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Author Topic: Emotional commitment in a Bi relationship  (Read 1685 times)
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MissBarbara
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« Reply #15 on: October 24, 2017, 02:50:13 AM »


Umm... this particular man likes friendship and sexy stuff (though I don't get enough of the latter IRL... Sad )

I guess you've just had poor luck in men..?


Have I really had so???

Or could it be just because that naturally women can live by themselves forever without any need or expectation from men, where men always demand something from women and this really causes pain and give real harm to the relation in the long term???

Or two females who has no expectation other than true friendship, trust and emotions compared to men with unsatisfied needs???

Please do not take it as an offend.

I am also married and I have friends on KB here. But this is what I have witnessed and felt through all these years in my life... 

Could these be just the small part of the major differences between the kind of relations and expectations???

What do you think?


I, for one, take absolutely no offense at what you've written here. I salute your courage to share your thoughts and feelings with us.

This is a very tricky topic, since there's many confusing terms being used throughout this thread. Starting with "relationship." There's partner relationships, romantic relationships, sexual relationships, and intimate friend relationships. And they're all different things, and yet, several can exist at the same time.

You write, "Men always demand something from women and this really causes pain and give real harm to the relation in the long term." I'm not sure what you mean. I can't speak from personal experience, but I'm sure that women put equal demands on men in a relationship, and perhaps even more so. Not, in the overwhelming majority of cases, sexual demands -- is THAT what you're speaking about? -- as IdleBoast's post almost accidentally makes clear. 

It makes perfect sense to me that very often two women can form a closer, more personal, and more intimate friendship -- in the traditional meaning of the word "friendship" -- than a woman and a man can. But that's simply because men and women are so different. In other words, are you regretting the fact that you haven't been able to established the same sort of intense friendships with men that you have with other women?



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« Reply #16 on: October 24, 2017, 08:43:50 AM »


Umm... this particular man likes friendship and sexy stuff (though I don't get enough of the latter IRL... Sad )

I guess you've just had poor luck in men..?


Have I really had so???

Or could it be just because that naturally women can live by themselves forever without any need or expectation from men, where men always demand something from women and this really causes pain and give real harm to the relation in the long term???

Or two females who has no expectation other than true friendship, trust and emotions compared to men with unsatisfied needs???

Please do not take it as an offend.

I am also married and I have friends on KB here. But this is what I have witnessed and felt through all these years in my life...  

Could these be just the small part of the major differences between the kind of relations and expectations???

What do you think?


I, for one, take absolutely no offense at what you've written here. I salute your courage to share your thoughts and feelings with us.

This is a very tricky topic, since there's many confusing terms being used throughout this thread. Starting with "relationship." There's partner relationships, romantic relationships, sexual relationships, and intimate friend relationships. And they're all different things, and yet, several can exist at the same time.

You write, "Men always demand something from women and this really causes pain and give real harm to the relation in the long term." I'm not sure what you mean. I can't speak from personal experience, but I'm sure that women put equal demands on men in a relationship, and perhaps even more so. Not, in the overwhelming majority of cases, sexual demands -- is THAT what you're speaking about? -- as IdleBoast's post almost accidentally makes clear.  

It makes perfect sense to me that very often two women can form a closer, more personal, and more intimate friendship -- in the traditional meaning of the word "friendship" -- than a woman and a man can. But that's simply because men and women are so different. In other words, are you regretting the fact that you haven't been able to established the same sort of intense friendships with men that you have with other women?


Thank you Barbara.
I agree with you. Please let me clarify some of the terms...
My intention here was more than friendship, in both man and woman relations, which I had walked through. I fully agree with you about the difference, which is probably just because how mature nature has created us.
I was trying to say that, after all the straight and bi-relations I had, I see that, I had managed to keep my friendship with only women. Maybe it is more clear now.
I really wonder, if it is just a coincidence or the same for many others...
  
« Last Edit: October 24, 2017, 07:45:48 PM by suemcgregor27 » Logged
MissBarbara
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« Reply #17 on: October 24, 2017, 05:12:16 PM »


Thank you Barbara.

I agree with you please let me clarify some of the terms...

My intention here was more than friendship, in both men and women relations, which I had walked through. I fully agree with about the difference probably just because of how mature nature has created us.

I was trying to say that, after all the straight and bi-relations I had, I see that, I had managed to keep close friend with only women. Maybe it is more clear now. I really wonder if it is just a coincidence or the same for many others...
   

If I'm reading you correctly, I think a good question would be how many women have succeeded in maintaining close personal friendships with their exes (ex-spouse, ex-boyfriend, ex-lover, etc.)? I'd suspect the percentage is pretty low, and I think the reasons for this are fairly obvious.

But scroll back to the question posed in the O.P., which I think is both very legitimate and very revealing. It limns a difference between physical and emotional attachments, and the different ways bisexual women -- and, by extension, all women and men, regardless of sexual orientation -- seek and/or are comfortable with physical vs. emotional attachments (and that's assuming there's a "vs.").





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« Reply #18 on: October 29, 2017, 06:07:48 AM »

The thread started with something from a TV show, so here is something I remember from one of those shows about "alternative sexuality" (that sounds better than that ever-lengthening acronym with no vowels doesn't it?)  One segment featured two bi women and a straight man who seemed to have a stable 3-way relationship with each other.  I would imagine it would be difficult to find suitable partners and even harder to maintain such a relationship, but I would also think that it would be an ideal situation for people who are really in the middle of the gay-straight continuum if they could actually pull it off.



