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Offline MintJulie

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Reply #180 on: May 07, 2020, 04:23:43 AM

If the world experiences a pandemic and you can't see your girlfriend because her parents are following the advice of authorities and staying safe at home, give her a call every couple days. Or hey, maybe even answer her calls.  And when you do finally talk to her, don't break up with her because you think her parents are too strict being worried about her health and safety, you little sh*t.

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Offline ObiDongKenobi

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Reply #181 on: May 31, 2020, 04:14:59 PM

When you visit a live sex show in Amsterdam while there on company business the doorman will tell you that the entry charge will be disguised on your company credit card bill.  Do not believe him!


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Reply #182 on: May 31, 2020, 09:09:02 PM
There was a thread on Reddit this week, about a man who lived with his fianceé for eight years. One day she started talking about an old flame of hers. And that he had been sending her “secret messages” and talking to her in her sleep. He was waiting for her in Europe, and she was leaving the man in her life to be reunited with her “true love.”

The man investigated the story, and determined that the other man was married to someone else, had not even thought about his fianceé for years, and was *not* communicating with her in any shape form or fashion. He decided that she suffers from bipolar disorder or schizophrenia, because she was “hearing voices.“

Everyone on the board was applauding his levelheadedness, and dedication to seeing his fianceé through the crisis. All I could think is, “what the fuck?“ Let’s face it, even if the woman gets on medication, she’s going to have this disability for the rest of her life, and if it is causing him this much agony during the engagement, I can only imagine what he’s going to go through while he’s married.

I only comment on this, because my son is rather attached a young woman who suffers from chronic depression and mood swings. He states that all of this is making him quite miserable, as she is a box of chocolates. He never knows what he’s going to get. I told him frankly, “run for the exits now, while you can, because if you think this is making you miserable now, wait until you’ve been married to her for 10 or 15 years.”

The bottom line is advice for my sons: don’t ever get involved in a relationship thinking you can change the other person. They are what they are. And if anything, it will only become more aggravated over time. You’ll want to save yourself for marriage to a partner that is exactly what you want and deserve. Not a project.



Offline Army of One

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Reply #183 on: June 01, 2020, 03:10:41 PM
I'm going to extend on that piece of advice, Toe, and direct this to sons and daughters alike, as I have no doubt I'm going to have to give my kid this advice one day: Your partner is not a project, you are not there to change them. And everyone has baggage of some kind, be it a coin purse (so to speak) or a whomping great, heavy chest. If you aren't able to handle the person you're with, and what they bring with them, the exit is on your left and always open. But be respectable about it, or at least as respectable as the situation allows. (Obviously abusive relationships deserve what little respect is being given to them upon exit, but that's advice for another time.)

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Offline MintJulie

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Reply #184 on: April 12, 2022, 05:21:03 AM

Be well read and well-cultered.  It won't impress all women, but it will be an in for a lot of women.

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Reply #185 on: January 10, 2023, 05:56:32 PM
Bump. Jules was looking for this.

Here is the original article that started this thread.

Dear Son,

I have so much to say, and yet a big part of me knows that you must discover your own way. Much like I did. With little guidance, other than my soul yearning to fulfill itself through an examination of what it means to be an authentic man and to live my life to its fullest. To the extent that this letter can serve to plant a few seeds in the soil of your fertile mind, then I am grateful to have the opportunity to share with you what I consider to be wisdom. Your job, of course, is to water those seeds through the many twists and turns on the amazing road ahead of you. I am so happy for you and excited for what lays ahead.

 
1. Cultivate a capacity for awareness

“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” — Victor Frankl

This quote is from Victor Frankl, author of Man’s Search for Meaning. He discovered as a prisoner in a Nazi concentration camp that the one freedom the guards could not take from him was his ability to choose his attitude regardless of circumstances. One of the most powerful capacities is the understanding of self — knowing when something is driving you, and having the presence to pause, reflect, and choose. This shift from automaticity to choice may be the most important area of growth for any young man. See #7.

