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Worst lines to use in a story........

MintJulie · 7286

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Offline Elizabeth

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Reply #20 on: March 11, 2016, 11:24:14 PM
"ALWAYS"............
 :D

Love,
Liz



Offline Army of One

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Reply #21 on: March 12, 2016, 03:59:24 AM
How about, "permanently stretched"? Biological (I'm)possibility aside, it seems to make the man/men in the story rather large in comparison to their partners' hole.

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Offline MintJulie

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Reply #22 on: March 12, 2016, 05:47:35 AM
How about, "permanently stretched"? Biological (I'm)possibility aside, it seems to make the man/men in the story rather large in comparison to their partners' hole.

Yes, that's a very good one, Army of One.

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Offline Elizabeth

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Reply #23 on: March 12, 2016, 07:18:26 PM
LOL....I like reading how all "the guys are hung like horses"....
Sometimes erotic stories are just funny (more than they are erotic) and bad erotic stories are just hilarious. But back to the "Hung Like Horses", I have it on good authority that guys are "NOT" hung like horses. My own horses have repeatedly fallen over laughing when they hear that line.
(Mental Note)....Stop reading porn to my horses, they are way to critical of the stories.
 :D
Love,
Liz
   



Offline phtlc

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Reply #24 on: March 12, 2016, 11:30:08 PM
"ALWAYS"............
 :D

Love,
Liz



I knew it  ;D

While you're waiting in vain for that apology, why don't you make yourself useful by getting on your knees and opening your mouth


Dav3e

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Reply #25 on: April 23, 2016, 12:01:24 PM
(Mental Note)....Stop reading porn to my horses, they are way to critical of the stories.
 :D
Love,
Liz
   
Why? Why does the thought of Liz reading porn aloud to horses kinda turn me on?! :emot_laughing:



Offline Elizabeth

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Reply #26 on: April 23, 2016, 03:19:15 PM
(Mental Note)....Stop reading porn to my horses, they are way to critical of the stories.
 :D
Love,
Liz
  
Why? Why does the thought of Liz reading porn aloud to horses kinda turn me on?! :emot_laughing:

LOL...."Pervert"..!!!!
 :D

Love,
Liz



Offline Katiebee

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Reply #27 on: September 25, 2016, 07:47:43 AM
Mixing voice, perspective, and tense really kills the mood in a story.

First person and third person are the most common perspectives. Keep you voice active and don't mix present and past tense.

It's a story, let the characters speak, interact, and do things. Don't use passive voice.

Read Hemmingway and learn why he was a good story teller.

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Offline Elizabeth

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Reply #28 on: September 25, 2016, 06:10:28 PM
Hemingway was not only a good writer he was a great writer....!!!!
It's just to bad he had to commit suicide.

Love,
Liz
 



KitKat

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Reply #29 on: October 02, 2016, 10:02:31 PM
This thread made me  :emot_laughing: thank you for that. I am guilty of using a few of these. I guess it's just immature writing skills. Oh well, live and learn.



Offline Fish

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Reply #30 on: December 30, 2016, 05:51:52 PM
Okay...

Language is best used in variations, ergo what happens in one scene, and how the narrator describes it (or the first-person voice, for those who use that style) should change.

An example: one orgasm may make a person shout (especially if it is a first orgasm), but if every character is like... "AAAAAAAH! AAAAAAAAH!" then it gets repetitive and lame. The occasional screaming orgasm is okay, but just like in real life, most of us do not scream every time.

Another example: Don't use the same adjectives to describe everything - not everything that has cum on it is 'glistening'. And don't even use words like 'tits' every time - some alternatives include breasts, boobs, ta-tas... and not every character uses the same word to describe things - one girl may refer to her breasts as boobs, and another might be inclined to call them tits, and yet another (perhaps shy/inexperienced) girl might think of them as breasts. Only immature men and drunken women would be likely to use 'ta-tas'.

And my final rant: don't use your slang/speech patterns for every character. Young girls are FAR more likely to overuse the 'um...' than a confident man - so let them speak differently. Another pet-peeve in erotica is when the writer doesn't reflect the accurate age of the person represented: a fourteen year-old girl was born after 9/11/2001. Having that character speak in old-fashioned terms is stupid: "Golly, I just think those new records are just the bees knees, daddy-o. Let's skee-daddle over to the soda fountain and doo-wop all night, dig?"

 :emot_laughing:

That being said, who am I to tell others how to write? Sure, I have degree in English, but that does not an expert make. There exists such a thing as a learning curve.