 
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« Reply #19 on: October 29, 2017, 04:23:08 PM »

The thread started with something from a TV show, so here is something I remember from one of those shows about "alternative sexuality" (that sounds better than that ever-lengthening acronym with no vowels doesn't it?)...


Another example of why straights should not post in the LGBTQ Talk threads.   facepalm facepalm facepalm
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« Reply #20 on: October 29, 2017, 06:38:43 PM »

Only suggesting that a more pronounceable term for anyone who is not a cisgendered heterosexual might be a good thing.  Didn't mean to offend anyone.
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MissBarbara
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« Reply #21 on: October 30, 2017, 07:36:29 PM »


Only suggesting that a more pronounceable term for anyone who is not a cisgendered heterosexual might be a good thing.  Didn't mean to offend anyone.


I agree with you.

I hate labels, and I find the ever-expanding list of initials to be, frankly, silly. I often go with LGBTW, with the "W" standing for "Whatever."

Then there's the massive confusion about gender vs. sexual orientation...



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« Reply #22 on: October 31, 2017, 12:32:54 AM »

I tend to say "non-binary" in the real world, and nobody has objected to it (yet).

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MissBarbara
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« Reply #23 on: October 31, 2017, 02:58:06 PM »


I tend to say "non-binary" in the real world, and nobody has objected to it (yet).


I've no objection to that.

I often use the phrase "non-heterosexual" in lieu of LGBTetc., which, while making a point, is still a bit inaccurate.




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« Reply #24 on: October 31, 2017, 03:52:48 PM »


I tend to say "non-binary" in the real world, and nobody has objected to it (yet).


I've no objection to that.

I often use the phrase "non-heterosexual" in lieu of LGBTetc., which, while making a point, is still a bit inaccurate.



I think any label you want is fine, or no label at all.  I'm just "me" which defies explanation or labels.  And it's likely to change, so don't think you have me pinned down.
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« Reply #25 on: September 10, 2019, 10:37:26 PM »

As a bi male I have, personally been able to form emotional relationships with both men and women but have always found a stronger emotional draw to women then men. Personally I think it comes from a lack of trust in other men. I grew up in Zimbabwe which has the death penalty for homosexual behaviour. There is also a strong homophobic culture and religious bias.
Add an extremely homophobic family to the mix, plus my first boyfriend not keeping his mouth shut and I guess old habits became a lifelong block.

On anti Bi feelings in LGBTQ communities I can only say that when I first arrived here in the UK I was overjoyed to finally be able to meet other gay people. Honestly, they treated me no differently then the strait community did. I was told I was really gay but too afraid to commit, or straight and just trying to be interesting.... My experiences left me feeling it's actually the LG community with the BTQ off to the side.

As far as labels go.... I actively embraced the label. I had hidden myself for so long that the label actually made me feel accepted, at least for a while.

P.S   my first post here in a long time, just recently returned after a looking absence, nice to be back
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« Reply #26 on: September 10, 2019, 11:27:53 PM »

P.S   my first post here in a long time, just recently returned after a looking absence, nice to be back

Great post, too.

There's also a little bit of the Bechdel Test, specifically when it comes to gay women's distrust of bisexual women.  (Not to mention straight men's distrust of gay, and bisexual men.)

Like a conversation, they're worried about a dick being inserted into their relationship, but it's not usually a problem.  It's an insecurity, and another form of Biphobia.

Bisexual people are just like Hetero, and Homosexual people.  We can be monogamous, celibate, or cheat on our partners.  We're just theoretically more likely to cheat with Either of the (Most common) genders, but it's still cheating.  If you have a monogamous partner, the gender of the person you're cheating with doesn't make it any more, or less cheating.

We are no more likely to cheat, nor remain faithful than hetero, or homosexual partners.
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MissBarbara
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« Reply #27 on: September 11, 2019, 12:40:33 AM »


On anti Bi feelings in LGBTQ communities I can only say that when I first arrived here in the UK I was overjoyed to finally be able to meet other gay people. Honestly, they treated me no differently then the strait community did. I was told I was really gay but too afraid to commit, or straight and just trying to be interesting.... My experiences left me feeling it's actually the LG community with the BTQ off to the side.


That's a great point, and it's something of a "dirty secret." As I mentioned above, there's a degree of mistrust of bisexuals among lesbians and gay men. It's not a major rift, but it's certainly an undercurrent, and I've noted it real life more than a few times.

I'm almost the point -- not quite there yet, but almost -- where I think it's time to retire the whole LGBTQ+ trope. This Balkanization has been going on since the dawn of the gay rights movement in the late 1960s, and it tends to separate more than unite.

Thanks for posting!




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« Reply #28 on: September 11, 2019, 12:59:15 AM »

My experiences left me feeling it's actually the LG community with the BTQ off to the side.

I got that a lot too, pretty much since I got in the Pride community.  (I also found a Bisexual munch before any other group, but it was in Raleigh.)

When I was Asexual, they hadn't even added the A on the end.  (Some people still don't include that, or stopped, when straight people thought it stood for "Allies.")  When I came out as transgender, I was called a "Wannabe Lesbian" by lesbians.  Despite the fact that I identified as Bisexual.

The whole point of the RAINBOW, and LGBT...  Extended family was Inclusion, and Diversity, but apparently that's easier said than done.

One of the main problems with Biphobia is EVERYONE does it, even other Bisexuals.  
« Last Edit: September 11, 2019, 01:02:34 AM by psiberzerker » Logged

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