 
2. Don’t worry about what others think of you

“You are never responsible for the actions of others; you are only responsible for you. When you truly understand this, and refuse to take things personally, you can hardly be hurt by the careless comments or actions of others. If you keep this agreement [to not take things personally], you can travel around the world with your heart completely open and no one can hurt you. You can say, “I love you,” without fear of being ridiculed or rejected. You can ask for what you need. You can say yes, or you can say no — whatever you choose — without guilt or self-judgment. You can choose to follow your heart always. Then you can be in the middle of hell and still experience peace and happiness. You can stay in your state of bliss, and hell will not affect you.” — Don Miguel Ruiz

This quote is from the book The Four Agreements. Read it. If you could live by only one set of rules, The Four Agreements wouldn’t be a bad choice. You may not see this yet, but your psyche has been designed for the protection and survival of your ego. That design has served you well. But it will soon reach the limits of its effectiveness. You will likely discover how exhausting it is to live life worried about what others think of you and how freeing it us to unchain yourself from the shackles of external validation. It will take time for your ego to be strong enough to meet its own demise. But I can already see an inner strength in you. Leverage that strength and summon the courage to live life free of the oppressive burden of the judgment of others.


3. Learn to listen deeply

“When a person realizes he has been deeply heard, his eyes moisten. I think in some real sense he is weeping for joy. It is as though he were saying, ‘Thank God, somebody heard me. Someone knows what it’s like to be me.’” — Carl Rogers

This quote is from one of the most accomplished psychologists of the 20th century. It speaks to the power of truly listening, a skill that requires one to surrender his or her own agenda in service of the person being listened to. It requires an inner confidence — a deep knowing that, from a place of true listening, the “right” thing to say will always emerge. To master this takes a lot of practice. The reward is immeasurable.

 
4. Be responsible for your own actions, first and always

“Instead of bothering with how the whole world may live in the right manner, we should think how we ourselves may do so. If one lives in the right manner, we shall feel that others may do the same, or we shall discover a way of persuading them to do so by example.” — Mahatma Ghandi

This quote by Ghandi is often shortened to: “Be the change you want to see in the world.” We are wired to see what is wrong in others, and seldom look within to see what is wrong with ourselves. If you slow down and pay attention, you will see how the mind is full of judgment and how quickly we want others to be a certain way. This powerful orientation will rob you of any chance to live a truly fulfilling life. You must learn first to look within and find where the judgment you so quickly apply to others actually applies to you — sometimes more so. If you are truly responsible for yourself and change within yourself what you are so desperately trying to change in other people, others will be attracted to and compelled by you. You will never have to change anyone, and will cease to want to.

 
5. Always choose to be kind

“When we say something that nourishes us and uplifts the people around us, we are feeding love and compassion. When we speak and act in a way that causes tension and anger, we are nourishing violence and suffering.” — Thich Nhat Hanh

The famous Buddhist monk, Thich Nhat Hanh, believes that any unkind word or thought can poison the world. Every moment you are confronted with the most basic of choices — to be kind or unkind. I have yet to come across a moment that would ever justify being unkind. See #2 and 4.

 
6. Honor your word

“Your life works to the degree you keep your commitments.” — Werner Erhard

Werner Erhard has been a teacher of mine. I have chosen to live by this principle. It means that you are your word — nothing more, nothing less. When you give your word, you must do so with an absolute commitment to keep it and with precision. When circumstances change such that you can no longer keep your word, you must honor your word. That means you must immediately notify the person to whom you gave your word and tell him or her that you can no longer keep it, and offer to do what it takes to clean up any mess that you have caused. This is hard. There are no shortcuts. No “maybe next time.” If you commit to doing this, though, you will be massively more effective in life.

 
7. Be present

“Don’t wait to be successful at some future point. Have a successful relationship with the present moment and be fully present in whatever you are doing. That is success.” — Eckhart Tolle

We spend almost every second of the day excited or fearful of what is next or guilty, nostalgic, or angry about what happened in the past. What a waste. A life fully lived is not measured by the quantity of the time lived, but rather by the quality of the time lived. The more time you can spend truly appreciating each present moment, the more joyful life will become. Any moment can be appreciated for there is no suffering, pain, or grief in the split second of time that is the present. Most of the world’s greatest leaders, athletes, performers, and contributors find some way to cultivate this ability to be in the present. If there were one daily practice I would invite you to explore it would be meditation — a technology that has been available and mastered for thousands of years and available to all absolutely free.

