers and American Indians. At the very end of the battle, the lone surviving soldier was captured. He was taken to the Chief. 

The Chief told him that he has three days to live after which they will put him to death. But he can have one wish per day.

On the first day, he asked to have his horse brought to him. He whispered something in the horse's ear and off the horse galloped. Two hours later the horse returns with a blonde woman riding on it. The Indians looked at each other in puzzlement.

On the second day, he again asked to have his horse brought to him. Again, he whispered into the horse's ear and off the horse galloped. Two hours later the horse returns but this time a woman with red hair was riding it. The Indians, again, looked at each other in puzzlement.

On the third and final day, the soldier again asked that his horse be brought to him. Instead of whispering into the horse's ear like he did before, he shouted, POSSE, I said POSSE.

Emancipate yourself from mental slavery, none but ourselves can free our minds.


Offline msslave

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Reply #4179 on: August 24, 2022, 05:13:52 PM
 :emot_laughing: :emot_laughing: :emot_laughing:

Well trained and been made compliant....by my cat Neville