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Joke of the Day

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Offline Pornhubby

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Reply #4335 on: November 24, 2022, 05:54:17 PM
Which is the only day that there are more searches for “stuffing” on Google than on PornHub?
Thanksgiving.

How does one have a traditional Thanksgiving?
By going inviting the neighbors to dinner, murdering them, and taking their land.

I didn’t realize how racist my family was until I brought my black girlfriend home for Thanksgiving dinner.
My wife and kids absolutely hated her!

Why are Political opinions just like dicks?
Sometimes they lean left, sometimes they lean right, and nobody likes it when your crazy uncle whips his out at Thanksgiving dinner.

What did the rednecks do for Thanksgiving?
Pump kin pie.

What if the Pilgrims had shot a bobcat instead of a turkey?
We’d all be eating pussy on Thanksgiving.

Why does Thanksgiving feel like a date with Bill Cosby?
You wake up 3 hours later drowsy and wondering why you feel like you just got stuffed with dark meat.

What’s Marcy’s favorite part of Thanksgiving?
Eating Peppermint Patty.

What is a funny pickup line for Thanksgiving?
“If your upper lip is Christmas and your lower lip is Thanksgiving can I come visit any time in between?”

Two Alabama men are having a conversation.
“Imagine being in the same room with all of the people you’ve slept with,” the first man says to the second. “I don’t have to imagine,” says the second man, “I do that every Thanksgiving.”



Online ObiDongKenobi

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Reply #4336 on: November 25, 2022, 12:19:53 PM
 ;D ;D ;D

Princess, would you like to see it light up and hum when I wave it about


Offline Writers Bloque

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Reply #4337 on: November 25, 2022, 08:04:08 PM

View a list of all my stories here

To taste Heaven, one must play in Hell.


Offline purpleshoes

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Reply #4338 on: November 26, 2022, 01:44:19 PM

My wife blocked me on Facebook.

She said I posted too many bird puns.

Well, ha ha, toucan play at that game!



Offline watcher1

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Reply #4339 on: November 26, 2022, 02:53:33 PM
Very pun-y.  ;D ;D

Emancipate yourself from mental slavery, none but ourselves can free our minds.


Offline Pornhubby

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Reply #4340 on: November 26, 2022, 04:17:21 PM
Q: What did the letter O say to Q?

A: Dude, your dick is hanging out.

=====

Q: Whats the hardest part about eating a vegetable?

A: Putting her back in the wheelchair when your done...

=====

Q: What do you call 2 jalepeños having sex?

A: Fucking hot!

=====

Q: What do you call a 13 year old girl from Alabama who can run faster than her six brothers?

A: A virgin.

=====

Q: What did one gay sperm say to another?

A: How do we find an egg in all of this shit?

=====

Q: Why did God give men penises?

A: So they'd have at least one way to shut a woman up.

=====

A redhead tells her blonde stepsister, "I slept with a Brazilian."

The blonde replies, "Oh my God! You slut! How many is a brazilian?"

=====

Q: Did you hear about the guy who died of a Viagra overdose?

A: They couldn't close his casket.



Offline Swampthing99

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Reply #4341 on: November 28, 2022, 05:17:03 AM
If we ever manage time travel I'm sure many people would want to go back and see the dinosaurs.  Other people would want to go back and kill Hitler.  Still, others would want to go back and stop the Kenedy assassination.  Me, I'm going back to shake the hands of the people that invented air conditioning and yoga pants.

I'm lucky to be here with someone I like, who maketh my spirit to shine...


Offline Swampthing99

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Reply #4342 on: November 28, 2022, 05:18:24 AM
If I find out that a blood relative is posting amateur porn online and I masturbate to it; does that constitute incest?

I'm lucky to be here with someone I like, who maketh my spirit to shine...


Offline purpleshoes

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Reply #4343 on: November 28, 2022, 01:01:06 PM

Did you hear about the new Origami Porn channel?

It's paper view only.



Offline Pornhubby

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Reply #4344 on: November 28, 2022, 04:34:42 PM

Did you hear about the new Origami Porn channel?

It's paper view only.

 :emot_laughing: :emot_laughing: :emot_laughing:



Offline Shiela_M

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Reply #4345 on: November 28, 2022, 08:59:03 PM
Very dark humor. Allan's joke not mine.

A masochist, a necrophiliac, a murder, a pyromaniac, a zoophilic, were all sitting on a bench in a park when a cat walked by.

The zoophilic said, "let's fuck that cat."

The murder said, "let's fuck that cat, and then kill it."

The necrophiliac said, "let's fuck that cat, kill it, and then fuck it again."

The pyromaniac said, "let's fuck that cat, kill it, fuck it again, and then set it on fire."

After a short silence, they all looked at the masochist who looked back and said "Meow!"

I survive because the fire inside burn brighter than the fire around me. I am the Phoenix


Offline Pornhubby

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Reply #4346 on: November 28, 2022, 09:51:28 PM
That’s a big woo for Allan.



Offline Hoss

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Reply #4347 on: November 28, 2022, 10:58:21 PM

ITS A BOY" I shouted "A BOY, I DON'T BELIEVE IT, ITS A BOY". And with tears streaming down my face I swore I'd never visit another Thai Brothel!
 
 
My sister-in-law sat on my glasses and broke them. It was my own fault. I should have taken them off.
 
I spent a couple of hours defrosting the fridge last night, or "foreplay"  as she likes to call it.
 
After both suffering from depression for a while, me and the wife were going to commit suicide yesterday.  But strangely enough, once she killed herself, I started to feel a lot better.  So I thought, "Screw it, soldier on!"
 
I woke up this morning at 8, and could sense something was wrong. I got   downstairs and found the wife face down on the kitchen floor, not breathing! I panicked. I didn't know what to do. Then I remembered McDonald's serves breakfast until 11:30.
 
Bought the missus a hamster skin coat last week. Took her to the fair last night, and it took me 3 hours to get her off the Ferris wheel.
 
The other night, my wife asked me how many women I'd slept with. I told her, "Only you. All the others kept me awake all night!"
 
My missus packed my bags, and as I walked out the front door, she screamed, "I wish you a slow and painful death, you bastard!"  "Oh," I replied, "so now you want me to stay!"
 
A Catholic boy in confession says, "Bless me Father, I have sinned, I masturbated while thinking about my sister."   
"That's a disgrace,"   said the priest," especially when you have two gorgeous brothers."
 
After a night of drink, drugs and wild sex, Jim woke up to find himself next to a really ugly woman.  That's when he realized he had made it home safely.

Australian Kissing.....just like the French - but done "Down Under"...


Offline Pornhubby

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Reply #4348 on: November 28, 2022, 11:12:00 PM
Most McDonald’s stop serving breakfast at 10:30 or 11 AM. But I’m giving you a woo. That’s for some really funny ones. A couple of groaners.



Offline msslave

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Reply #4349 on: November 29, 2022, 01:00:54 AM
Nice bunch of quickies Hoss. Umm...I need help with the Thai joke. :facepalm:

Well trained and been made compliant....by my cat Neville