 
8. Learn to forgive

“It’s one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself, to forgive. Forgive everybody.” — Maya Angelou

This took me a long time to learn. I finally forgave my mother, though sadly it was after she had passed. I came to realize that there was no sense in holding on to grudges. Doing so robbed me of my power and it was inherently unkind. I can no longer find a reason to not forgive anyone ever again. In fact, the word forgive has lost its meaning for me in that it implies anger, hatred, or lack of love in the first place. I was 11 years old when someone attempted to assassinate Pope John Paul II. I learned soon thereafter that the Pope forgave the assailant completely. I couldn’t for the life of me understand how the Pope could do such a thing. I do now. See #5.

 
9. Be willing to be wrong

“A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of small minds.” — Ralph Waldo Emerson

Trust your judgment, have conviction, and when you learn something that causes you to change your mind, do so without reservation. There is no better way to build trust and credibility than to admit when you are wrong and be willing to change your mind. Most people spend most of their lives a slave to the need to be right. Being right is over-rated. See #2.

 
10. Read — all the time

“In my whole life, I have known no wise people (over a broad subject matter area) who didn’t read all the time — none, zero.” — Charlie Munger

Vice Chairman of one of the most successful holding companies in the world, Berkshire Hathaway, and founder of the law firm where your mother used to practice, Charlie has it right. Books are the opening to new ways of seeing the world. I learned the love of reading by reading Jack London’s Martin Eden. In that book I discovered what an autodidact is, and realized then that I would be a life-long learner. Never stop learning. Never stop reading.

 
11. Be the cause in the matter

“As long as you think that the cause of your problem is “out there” — as long as you think that anyone or anything is responsible for your suffering — the situation is hopeless. It means that you are forever in the role of victim… Placing the blame or judgment on someone else leaves you powerless to change your experience; taking responsibility for your beliefs and judgments gives you the power to change them.” — Byron Katie

Another teacher of mine, Katie captures the wisdom of an essential principle in life. Psychologists call it external vs. internal locus of control. It may be the most powerful shift you can make in your life — and the most challenging. The most challenging because we find blaming others to be incredibly seductive. It allows us to be right and make others wrong. Yet blaming others or circumstances renders us powerless to do anything to affect our own situation. The next time you feel naturally compelled to blame someone else or complain about your circumstances, ask yourself this — “What would I do if I were 100% responsible.” If you take this question seriously, and truly sit with the question, a whole world of new actions will become available to you to take — actions that would never have occurred to you from the mindset of a victim. It will literally change your life. See #4.

 
12. Live life to the fullest

“It is not death that a man should fear, but he should fear never beginning to live.” Marcus Aurelius

Meditations by Marcus Aurelius is perhaps the best book on how to live a full life. Packed full of wisdom, I chose this one quote because it captures what I believe to be the secret to life. Namely, to embrace the inevitability of death, the impermanence of our time here on Earth. And then to seize every opportunity to live and be grateful for every moment — the good ones and the not so good ones. As Marcus Aurelius wisely said, “When you arise in the morning, think of what a precious privilege it is to be alive — to breathe, to think, to enjoy, to love.”

I am full of love, gratitude, hope, joy, and pride as I think about the start of the next chapter in this amazing life of yours. Enjoy every minute of the next four years. I love you.

Dad



”You can be mad as a mad dog at the way things went.  You can swear and curse the fates.  But when it comes to the end, you have to let go.” — The Curious Case of Benjamin Button


Offline Army of One

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Reply #186 on: January 11, 2023, 02:53:23 AM
I hope you don't mind, PH, if I comment on this article a bit:

2. Don’t worry about what others think of you

I'm gonna speak from experience here: the inverse of this will cause you a lot of issue in your life. I've had people call me a lot of pretty awful things in my life, especially in the past decade and a half (on the minor end, I've been called stupid, incompetent, a liar, and others; I'm not even going to address the more major ones), and I've internalised a lot of it. It hurts, a lot, and I may be understating. It's fine to take constructive criticism of your actions into consideration, yes, but not outright negative opinions of you, especially since most of them are rooted in biases and lack of knowledge about you.

