What was sex-ed like for you?

[Jed_]

I’ve heard this too, sexual expectations of males being based on watching too much porn.  A girl I knew from India said it was particularly bad there; our Indian Babe confirmed.

[watcher1]

I heard on a radio show recently that younger males are spending so much time looking at and reading porn, by 25 some things just are not stimulating enough for them to get erect. They're having a hard time getting turned on.   

Will try and find it in print.

I can believe that. Nothing left to their imagination to get turned on to when everything is on video. It also can lead to unpleasant situations with their girlfriends if the guys want to try things they see on porn vids and the girls don't.

[Shiela_M]

I'm also reading that it gives these boys a body image problem.  Big fake boobs, and tiny waists.  So normal women with normal proportions don't excite them as much, and if a girl is a little over weight, then then problem is magnified.

[MissBarbara]

I'm also reading that it gives these boys a body image problem.  Big fake boobs, and tiny waists.  So normal women with normal proportions don't excite them as much, and if a girl is a little over weight, then then problem is magnified.

I'm also reading that it gives these boys a body image problem.  Big fake boobs, and tiny waists.  So normal women with normal proportions don't excite them as much, and if a girl is a little over weight, then then problem is magnified.

While I don't disagree with you (nor the other assertions above), I wonder how true this is in real life.

On the one hand, it isn't porn (or boys) that creates unrealistic women's body images, it's society in general, including both the entertainment and advertising industries.

On the other hand, we "adults" tend to underestimate teens' ability to perceive reality in the face of what's presented to them. Sure, there are guys who will only date (or fuck) gorgeous chicks with big boobs and tiny waists, but that's a very longstanding perception, and it's not true among the majority.

I work at a university, so I have a little window (albeit from the outside looking in) into 18-22 year olds. Well, at least before we went 100% virtual. From what I saw, boys dated, were in relationships with, and, I assume, having physical relationships with, women of very imaginable shape and size. While this is only one specific place at one specific time, I think that's the norm, and the hyper-idealization is the exception.

In fact, the biggest problem is the opposite: Young women seeing these images they're constantly being bombarded with -- tiny waist, big boobs, etc. -- and finding their own bodies wanting. Negative body images among young women (and not so young women) is a real phenomenon, and it affects young women in many ways, including ways we adults might not realize.

Most to the point (and back on topic), I think boys recognize that porn actors are, in fact, acting. The action is as fake as the actors' bodies.

[watcher1]

In fact, the biggest problem is the opposite: Young women seeing these images they're constantly being bombarded with -- tiny waist, big boobs, etc. -- and finding their own bodies wanting. Negative body images among young women (and not so young women) is a real phenomenon, and it affects young women in many ways, including ways we adults might not realize.

Most to the point (and back on topic), I think boys recognize that porn actors are, in fact, acting. The action is as fake as the actors' bodies.

Good point about girls and women being constantly bombarded with negative images. Pretty much with boys and men also. Yes, advertising and society as a whole can be blamed but constant viewing of porn videos can be detrimental in shaping images also.

[Shiela_M]

Young women seeing these images they're constantly being bombarded with -- tiny waist, big boobs, etc. -- and finding their own bodies wanting.

Hit the nail on the head there. I get self conscious at least once when I come here.  I love my body, dont get me wrong, work hard to keep it as it is, but I'll see something here almost every day that makes me want a change.  Heck, I've even posted a few myself.  Not fishing for comments or compliments, just agreeing with Miss.B

[ObiDongKenobi]

When I was young a 'one night stand' was a single date with a kiss if you were lucky, now it seems to be a first time shag with someone you never see again.

(Jesuit senior school for me, with zero sex education - the local girl's convent didn't seem the horny stereotypes of legend, or maybe it was just me they were avoiding).

[MintJulie]

When I was young a 'one night stand' was a single date with a kiss if you were lucky, now it seems to be a first time shag with someone you never see again.

I spoke with our oldest and asked her experiences while away at college (she just grad'd).  She said she witnessed a couple of one night hook ups.  But for the most part, a kiss was all that the boys got on their first night out.

And in her friend group from high school, they had a couple (boy/girl) going away to the same college.  He broke up with her because he was planning on hooking up every weekend and didn't want tied down.  Well, the rumor is he got shut out freshman year.  It's not as easy as they think.

[MissBarbara]

I remember after the class, when all the girls came out of class into the hall to our lockers, and then the boys came out.  Both guys and girls were all looking at the other sex like they were aliens. 

And how many stereotypes did this contribute to?

Quite the contrary: This book exploded stereotypes.

Believe me, I'm one of the last people to take advice from a self-help book, but I read this book about 20 years ago, and I found it hugely illuminating and almost vitally important. It helped me understand men much better than I did before, and it helped me understand women as well, beyond my own experiential and intuitive understanding.

[watcher1]

Believe me, I'm one of the last people to take advice from a self-help book, but I read this book about 20 years ago, and I found it hugely illuminating and almost vitally important. It helped me understand men much better than I did before, and it helped me understand women as well, beyond my own experiential and intuitive understanding.

Are men harder to understand then women? 

[Jed_]

I remember after the class, when all the girls came out of class into the hall to our lockers, and then the boys came out.  Both guys and girls were all looking at the other sex like they were aliens. 

And how many stereotypes did this contribute to?

Quite the contrary: This book exploded stereotypes.

Believe me, I'm one of the last people to take advice from a self-help book, but I read this book about 20 years ago, and I found it hugely illuminating and almost vitally important. It helped me understand men much better than I did before, and it helped me understand women as well, beyond my own experiential and intuitive understanding.

