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Body confidence, weight and sex.

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Offline Well Behaved Lady

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Reply #20 on: November 04, 2013, 08:52:58 PM

I was just wondering how many of you guys and girls have body issues, and if so, does this affect your sex life?
I have weight issues. I won't go into them too much, but when I first met my boyfriend I was a size 8-10 and felt good, but now I am a size 12-14 and it really has knocked my confidence when we are intimate.  :-[
I know it's my fault though, so I am currently trying my best to lose weight. I have been doing really well this past week.
Just wondering if anyone has felt or feels the same. Be nice to know I'm not alone...

Edit: Would also be nice to know what you do to make you feel confident/more happy with yourself.


From a guys point of view, I would suggest that you still take time to look sexy even if you don't feel that way. In my opinion, self confidence itself is very sexy. A girl who has put in weight yet still carries herself with confidence can still be powerfully attractive, but I find some girls become very uncomfortable in their skin and it shows in the way they dress and carry themselves.

I have seen several sexy women who are no longer model sized, but the self confidence (or lack thereof) can be the real killer. I'm not sure how you can work on that, but recognize that while yes it is nice to try to get in better shape, you can still be sexy in a larger size.
 


That's a good point, but I think for many women, it's a double-edged sword: dress sexy and feel sexy vs. feel sexy and dress sexy.

A couple of summers ago I was on the beach at Coney Island, and there was a woman there who was about 30 lbs. overweight and was wearing a tiny lime-green bikini. And she looked absolutely mouth-watering. It was her self-confidence, and not her physical shape, that chiefly contributed to that. She seemed to be saying, "I don't give a fuck what you think...").

But either that came naturally to her, or she worked to the point where she felt confident wearing that swimsuit in public. And, for may women, it's very hard for them to get to that point.




I know I have to feel good about myself before I even consider wearing anything I class as sexy attire. I'm sure I'm not the only female who has off days when no matter how much something looks good on you, if you don't feel good it won't look good to you.

I do feel from my own experience that as a larger woman I use to hide my figure under baggy clothes, it took some time to realise wearing clothing that actually fitted my figure as opposed to hiding it gave me a confidence I didn't know I had.

I've chosen to change my life for me, no one else. I look and feel a lot better than I did ten months ago. My confidence has changed slightly I would say, I'm still coming to terms with being slimmer which some might not realise is another hurdle to get over.

A side note - It's my experience that men don't like to admit liking a larger woman, be it to their friends or in general, it is due to discussion boards like here and obviously chatting on line that I found out different.



Offline phtlc

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Reply #21 on: November 04, 2013, 09:52:56 PM
I do feel from my own experience that as a larger woman I use to hide my figure under baggy clothes, it took some time to realise wearing clothing that actually fitted my figure as opposed to hiding it gave me a confidence I didn't know I had.

Hiding under a tent or mummu is a classic mistake. It literally sends off a signal that says "I'm worthless and unattractive so don't look at me". Finding something that accentuates your good points is the key, and having the self confidence to wear it with attitude is a must.

While you're waiting in vain for that apology, why don't you make yourself useful by getting on your knees and opening your mouth


Offline Mistybabe123

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Reply #22 on: December 22, 2013, 07:41:22 PM
lol.......don't think that being slim is a bed of roses either.........I have just as many body issues and try my hardest to keep my calorie intake high, but I find it difficult .........I would love just a little bit more weight.  But I do agree, there is no point in getting too upset, everyone appeals to someone at some point   :emot_weird:

'Vampires are sexy to a woman perhaps because the fantasy is similar to that of the man on the white horse sweeping her off to paradise'
Frank Langella


Janus

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Reply #23 on: December 22, 2013, 07:52:46 PM
Misty you'll not get any complaints from me about your sexy slender figure.  Lol



Offline Mistybabe123

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Reply #24 on: December 22, 2013, 08:32:39 PM
Misty you'll not get any complaints from me about your sexy slender figure.  Lol

LOL.......stop it Janus behave lol.  Everyone has issues about weight at the end of the day. 

All you can be is yourself and try and think if people say something that is derogatory then they are jealous about something about you...........

'Vampires are sexy to a woman perhaps because the fantasy is similar to that of the man on the white horse sweeping her off to paradise'
Frank Langella


gomez38555

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Reply #25 on: December 22, 2013, 10:43:32 PM
Tell ya what Misty.  I'll come over, take care of the house, cook good meals that will make you gain a few kilo's, and the only work you have to do is fold the laundry (I hate folding laundry).  Course there wont be much that needed washing. ;D



TinyDancer

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Reply #26 on: December 22, 2013, 11:55:09 PM
lol.......don't think that being slim is a bed of roses either.........I have just as many body issues and try my hardest to keep my calorie intake high, but I find it difficult .........I would love just a little bit more weight.  But I do agree, there is no point in getting too upset, everyone appeals to someone at some point   :emot_weird:

I can tell you from personal experience that Ensure can help you with that problem.  Besides being 350 calories a pop, it's loaded with all kinds of nutrients and vitamins.



snowm

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Reply #27 on: December 23, 2013, 04:56:27 AM

Yay, now I have PMs. :)

Wait a few days, eat some chocolate, then you will be past it...;)

My wife has body issues. She tries to watch what she eats and I try to support her by cooking healthy but I am not the best influence there. Her job is such that she does not have the time to spend in a gym. I have been a stay at home dad for 5 years now and I have put on a lot of couch weight too. Had a bit of a rough year and I am one to eat my emotions so that didn't help the effort either.

