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Author Topic: Reviews please?  (Read 132 times)
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Big Papa Usagi
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« on: March 31, 2019, 11:07:03 AM »

Sorry if this is the wrong place, but would it be ok to ask if someone could read my stories so far and tell me what they think about them and if there's anything I should try and focus on to improve? Thank you!
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ToeinH2O
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« Reply #1 on: March 31, 2019, 05:32:36 PM »

http://www.kristensboard.com/forums/index.php?topic=10086.0

http://www.kristensboard.com/forums/index.php?topic=48379.0
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psiberzerker
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« Reply #2 on: March 31, 2019, 05:56:35 PM »

I of course love that you've added Futanari to the mix, since I have a personal connection to that Identity.  I don't know what else to say, they're different?  I like different, I get kind of bored, and jaded reading essentially the same story, and action over, and over with little changed besides the names, and the background.  None of which really matters beyond being mentioned in passing, early on.  

I would like to see more characterization, I.E. Personality beyond being Futanari.  What each of them like to do outside of sex, hope for the future, real life goals to flesh them out as something more than their (Albeit unique fantasy) gender.  If you want advice, going forward.  Who are they, as people, besides Futanari?  Do they have favorite subjects in school?  What games do they like to play?  These are things they can work into further sex scenes to spice it up.  Roleplaying, IDK firemen, cops and robbers, or what have you.  Playing hide, and seek to find a private place to play, while the other kids wait patiently for whoever's "It" to find them, while he or she "Tags" the Futanara in their hiding place...

That sort of thing.  Once the sexual action gets rote, you can expand out to more interesting settings, which are involved in the sexual action, so it's different from a bed, or back seat.  Different games, besides hide the penis, and professional dialog playing "Doctor," or putting one on trial in a courtroom as "Lawyers," and the "Judge..."
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Big Papa Usagi
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« Reply #3 on: April 03, 2019, 10:27:33 AM »

I of course love that you've added Futanari to the mix, since I have a personal connection to that Identity.  I don't know what else to say, they're different?  I like different, I get kind of bored, and jaded reading essentially the same story, and action over, and over with little changed besides the names, and the background.  None of which really matters beyond being mentioned in passing, early on.  

Thanks, different is definitely something I try and aim for. Just as long as it's good different.

Quote
I would like to see more characterization, I.E. Personality beyond being Futanari.  What each of them like to do outside of sex, hope for the future, real life goals to flesh them out as something more than their (Albeit unique fantasy) gender.  If you want advice, going forward.  Who are they, as people, besides Futanari?  Do they have favorite subjects in school?  What games do they like to play?  These are things they can work into further sex scenes to spice it up.  Roleplaying, IDK firemen, cops and robbers, or what have you.  Playing hide, and seek to find a private place to play, while the other kids wait patiently for whoever's "It" to find them, while he or she "Tags" the Futanara in their hiding place...

That sort of thing.  Once the sexual action gets rote, you can expand out to more interesting settings, which are involved in the sexual action, so it's different from a bed, or back seat.  Different games, besides hide the penis, and professional dialog playing "Doctor," or putting one on trial in a courtroom as "Lawyers," and the "Judge..."

I get that. Trying to figure out natural characterization is a weakness of mine I think, although I have some plans to include more of it in later chapters. I think I've found it harder in these early chapters (talking about Journey to that Special Place) since I'm kinda going for a youthful, falling in love fast kind of thing, where a lot of feelings happen really quickly without necessarily getting to know the other person that well at first. On the other hand in On Sister I'm about to do more to show some of their family life and such. Like chapter after next I think. I don't know, it's definitely something I know I need to work on, just trying to figure out how to add it in and keep the flow going, if that makes sense.

Thank you for taking the time to review my stories! I really appreciate it, and let me know if you think of anything else you think could help!
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Sweetums
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« Reply #4 on: January 20, 2020, 08:08:05 AM »

Hi Everybody,

I'd also like to get some feedback on my first story, pretty please. Writing porn is harder than it would seem! I'm sure there are places where I'm droning on about something meaningless or being vague about xyz while people are dying to read more about xyz. So all that stuff. And by xyz I mean cunt. And by something meaningless I mean Goethe.
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