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Married man looking for some advice

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Offline chris r

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Reply #15 on: April 30, 2013, 12:28:59 PM
Marriage is about commitment and monogamy. It's not like a rental car...try it until you find the right one...that's what your and her time as a single person was about. Time to pull on your big boy pants tell her what you expect from her as your wife and to act like a man and commit 100% towards the marriage. Get some outside help that will help both of you with boundaries.

I've went through a very similar first marriage.Don't be another divorce statistic if at all possible.

Offline lookinginnd

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Reply #16 on: May 01, 2013, 02:34:16 AM
Sounds like the open part of the marriage is very one sided. There is nothing wrong with swinging if a couple goes into it with the right attitude and rules that are followed and not broken or bent as things progress. For us swinging has been very enjoyable we don't swap often but when we do it is when both of us agree upon the situation and we only play in the same room.  It's not for everyone and it definitely should never be done to "save" a marriage a weak marriage is not going to survive, it only compounds the problems within the marriage.  The #1 rule in swinging is communication with your partner.

Offline Elizabeth

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Reply #17 on: May 01, 2013, 02:47:02 AM
I'm most likely the last person to give advice about this:
But I'll be blunt (sorry)....."you Need to move on".."your being played like a well strung harp"...While you may think there's something there to save, she dosen't see it the same way and she's playing you for a fool. If she is so enamored with her co-worker maybe she should move in with him (and out of your life). But since you already said she keeps moving the goal post.....I would suspect that this is going to happen soon than you think.
Seriously.....Move On!!....your now wasting your time and most likely your money.

Offline uptoyou

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Reply #18 on: May 11, 2013, 06:05:22 PM
....RUN don't walk RUN......

Offline Jaya

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Reply #19 on: July 11, 2013, 07:25:34 PM
It's an older topic, but I felt I had to say something anyway.

From my perspective, in a loving open relationship, the situation you are in, does not at all look well.

Being openminded and honest, or even having an open relationship, is MORE, not less, commitment than a monogamous one. Rules are rules and the only way sharing love with others is even possible is because trust is earned and promises are as good as sacred.

In this situation, the boundaries keep shifting. I'm really sorry about that and I'm sorry you're being treated unfairly when you are to be applauded for understanding that attraction can happen even in a relationship.

I think it's time to have 'that discussion' to find out if she is distancing herself, can't commit or if there is something that irks her but she's to scared to bring up (which might cause the running away)? In any case, you might want to carefully consider before making any major lifechanging decisions. Good luck, hope the situation turned by now!

share the <3

I am not young enough to know everything ~Oscar Wilde

Offline Rivers

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Reply #20 on: July 14, 2013, 06:39:15 PM
Hey, all.  I feel for Reverseorange, but I also wanted to say that there was some really good advice on this thread. It comforts me to see what the posters on this board can expect in the way of interaction.

Smiling can make you happy; try it


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Reply #21 on: September 14, 2013, 10:55:41 PM
So for anyone who wanted to know the conclusion to this,

She continued to lie to me and say and do things behind my back. So I decided that it would be best if we were not together anymore and I started divorce proceedings.

Offline horny guy

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Reply #22 on: September 15, 2013, 12:34:18 AM
thanks for letting us know.


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Reply #23 on: September 15, 2013, 01:42:30 AM


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Reply #24 on: September 15, 2013, 01:54:14 AM
I'm sorry to hear that.  It's always sad when a marriage ends, no matter the reasons.

Offline vinney

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Reply #25 on: September 15, 2013, 02:16:53 AM
It's probably been said before but commitment and understanding is the solid foundation for marriage or partnerships... when things begin to go wrong and either spouse turns their attention elsewhere it takes an incredible amount of patience and understanding to overcome jealousy... Talking things through works both ways... it helps understand the situation... understand the feeling towards the third party... but talking also means home truths which can hit hard and cause even more grief...

Sad to say when things go wrong there is often no way back...

Sorry to hear it hasn't worked out for you...


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Offline Rufus Lee King

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Reply #26 on: October 01, 2013, 09:47:02 PM
Write her a check for signing the divorce papers
on her way out the door and then have the locks changed.


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Reply #27 on: June 26, 2021, 06:05:07 PM
Where to begin,

I've been married for 5 years and together with my wife for 7, we've moved countries twice to stay with one another but now i am feeling very down and worried about the future of our relationship.

p.s. just before all this began I we decided to try and have kids (at her suggestion) and think about buying a house together and move out of our shitty apartment

Since I noticed you recently logged in, I have to ask, how did all this turn out for you? It’s been eight years, about the same length as your relationship when you first posted. Did you stay together? Did you have kids? Curious minds want to know.