Advice to my boys...

[Bexy]

Love your father but live as he were dead, free from his expectations.

[phtlc]

I still disagree, from personal experience I wouldn't have fallen for the man I did if he had been anything but who he is. There was no look at me I'm all that as if there had of been I wouldn't have been interested. He's friendly, intelligent and funny and if that doesn't get a girl interested then she isn't the girl for you.

I'm not the pat on the back type of person at all. Growing and feeling secure comes with the knock backs in life.

Sure, he 'is who he is', but how did he BECOME that man? Perhaps he was insecure too at some point and an older or more experienced man or woman told him 'Hey, don't drool like that, girls find it unattractive. Stand up straight'. And that helped him in looking at how his own behaviour influenced his interactions and successes.

Sure, growing comes from knocks back in life but ALSO from pro-actively learning stuff from people who are succesful in areas you want to be succesful in, right? I found books like 'Men are from Mars, women from Venus' to be helpful in understanding the differences between men and women.

As a mother I want to teach my son a few things on how to become succesful in life. Standing shyly and awkward in the corner with a nerdy haircut and being overweight is probably not going to attract the pretty/fun/smart girl he would like to land, right? Telling a guy like that 'just be yourself' isn't very helpful in my opinion.

I believe giving advice on how to become succesful in life is important. What children do with that advice is up to them of course as everyone has to learn for himself.

I have a girlfriend who is very overweight and pretty much a slob in her apartment. She complains about not being able to find a decent man. Telling her 'just be yourself' isn't very helpful. Of course, nobody really wants to tell her that she needs to go on a diet and clean her place up, but that's exactly what one of her other girlfriends did and now she's has hit the gym and is beginning to make an effort in her apartment. I think that's going to help her in attracting the man she wants. You attract what you exude and 'being yourself' is sadly often used as an excuse to not improve oneself.

And this is where I can't be assed to post any further simply as I can't put into words what I mean when I say just be yourself, without sounding like I'm rambling.

I think the advice Toe is posting will serve his sons well.

In most cases yes, but there are exceptional circumstances. With some kids they are so excluded they cannot develop the basic social skills that allow them to fit in as themselves since they have no social interaction. Bexy's "fake it until you make it" advice can be useful in certain situations. You can't learn the basic interaction skills to be comfortable in your own skin if you are constantly on the outside looking in. You need to experience being part of some semblance of a social circle to develop the skills and self confidence to be effective at "being yourself".

[phtlc]

Confidence isn't learned, it's earned, mostly through successes and lessons learned from mistakes. If an individual is not happy with the way they are then they absolutely should work towards changing themselves. Trying to change yourself to fit some mold to suit other people is not a good idea and generally will not lead to happiness.

Learning how to effectively interact and be self confidence requires practice and experience. Sometimes a person needs to just fit in to be able to have the social experience and learn from it and perhaps grow.

[phtlc]

Certainly telling a young man (or woman) that they need to act a particular way in order to be attractive will do nothing for their confidence, especially if they are somewhat insecure to begin with.

It depends on how you do it. If the person believes you care enough to try to help them, then it indicates that you believe in them and want to help them improve.

[Katiebee]

Good enough depends upon your standards. My good enough may equate to excellent by someone else's standards, and my excellent may equate to God-like.

Or OCD.

[ObiDongKenobi]

Measure twice, cut once.   

And always, always save the off-cuts - they will come in handy one day.  You mark my words.

[ObiDongKenobi]

Introduce yourself by name, firm handshake, eye contact, and a smile.  No limp noodle or sweaty grips.  No bone crushing vises either...

I should have thought of this one.   As far back Ed has I can remember, whenever my dad would shake hands with a limp wrist or noodle arm, he would always say, "That guy shakes hands like a pussy."   

Women are a tougher read.  If she extends hand palm open and fingers extended, give her the man shake.  If she extends hand palm turned downward, and fingers curled downward, just grasp her fingers *gently* and pump once or twice.

If a lady extends her hand palm downwards with fingers curled downwards shouldn't a gentleman gently grasp her fingers and kiss the back of her hand?

[Bexy]

What you describe here is not telling a person how they need to act to be attractive.

Then what are the things you think women find attractive in a man?

Feeling good in ones own skin and oozing confidence are traits that are generally considered as attractive by women in men.

[Well Behaved Lady]

Warm feet are appreciated.

[Katiebee]

So are foot rubs.

[Well Behaved Lady]

Don't be afraid to ask about menstruation.

It's different for all women

It's not a taboo subject

Don't post a selfie holding a tampon on social media

[Bexy]

Don't be afraid to ask about menstruation.

It's different for all women

It's not a taboo subject

Don't post a selfie holding a tampon on social media

If asked to go to the market to buy tampons for your lady, write down her preferred brand, type, and size, so you won't need to have that conversation again.  Don't be embarrassed at the register (they know you are not buying them for yourself).

And if you just don't feel like buying them, that's ok too, provided that she as well can say no to certain things you ask her to buy for you.

[brody]

Don't be afraid to ask about menstruation.

It's different for all women

It's not a taboo subject

Don't post a selfie holding a tampon on social media

If asked to go to the market to buy tampons for your lady, write down her preferred brand, type, and size, so you won't need to have that conversation again.  Don't be embarrassed at the register (they know you are not buying them for yourself).

And if you just don't feel like buying them, that's ok too, provided that she as well can say no to certain things you ask her to buy for you.

Frankly, it's confusing as shit.

Toe, shit is less confusing..... The grocery store aisle with TP is FAR LESS confusing than the Feminine Hygiene aisle!

[Well Behaved Lady]

We have a knack of talking about ten different things at once, so keep up!

[Bexy]

Frankly, it's confusing as shit.

LOL, I have the same feeling when my husband sends me to the store to buy him a new compass for his job and the vendor asks me what features he needs on the compass.

Vendor: "Does it need to be able to identify an azimut?"

Me: "A what?"

[Katiebee]

It should if he shoots polar coordinates

[Elizabeth]

It should if he shoots polar coordinates

LOL....are you talking about a sextant for navigating?
or a transit for building? Two very different things with two very different job functions.
 
Love,
Liz

[Katiebee]

No, Liz. Compasses can shoot azimuth as well. Polar coordinates are a sighting to a known physical line, like a road or river. Or intersection.  The back azimuth can then be used as a known line on a map, and a second sighting to another landmark will provide an intersection thing your position and thus giving you distance to any known map position.

Or you can set an azimuth on the compass dial and while keeping your north under the aImuth line allows you to navigate along the determined azimuth.

[Well Behaved Lady]

Don't always listen to your Dad 

[GEMINIGUY]

Damn, Katie, you are so smart! Guys, if you want to give advice to your boys, send them to Katie!