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wife has no sexual desire

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Offline Bone Daddy

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Reply #40 on: May 28, 2021, 02:03:51 PM
Glad I'm not alone in thinking about it this way. Thank you both!



Offline seeker83

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Reply #41 on: July 30, 2021, 07:40:11 PM
Here is my experience with no sexual desire in marriage.  Keep in mind, I am recently divorced (March 2021).

1. Any sexual trauma, guilt, or shame immediately plays a huge part in sexual openness or a lack thereof.  My ex did have sexual trauma in young her life, as did I.  We both also felt guilt and shame around sexual desire, urges, etc.
2. My religion (Catholicism) was my only source of individual identity.  Meanwhile I was a hypocrite outside of church.  I wanted to LOOK and FEEL like the "perfect" Catholic, despite being obsessed with porn when I was younger and struggling with it all of my life.  The Church re-enforced my feelings of unworthiness and shame around sex but also gave me guidelines and rules to obsess over and enforce within my home.  My ex would have been a lot more sexually free had I not felt that her actions were a threat to my faith and my personal salvation.  Truthfully, I would have felt a lot better too.
3. Despite all the hang-ups about sex, I wanted it and saw it as a form of self-validation, which it isn't.  I also wanted to "be good" at sex so I tried to find the most "ideal" way for my ex to reach orgasm so that I could profess that I "pleased" her.  Whenever she wanted to try something new and I messed up at it or hurt her, I would get defensive and frustrated instead of being open to learning.  Does not sound like a good sexual experience, does it?  If anything it made sex robotic, same thing, every time.

I would also bring up my desire for more sex constantly, to the point of it being nagging and then some.  My ex later told me that she would take long walks in part because she was afraid I would bring it up again.
------

So what is my point here? 

My first point is that yes, there can be a difference in libido between partners and there does need to be conversation around it.

The more important point is to also honestly look at yourself as well.  I couldn't see what an overbearing jerk I was until it was too late to salvage things.  I couldn't see how my own defenses and traumas made for an environment in which sex, for her, (and if I'm honest, for me too) was more of a chore than a joy.

I've been in therapy for almost a year now and have done many things to work through my insecurities and traumas.  This included dropping my religion, starting to view masturbation and porn as being OK, and moving past guilt and shame.  I still deal with them even today, and it isn't easy.

I'm not saying that anyone else's story is the same as mine here.  What I am saying is, make sure that before playing the sexual dryness or disinterest card against your significant other, be sure to honestly look at yourself and your own actions as well.  They can be a contributing factor.
 



Offline staci

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Reply #42 on: July 30, 2021, 11:21:49 PM
Put into terms that make sense.

There are two sides to every coin.

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Offline SloppySeconds

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Reply #43 on: December 31, 2021, 08:20:30 AM
Perhaps, your wife is using her lack of sexual desire as a weapon.   Some women enjoy the power.   My wife used this years ago.  I got her drunk, tired her up and had my way with her every way imaginable.   Thereafter, she stopped playing her stupid control game.



Offline DurtyBayouBoy

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Reply #44 on: January 05, 2022, 09:42:57 AM
This is a good thread, and I am happy I found it.  I am here for basically the same reason, a sexless marriage.  My wife had a total hysterectomy at age 30, due to severe problems with endometriosis.  Instant menopause, and it wasn't pretty.  Our sex life went straight down the tubes from there.  The man made hormones never worked right for her.   I stayed in the marriage because, well we had kids.  We did manage to get them raised and married and we enjoy being grandparents.  Now, at age 66, it is really too late to divorce and move on with my life, although I do think about it a lot.  I still have a strong sex drive, and a desire to feel a warm, and willing women next to me.  So my recourse is to do what others here do, sneak around the internet, watch porn, and take matters into my own hands.  :o  It is also how I found this site.



Offline Wildcat666

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Reply #45 on: January 05, 2022, 01:00:27 PM
Love this thread. The good tone, helpfulness and the way a few brainless, macho comments have been ignored is heartwarming.

Warning! I have overdone it again so if you are not into a short story made long, you better skip this one. :emot_posteroops:

I have tried and failed myself on this and I have a few thoughts.

Looking inwards I have found that I had at least 50% of the responsibility when the sex life got old. Some things cannot be repaired, but not all courses are lost. So, take a good look at yourself, and ask if you have done everything possible to save your sex-life.

I was successful with one strategy, but that was on an earlier stage. My wife had declined sex for over a month, using different excuses, and having a very high sex drive, I was going nuts.

Looking back, I could see that we had jumped more and more of the preliminary steps, going straight to the hard-core part, taking the fun and excitement out of sex. So. I thought up an evil plan.

She looked tired. “A hard” day at work” she said.

“Why don’t I give you a massage?” I suggested.

I could see that she was afraid I wanted sex and quickly stopped her, “No sex, just a massage to make you relax.”