I’ll confess to never having read the book, but I do recall it’s publication being a phenomenon.  That’s why it popped into my head when when Jules said her Sex Ed class had the girls and boys looking at each other like they were aliens.

[MissBarbara]

Believe me, I'm one of the last people to take advice from a self-help book, but I read this book about 20 years ago, and I found it hugely illuminating and almost vitally important. It helped me understand men much better than I did before, and it helped me understand women as well, beyond my own experiential and intuitive understanding.

Are men harder to understand then women? 

Men aren't harder to understand than women, nor are men, in general, hard to understand.

But the point is they need to be understood, and it is as incumbent upon women to understand men as it us for men to understand women.

While the book focuses on the totality of relationships between women and men -- basically answering the question "Why do they do/think that?" -- I found it illuminating in understanding the sexual differences between women and men (and yes, I was aware of the irony that I would never need this information for personal purposes).

Take the phrase, "Men only want one thing" (and they want it at least 2-3 times each day). To be honest, I've heard this much more from men than from women, but it's important to understand it in the context of both a sexual and human relationship. I learned that men do not "only want one thing" -- they can be extremely caring, solicitous, and selfless lovers -- yet men and women are different in the ways in which they choose to act upon their sexual desires.

And this helps explode the persistent and longstanding myths that women are not as sexual as men, they do not have the same degree of sexual desire as men, and they do not enjoy sex as much as men. That's all false -- yet the myth has a basis in fact: Women are more "choosy" than men in the ways in which they choose to express their sexuality.

That's explains the fact that men hire a female prostitute or escort at a rate about 4,500 times that of women hiring a male prostitute or escort. Okay, I made that number up, but it's likely accurate. Or, as another example, when I first joined KB are read posts where men talked about masturbating 5 times a day, I was astonished, and I couldn't imagine how that was possible. And mu judgement was biased by the fact that the overwhelming majority of women would never do that, nor would they ever want to do that.

This book helped me understand that these two examples (among many others) do not mean that men are "pigs" or "perverts," or "disgusting," it simply means that men are different, and striving to understand men as they are -- and not as how they are unlike women -- is the key to understanding, and a successful relationship.

[Jed_]

Now I have an irrepressible yet completely hopeless desire to ask MissB out.

[MissBarbara]

Now I have an irrepressible yet completely hopeless desire to ask MissB out.

As long as that desire remains metaphorical, I'm fine with that.

[watcher1]

This book helped me understand that these two examples (among many others) do not mean that men are "pigs" or "perverts," or "disgusting," it simply means that men are different, and striving to understand men as they are -- and not as how they are unlike women -- is the key to understanding, and a successful relationship.

Mrs W never refers to men as pigs or perverts. She refers to most of them as dogs. 

Seriously though, thanks for sharing some insight on how you see men and women. 

[Jed_]

Now I have an irrepressible yet completely hopeless desire to ask MissB out.

As long as that desire remains metaphorical, I'm fine with that.

I think I once extended an offer to party with me on mushrooms.  Things can get awfully metaphorical on those.

LOL, you gave me a woo with the reason stated as, ‘Shrooms!’

[Shiela_M]

Are men harder to understand then women? 

I was going to say they are only because you refuse to talk.

What's wrong?

"Nuthin'"

"Don't wanna talk about it."

"I'm not a woman I don't need to talk about my feelings."

MissB has a far bett post though, but I will say that if thought men were simple and easy to understand, I surely wouldn't be giving myself such a headache over BIG Ben.

[MissBarbara]

Are men harder to understand then women? 

I was going to say they are only because you refuse to talk.

What's wrong?

"Nuthin'"

"Don't wanna talk about it."

"I'm not a woman I don't need to talk about my feelings."

MissB has a far bett post though, but I will say that if thought men were simple and easy to understand, I surely wouldn't be giving myself such a headache over BIG Ben.

Actually, that was one of my bigger take-aways from the book: Men don't talk about their feelings, and they get annoyed when women try to get them to talk about their feelings.

On top of that, while women want men to understand how they are feeling, men want to solve women's problems (or what they perceive as problems). We want them to understand, they want to fix. It's almost hopeless!

The book did not discuss how, why, of if size matters. And if it had, I would have skipped that part...

[_priapism]

On top of that, while women want men to understand how they are feeling, men want to solve women's problems (or what they perceive as problems). We want them to understand, they want to fix. It's almost hopeless!

The book did not discuss how, why, of if size matters. And if it had, I would have skipped that part...

I still struggle with that one, because, if a woman takes the time to lay out all of her problems, it just seems natural to identify the issues, and come up with a plan to correct the situation.  That’s a guy thing.

I need to be reminded that women are not looking for solutions. They’re looking for a sympathetic ear.  Guys need to do a better job of just shutting up, and giving out more hugs.

[Jed_]

I’m fine talking about my feelings, honestly, I really am.  I did so not long ago when something bothered me.  Sometimes it’s not well received, which is why I expect a lot of men stop doing it.  Then there’s those that see it as being weak; I do not.

But I do admit I am frequently perplexed by a woman’s feelings and actions.  I try to fit these things to a logic, except there’s none I can perceive.  Sometimes I feel like if there were just a few more words, I would get it instantly, just a little more explanation.  I feel like we’re expected to be far more intuitive than we really are.  I expect most men have heard, “If you don’t know what’s wrong, I’m not going to tell you!”