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Offline msslave

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Reply #3735 on: February 15, 2021, 02:09:04 PM

Well trained and been made compliant....by our two cats.


Offline msslave

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Reply #3736 on: February 16, 2021, 04:52:00 PM

Well trained and been made compliant....by our two cats.


Offline A Webber

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Reply #3737 on: February 20, 2021, 11:36:06 PM
"The Husband's 1, 2, 3."

A husband was given a gift certificate from his wife for a consultation with an American Indian medicine man living on a nearby reservation who was rumored to have a simple cure for erectile dysfunction. 

The husband went to the reservation and saw the medicine man. 

The old Indian gave him a potion and, with a grip on his shoulder, warned, "This is a powerful medicine. You take only one teaspoonful, and then say, 1-2-3. When you do this, you will become more manly than you have ever been in your life and you can perform for as long as you want."

The man thanked the old Indian medicine man and as he walked away, he turned and asked, "How do I stop the medicine from aking me hard?"

"Your partner must say, '1-2-3-4,' he responded, "but when she does, the medicine will not work again until the next full moon."   

He was very eager to see if it worked so he went home, showered, shaved, then took a spoonful of the medicine. Then he invited his wife to join him in the bedroom.

When she came in, he took off his clothes and said,  "1-2-3!"  Immediately, he becamme the manliest of men.

His wife was excited and began throwing off her clothes, aking,  "What was the 1-2-3 for?"

"@#$%$#!"

And that, boys and girls, is why we should never end our sentences with a preposition, because we could end up with a dangling participle.

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Offline MintJulie

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Reply #3738 on: February 20, 2021, 11:43:25 PM
Well done Mr Webber


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          You might not know this, but I have a thing for Tom Brady.  #TB12


Offline ToeinH2O

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Reply #3739 on: February 21, 2021, 12:04:40 AM
This is the thing concerning which I frequently speak.


Bravo!



Offline msslave

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Reply #3740 on: February 21, 2021, 01:37:33 AM
Yay and Woo! :emot_laughing:

Well trained and been made compliant....by our two cats.


Offline msslave

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Reply #3741 on: February 22, 2021, 05:42:06 PM

Well trained and been made compliant....by our two cats.


Online Shiela_M

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Reply #3742 on: February 22, 2021, 08:30:20 PM
A woman wakes up in a hospital bed, confused on how she got there.  When the doctor came into the room, she told the woman that she was found on the side of the road and that her heart had gone under a lot of stress.  She then asked the woman if she remembered anything.

"I remember getting ready to go for a run this morning and my husband asked me to stay home instead." Said woman.

The doctor then asked, "why did he want you to stay home?"

"He said that running 5 miles burns just as many calories as making love," said the woman

"Well that doesn't explain how you ended up on the side of the road like that," said the doctor.

The woman replied, "well I wanted to see if he was right so I tried running 5 miles in 30 seconds."

"I'm a hazard to my health, don't let me get me"


Offline staci

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Reply #3743 on: February 22, 2021, 11:36:14 PM
In Ireland,  the 99-year-old Mother Superior lay quietly.   She was dying.


 

The Nuns had gathered around her bed, laying garlands around her and trying to make her last journey comfortable.

They wanted to give her warm milk to drink but she declined. One of the nuns took the glass back to the kitchen.

Then, remembering a bottle of Irish Whiskey that had been received as a gift the previous Christmas,

she opened it and poured a generous amount into the warm milk.

Back at Mother Superior's bed, they lifted her head gently and held the glass to her lips.

The very frail Nun drank a little, then a little more and before they knew it, she had finished the whole glass down to the last drop.

As her eyes brightened, the nuns thought it would be a good opportunity to  have one last talk with their spiritual leader..

"Mother," the nuns asked earnestly, "Please give us some of your wisdom before you leave us."

 She raised herself up very slowly in the bed on one elbow, looked at them and said:

"DON'T SELL THAT COW.



Offline msslave

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Reply #3744 on: February 23, 2021, 12:08:59 AM
 :emot_laughing:

Well trained and been made compliant....by our two cats.


Offline Littlebit

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Reply #3745 on: February 23, 2021, 05:14:15 PM



Offline TMacc

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Reply #3746 on: February 27, 2021, 05:30:38 AM
:emot_laughing: