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Need advice about a medical issue

DeviationElevation83 · 157

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Offline DeviationElevation83

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on: October 05, 2022, 09:37:05 PM
Hey all. So... I have been with my wife for around 16 years now. When we got together, sex was pretty good. Of course, I had nothing to base it off of because I was a virgin.

As things go, our sex sessions started dropping off as they do for many couples after a few years. It started out as 2,3 maybe 4 nights a week, down to a couple after a few years and then once a week after another few, then a couple times a month and so forth.

This trend continued until around 3 or 4 years ago when I could keep count on one hand how many times in a year we would have sex. Spoiler alert - didn't even fill the hand.

My wife has never been a completely confident person when it comes to her looks. I have always thought she was beautiful and I've often told her, but with some weight gain and age taking their toll, it affects her. I honestly thought this was the reason for our lost love making. Until she finally told me that she has a medical issue known as lichen sclerosus.

For those that aren't familiar with that ailment (because I sure as shit wasn't), it's a skin disorder/disease that affects the skin typically in the genital/anus area. It looks like white patches in various degrees of intensity. The biggest issue is that it makes penetration painful in either the vagina or anus and from what she says, it feels like she's being ripped open.

She is not an adventurous person in the bedroom and overall has a very low sex drive even when healthy. We've tried the whole mutual masterbation thing before and it's fun, but that's only been one time so far and she doesn't initiate.

I'm not saying I don't love her because I do, I'm not saying I want to call it quits, I'm not saying I want to have an affair. I guess truthfully, I don't know what I'm saying. I guess I'm just asking anyone for help that's lived with this condition, known someone that has or something similar that might be able to offer advice on what to do. I have a high sex drive and I have to believe that not getting what I need is affecting my mood.

I appreciate any thoughts you all have.

Kinky, tabood, depraved and deprived.


Offline Pornhubby

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Reply #1 on: October 05, 2022, 11:02:48 PM
Quote
My wife has never been a completely confident person when it comes to her looks.

Quote
She is not an adventurous person in the bedroom and overall has a very low sex drive even when healthy.

Quote
I have a high sex drive and I have to believe that not getting what I need is affecting my mood.


You have a whole lot more than a “medical issue” going on here. I would strongly advise marital counseling. Best way to exchange information and feelings, to see how you feel about working through this. She may be having her mood affected also.



Offline DeviationElevation83

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Reply #2 on: October 06, 2022, 04:30:36 AM



You have a whole lot more than a “medical issue” going on here. I would strongly advise marital counseling. Best way to exchange information and feelings, to see how you feel about working through this. She may be having her mood affected also.

Yeah... It's true. Unfortunately, we've discussed counseling a few times but haven't gone yet. I try to tell her how I feel about it, but it just doesn't seem like a big deal to her.

Kinky, tabood, depraved and deprived.


Offline Shiela_M

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Reply #3 on: October 06, 2022, 05:48:38 AM
Here's the thing that she may not understand, and it took me many many years and conversations and failed relationships to understand.

Men and sex is far, far, FAR more complicated than talked or joked about. I, like so many other women hear the jokes about men think about sex every 30 seconds or that 1 out ever 5th thought is about sex and yada yada yada. It is so much more.

Counseling is a must for her specially. She needs to understand that being intimate with you is more than about you "getting off". I have come to understand that, not only is it healthy physically for you, but it also makes you feel more confident, desired, appreciated, and loved. On top of that, it is a HUGE stress reliever for not only you men but for everybody. She needs to hear from somebody other than you, that sex is important to you in more ways than one.

You're not all that much different as us in seeing sex as a way to connect on a much higher level. Constantly denying you your needs builds up and will eventually be too much for you and whether or not you want an affair, it may inadvertantly come to that. You'd have to make a choice of being unsatisfied or being unfaithful and that is not fair to you. Yes if you cheat that is all on you, but it would be you're unhappiness, and being unsatisfied that led you there.

Go seek professional help, if she doesnt want to go, go on your own and let her know you are doing this. Let her know why you are doing this. It will hurt her to know you are unhappy with how things are, but doing this together should show her that you still love her. You're willing to seek professional help so it doesn't come to affairs. You desire her and want to be with her, and it only makes sense that she should feel the same, and show you that. Her sex drive may not be at tour level, or even where it once was, but she should be willing and wanting to make you happy, and sex is a sure fire way of doing this. It isnt about womanly or wife duties as much as being there for the one you love no matter what.

This medical issue isnt something new, and I'm sure there are treatments and plans out there to help her with it. I havent ever heard of it, but it cant be so uncommon as to not have treatments. She may feel embarrassed about seeking help, but again, for the sake of a healthy sex life, she should be willing to put her feelings aside. Be there for her evey step of the way, and let her know you're supporting her. It wont make things that much easier, but she will knownshes never alone in this.

You love her and are willing to do what it takes to be happy with her, then it is only right, fair, and equal, that she do the same. If she isnt wanting or willing to work things through... I hope it does not come to that.

I wish you the best love  :emot_kiss:
« Last Edit: October 06, 2022, 05:54:37 AM by Shiela_M »

I survive because the fire inside burn brighter than the fire around me. I am the Phoenix


Offline KlineS147

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Reply #4 on: November 10, 2022, 04:33:40 PM
I can’t comment or relate to the medical issue, but I can absolutely 100% relate to the other stuff, less than 5 times a year for sex, non adventurous partner, her lack of confidence, never initiating.

I guess you’re not alone with this, I don’t have a solution or advice because I am in the middle of it as well.

I love my wife to death and our marriage is great, no issues other than the sex, and it’s not enough to make me not want or love her anymore! It’s just frustrating for sure, the lack of sex and constantly being turned down.

I feel your pain brother!