She agreed, a little reluctantly, and I massaged her back and front, all over, including her toes and scalp. Only her breasts and pussy were left untouched.
I could clearly smell that this had not only relaxed her, but having finished I just kissed her tenderly, saying good night.

This was repeated later that week.

The following week, another repetition, only this time she asked if I could massage her again, and when I, for the umpteenth time, came very close to her pussy without touching it, she simply moved my hand to it.

Fine with me. Holding her, kissing her I took her to an orgasm with my fingers before saying good night.

A couple of nights after, same build up, only this time she pushed my head to breasts as well. So, I made love to her beautiful breasts with my fingers and mouth while fingering her to her orgasm, but still without trying to move further. I just held her, giving her a few kisses.

“Don´t you want intercourse anymore?” she later asked.

“Sure” I answered. “Just don’t want to push you. Let me know when you are ready and don´t be afraid to initiate, if you feel frisky.”

There was a long silence and then we started talking about our feelings and desires. Even a few secrets were disclosed.

What I am trying to say is that your wife is not killing your sex life, you both are. If your “together life” suffers, then your sex-life will be the first victim. Take a walk, buy flowers unexpected, take a long weekend somewhere. Go to a concert or a movie. Anything counts and don´t expect wonders from the start. And don’t give up until you are sure you have tried everything. Feeling sorry for yourself will take you nowhere fast.. Still seeking help and advice proves that you care.

« Last Edit: January 08, 2022, 09:34:12 PM by Wildcat666 »



Offline ShyBoy

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Reply #46 on: June 03, 2023, 04:22:59 PM
 My situation is much the same.  My wife has several illnesses that caused her to lose her desire for sex.  We have been married for 54yrs I am 76 and she is 72 it has been a wonderful life with her.  She is a very caring and loving person I do no know what I would do without her.  It seems a I get older my desire for sex has increased and her desire has decreased.  It seems the older I get the hornier I get.  I love my wife very much and I know she would be very hurt if she knew I was on this site.  I love this site and it helps me get through the times when I need to masturbate.  It seems to relieve my sexual urges and makes me feel good and happy.  I do not feel sorry for myself and am happy I just spend a lot of time here in my man cave on this site and my hobbies.  I am sure as I continue to get older my urges will probably decrease but everything still  good.
« Last Edit: June 04, 2023, 02:17:10 PM by ShyBoy »

Old man here for pleasure.


Offline Groany

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Reply #47 on: June 09, 2023, 07:13:08 PM
I'm having the same problem, only it's opposite. I'm the horny one and my partner hasn't touched me in ages.

Of course it's not the same for all women, but as for me... I don't want to initiate sex/making love all the time. I can't remember the last time he did. It gets disheartening. I'm thinking I should hit the gym, if only to make myself feel better.

The only thrill I get recently is answering the door with no bra on under my dress.  :facepalm:  :roll:



Offline msslave

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Reply #48 on: June 09, 2023, 07:25:45 PM
I have a feeling I'd love to knock on your door. You're going to be a fun member here. :emot_kiss:

Well trained and been made compliant....by my cat Neville


Offline ObiDongKenobi

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Reply #49 on: June 09, 2023, 09:56:11 PM
I have a feeling I'd love to knock on your door. You're going to be a fun member here. :emot_kiss:

I think I have a head start on you there, MS.  ;D


Princess, would you like to see it light up and hum when I wave it about


Offline Groany

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Reply #50 on: June 09, 2023, 11:35:05 PM
Haha! Well, you are both welcome! If you're ever near the Fylde coast... ;)



Offline ObiDongKenobi

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Reply #51 on: June 10, 2023, 07:11:23 PM
Haha! Well, you are both welcome! If you're ever near the Fylde coast... ;)

I used to frequent that area regularly when I was working.


Princess, would you like to see it light up and hum when I wave it about


Offline ObiDongKenobi

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Reply #52 on: June 10, 2023, 07:15:03 PM
I'm having the same problem, only it's opposite. I'm the horny one and my partner hasn't touched me in ages.

Of course it's not the same for all women, but as for me... I don't want to initiate sex/making love all the time. I can't remember the last time he did. It gets disheartening. I'm thinking I should hit the gym, if only to make myself feel better.

The only thrill I get recently is answering the door with no bra on under my dress.  :facepalm:  :roll:

Can you persuade him to join KB.  Most of Shiela's posts are more effective than the little blue pill  ;D

Princess, would you like to see it light up and hum when I wave it about


Offline wesix55089

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Reply #53 on: July 08, 2023, 12:20:16 PM
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Offline staci

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Reply #54 on: July 08, 2023, 03:56:16 PM
I can't count how many times I've seen this.

Are you affectionate?
Do you help out around the house?
Do rush into sex?
Do you bathe often?
Brush your teeth, mouthwash?
Are you messy?
sweat a lot?

Love and sex  is a two way thingy.

one of the originals