One thing that doesn't bother me at all is the occasional spelling error, as long as I can tell what the author meant. I've read 'anchor' spelled 'anker' and it didn't throw me, so I didn't care. I've read 'stare' written as 'stair', and again, it didn't bug me at all.

Don't sweat the petty stuff, pet the sweaty stuff.


Offline Army of One

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Reply #31 on: January 15, 2017, 05:34:12 AM
You're right to complain, Fish. That's kind of the point of this thread. And your points on voice are an especially good point, as it's one of the subtle shorthands for a character and their attributes: what they say, how they say it, the context, et cetera. If everyone spoke in the exact same way, it reads like an echo chamber of immutable clones.

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Offline Fish

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Reply #32 on: January 15, 2017, 05:43:05 PM
You're right to complain, Fish. That's kind of the point of this thread. And your points on voice are an especially good point, as it's one of the subtle shorthands for a character and their attributes: what they say, how they say it, the context, et cetera. If everyone spoke in the exact same way, it reads like an echo chamber of immutable clones.

And it's just as much of a sin to have thirty or forty stories with the same four or five voices repeated over and over again...

What makes this new character in this new story different from your last fifty or sixty characters?

To create memorable characters I use character traits - this girl stutters when she gets nervous - this character stands way too close to create an awkward moment and establish dominance - this character can't stop looking at girls' chests... and so on. If every adult character uses the same slang and mannerisms, then your tenth story is merely a change in setting from your third story.

The longer a story gets (or the more extensive the writer's collection) the harder this gets. I aim to be more memorable than prolific. Maybe I miss the mark, but that is my aim.

Don't sweat the petty stuff, pet the sweaty stuff.


Offline Jbird4

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Reply #33 on: June 02, 2017, 05:19:16 PM
Many of the same things get me.   But what totally kills a good idea for me is unrealistic sequences of sexual events.   Many times I read and the premise is exciting, but then I read the story and some guy pulls out his "monster cock" so logically the young girl immediately strips, masturbates and puts his "monster cock" into her mouth and gives an expert BJ. 

I understand getting swept up but so many times the reaction of people is completely unrealistic and this ruins a premise for me. 

I am also put off by the need for every boob to be enormous and every cock to be an "average" 9".   Grammar and tense and such also makes me a little crazy too as it does most of you. 



Offline HppyHrryHrdn

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Reply #34 on: June 05, 2017, 04:41:21 AM
"Quivering mound" always rubbed me the wrong way. Is it adjustable speed or does her clitoris need a tiny hat and scarf due to chill?


I think i may be guilty of this one and many others listed in this thread.  But hey we do are best.  And it would be nice if items in a story rub you the wrong way (Up and down instead of side to side) it would be great to hear about them more often, so we don't become repeat offenders.

Well now it is time to  "Let {me} get back to Reginald's quivering member."

I like the idea that a voice can just go somewhere, uninvited, and just kinda hang out like a dirty thought in a nice clean mind. Maybe a thought is like a virus,  it can kill all the healthy thoughts

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Reply #35 on: June 05, 2017, 05:12:22 AM

The longer a story gets (or the more extensive the writer's collection) the harder this gets.

Ah, there we go. That is my single biggest problem, I feel like. Basically, that I've done all the easy stuff. I have to think really hard now to come up with something interesting and new. And having a major writer's block ATM doesn't help.

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Pervertedneighbor

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Reply #36 on: July 29, 2017, 05:53:37 AM
to... too... two...

to, as in to do something...  to, as in too much or too far... two as in one, two, three...

three different words.

Knowing how to spell is another good idea. 

just sayin'.



KitKat

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Reply #37 on: July 29, 2017, 06:25:09 AM
Uh oh, spellin' palice.  :emot_laughing:



Offline MintJulie

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Reply #38 on: May 10, 2018, 03:03:20 PM

When a girl undresses to put on her pj's or bathing suit and there happens to be a full length mirror in the room "...she looked in the mirror and admired her c-cup breasts, her pointy nipples, her 2 inch diameter aureoles, her full bush..."

In reality, usually when we're naked and looking in a full length mirror examining our body, it's to see if our ass has gotten any wider or we're putting on weight at the waist or hips.


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Reply #39 on: May 10, 2018, 03:54:36 PM
I love writing bad writers.  In fact, one of the kicks I get out of writing a narrative from an undergage character's perspective is really bad diction, it's fun!  I read a couple articles from Creative Writing Teachers showing their student's funniest submissions, and I use them.

"Like a bad simile."

I write mostly for me.  I love it when someone else gets something out of it, but it entertains me.