I'm glad this I got to address first, because this'll get linked back to in the others below.

4. Be responsible for your own actions, first and always

“Instead of bothering with how the whole world may live in the right manner, we should think how we ourselves may do so. If one lives in the right manner, we shall feel that others may do the same, or we shall discover a way of persuading them to do so by example.” — Mahatma Ghandi

This quote by Ghandi is often shortened to: “Be the change you want to see in the world.” We are wired to see what is wrong in others, and seldom look within to see what is wrong with ourselves. If you slow down and pay attention, you will see how the mind is full of judgment and how quickly we want others to be a certain way. This powerful orientation will rob you of any chance to live a truly fulfilling life. You must learn first to look within and find where the judgment you so quickly apply to others actually applies to you — sometimes more so. If you are truly responsible for yourself and change within yourself what you are so desperately trying to change in other people, others will be attracted to and compelled by you. You will never have to change anyone, and will cease to want to.

Always be careful to not conflate this with the inverse of number 2. You realise you're doing the wrong thing, good; you can course correct. But never take that as a negative of yourself; take it as an opportunity to see what you could do instead that'll result in a more positive outcome.
 
8. Learn to forgive

“It’s one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself, to forgive. Forgive everybody.” — Maya Angelou

This one does come with a bit of a caveat: at some point, you have to admit to yourself that forgiving some people is a fool's errand. Forgiveness always come with the expectation that they'll change (or have changed). If you keep forgiving, and they keep doing the same thing (so to speak), then you're forgiving a brick wall for being in your path.

11. Be the cause in the matter

“As long as you think that the cause of your problem is “out there” — as long as you think that anyone or anything is responsible for your suffering — the situation is hopeless. It means that you are forever in the role of victim… Placing the blame or judgment on someone else leaves you powerless to change your experience; taking responsibility for your beliefs and judgments gives you the power to change them.” — Byron Katie

This one actually needs to be the result of something called Occam's Razor: when all other possibilities have been discounted, the simplest is often the most correct. (This, of course, comes from—or at least is supposed to come from—the considered application of Hume's Guillotine: "If the cause assigned to an effect is not sufficient enough to produce it, then either add to it to create such an effect, or reject it altogether.") It's not always going to be you who is the cause of something; consider the circumstances under which it occurred, then determine where the fault lies, if any at all. (In addition, as well, taking this advice as presented can lead to the inverse of number 2 again.)

This is, by all means, not intended as a criticism of the article or its writer; indeed, a lot of what he mentions in the article is dead on. But  do feel that (with the exception of number 2), some clarification is needed before the advice is taken, instead of using it per se.
« Last Edit: January 11, 2023, 02:59:02 AM by Army of One »

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Offline Pornhubby

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Reply #187 on: January 11, 2023, 04:53:29 AM
Abraham Maslow defined one of the factors of self-actualization as “being independent of the good opinion of others.“ Once you free yourself of concern about what other people think about you, you can find your inner peace and freedom.

Always forgive. The Buddha said, “Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.”


”You can be mad as a mad dog at the way things went.  You can swear and curse the fates.  But when it comes to the end, you have to let go.” — The Curious Case of Benjamin Button


Offline MintJulie

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Reply #188 on: August 22, 2023, 02:42:31 PM
Bump. Jules was looking for this.

Here is the original article that started this thread.


Yes, all of these. 

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Offline Pornhubby

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Reply #189 on: August 22, 2023, 03:40:00 PM
My baby started his last year of college yesterday. All those “first day of school” photos will only be history now. I am so proud of him. Phi Beta Kappa, Distinguished College Scholar.  He will obtain two degrees, a BA in International Global Relations, and a BS in Government. Plans to go to law school, like his daddy.

”You can be mad as a mad dog at the way things went.  You can swear and curse the fates.  But when it comes to the end, you have to let go.” — The Curious Case of Benjamin Button


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Reply #190 on: August 22, 2023, 04:59:17 PM
You have every right to be proud. He's off to a great start in life. There has to be some parental influence there.

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Offline MintJulie

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Reply #191 on: August 24, 2023, 02:17:19 PM
Love that you are proud of him.  With a loving daddy like you supporting him, he's bound to do great things. 

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