Unwanted Gifts

[Hilda]

My retirement gift was a Parker pen. I've owned Parkers before but this one was different. Ugly, unwieldy, with a fibre tip instead of a nib. I put it away and forgot about it.

Today I had to fill in a tax form, which I usually do with a ballpoint pen. For some reason I remembered the Parker and took it out of storage. The ink had dried out so I inserted a refill.

As I wrote the first digit on the form, I was appalled to see the ink bleed into the paper, all the way through to the reverse side. The Parker went back into its box and I finished the form using a cheap disposable ballpoint.

I'd throw the Parker away if it didn't have sentimental value and a tiny logo engraved in the cap.

I can think of many other gifts that I wish I hadn't received. Have other KB members had the same experience? Unwanted gifts you threw away or unwanted gifts you kept? Or even unwanted gifts you passed on to someone else?

[Dudester]

I have a sister, that among her attributes, is that she is impulsive. Before the movie, when the book "The Da Vinci Code" came out, my sister rapidly read the book, then sent it to me as a Christmas gift. My sister is a chain smoker. When I opened the box, the overpowering reek of nicotine jumped out, grabbed me by the throat and started a coughing fit. I placed the book on the balcony of the apartment I lived in. After ten days of being outside, the reek had diminished so I took it inside to read it (but I still wore surgical gloves to handle the book).

Fast forward 19 years. My sister sent me another book, of unfinished poetry. My sister taught herself to play guitar in the mid 1960's, but she never learned to read music, or even chords. A book of unfinished poetry would be helpful to a struggling songwriter, which I am not. I use the book as a coaster on my desk.

[Writers Bloque]

My cousin who is I swear is trying to be funny, but comes up short. She sent me one Christmas when we were struggling in our tiny apartment, a wrapped box was an envelope that had "Rent Money" nicely decorated on it. My heart jumped for joy at the thought of a major expense being paid. I opened it and inside was two condoms. There was lube in the box and mouthwash. I had never been so pissed off at her. I called her and demanded an answer. She was laughing when she asked me if it was funny. I told her no, and told her to leave us alone. Her parents pay for her entire lifestyle, and she had the audacity to look down on me and mine.

It still sits in the attic, untouched, waiting for the major clean out to be tossed aside.

And if anyone is wondering, that was the entire gift, nothing hidden, no gotcha's, nothing, just her stupid fucking idea of a gag gift done in exceptionally poor taste.

[Pornhubby]

My ex was, and remains still, one of the most selfish and narcissistic individuals I’ve ever been involved with. She gave me a back scratcher for my 40th birthday. And a bag of Starbucks coffee for my 50th. Didn’t even bother to wrap it. “I know you like coffee.“ Jesus. I feel so special. It made me feel so lucky to have lived a half century.

So this week she started frantically texting me that the tires of her automobile had been slashed. Apparently, the man she left me for, saw her car at the house of the married man she’s committing adultery with now, and slashed her side walls.

“Why exactly are you telling me this?”

“I thought you might know what to do.”

Note to Hilda: I am a fountain pen aficionado.  When a fountain pen has been sitting around a long time, particularly with ink in it, you need to flush the entire system. Force water through the system to flush out the gunk. Soak the nib and feeder in water and a little ammonia.

[Writers Bloque]

My ex was, and remains still, one of the most selfish and narcissistic individuals I’ve ever been involved with. She gave me a back scratcher for my 40th birthday. And a bag of Starbucks coffee for my 50th. Didn’t even bother to wrap it. “I know you like coffee.“ Jesus. I feel so special. It made me feel so lucky to have lived a half century.

So this week she started frantically texting me that the tires of her automobile had been slashed. Apparently, the man she left me for, saw her car at the house of the married man she’s committing adultery with now, and slashed her side walls.

“Why exactly are you telling me this?”

“I thought you might know what to do.”

Note to Hilda: I am a fountain pen aficionado.  When a fountain pen has been sitting around a long time, particularly with ink in it, you need to flush the entire system. Force water through the system to flush out the gunk. Soak the nib and feeder in water and a little ammonia.

I wanted a fountain pen, but I have a bad track record with them.

Also if it was me, I would tell her to get fucked. You owe her nothing, and shes made her bed.

[msslave]

Can't think of anything that I've received. I am still haunted by the first Christmas gift I gave to my first wife.
Married only a few months and in our early 20's I was lost for ideas.

Christmas morning I presented her with a carefully wrapped present. I'll never forget the look on her face as she held it in her hands...a beautiful electric carving knife.

And ppl marvel that I've been married 4 times.

[Writers Bloque]

Can't think of anything that I've received. I am still haunted by the first Christmas gift I gave to my first wife.
Married only a few months and in our early 20's I was lost for ideas.

Christmas morning I presented her with a carefully wrapped present. I'll never forget the look on her face as she held it in her hands...a beautiful electric carving knife.

And ppl marvel that I've been married 4 times.

At least you were not my Uncle who gave his wife an antique belly jiggling weight loss machine thing he found antiquing. He thought she would like it for the kitsch value, but she took it wholly wrong and he spent the entire winter on the couch.

Funny and sad thing was, he restored it to almost new condition, even worked on the motor, so it could be plugged in and operated.

[lilraccoon]

Nothing like re-gifting a unwanted gift. 
May be tacky
But I love to spread the joy