In the end though, what works, what doesn't? I think the first step is to work on the self confidence and change the situation in your mind from how you explain it here into "I need to trim a few pounds." This makes the process not so daunting and takes some pressure off. You need to be doing it for yourself instead of for your b/f. Good luck and welcome to KB.



Offline na7na

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Reply #28 on: January 01, 2014, 11:42:12 AM
MistyBabe, you're right!  People have body image issues no matter what their size.  And surprisingly, the thoughts that we have about our bodies are pretty similar across the board.

I've been in treatment for an eating disorder for almost 2 years now.  No more symptom use!  Just working on polishing up that body image now.  No, my body is not perfect, but that doesn't mean it needs to change and that its not worthy of love and adoration the way it is.  I'm getting ever closer to loving the reflection that I see in the mirror, and I know that when I do, I will be exuding so much sexual grace and desire that I'll be dropping jaws and have drooling fans wherever I go, even if I am close to 300 pounds.

Attitude and confidence are key!



Offline CarlyWals

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Reply #29 on: January 01, 2014, 03:11:00 PM
I know it's my fault though, so I am currently trying my best to lose weight. I have been doing really well this past week.

Edit: Would also be nice to know what you do to make you feel confident/more happy with yourself.

Well it isn't not your fault. Its your parents fault, and your grandparents, and anyone that has contributed to the primordial genetic soup that is now "you". I'm 39 now and getting older has given me similar feelings about myself and body and looks overall. Bulgy now where I wasn't, saggy now where I wasn't. I still look good, but I feel like i have to add "for my age" now when I brag. I can see my shelf life approaching.

Lucky there are things we can do. Make healthy eating choices. You know what they are. Quit snacking altogether. Eat only if you are honestly hungry. Move around in any fashion, walk, run, bike doesn't matter.

good luck, this will be a lifelong battle, but you can win it.

Courage isn't always a roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day that says, "I'll try again tomorrow"


Offline kitkatluvsbear

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Reply #30 on: January 01, 2014, 08:28:34 PM
alot of how you feel you look depends on who are you are involved with physically and intimately.

my daughter and i have grown up in and around a boat and the water and scuba diving and traveling alot. nudity around each other became such a relaxed thing to be and no it was not a show off nudity its just being free and relaxed.

so being older yes i am not as those around her age would be but she and i get out we love to have fun on run and walk marathons and 5ks but cant say we excercise.

we have a fun bond because of what being active does for us both, healthy mentally and physically. and i know how i feel is because of how she sees and feels with me.



Offline rosiebecs

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Reply #31 on: January 10, 2014, 11:12:25 PM
I was just wondering how many of you guys and girls have body issues, and if so, does this affect your sex life?

I have weight issues. I won't go into them too much, but when I first met my boyfriend I was a size 8-10 and felt good, but now I am a size 12-14 and it really has knocked my confidence when we are intimate.  :-[

I know it's my fault though, so I am currently trying my best to lose weight. I have been doing really well this past week.

Just wondering if anyone has felt or feels the same. Be nice to know I'm not alone...

Edit: Would also be nice to know what you do to make you feel confident/more happy with yourself.

In this culture I think it is hard for anyone but especially women to NOT have body image issues. I have always been petite but have also always felt I had a muffin top too.

When I got divorced by self image tanked big time. I started working out all the time. Yet, I still think I have a muffin top, even though I don't.

It doesn't always help looking at all these pictures either. These women are so hot. I wonder what their issues are! :'(



coacheric

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Reply #32 on: January 10, 2014, 11:19:50 PM
I've always held larger women high on my list of sexy. I can say that I have never dated anyone that did not at least have a muffin top. I enjoy looking at all of the pictures posted here but as a few members can back, I like the larger set women best  ;D



Offline MissBarbara

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Reply #33 on: January 10, 2014, 11:22:45 PM

I was just wondering how many of you guys and girls have body issues, and if so, does this affect your sex life?

I have weight issues. I won't go into them too much, but when I first met my boyfriend I was a size 8-10 and felt good, but now I am a size 12-14 and it really has knocked my confidence when we are intimate.  :-[

I know it's my fault though, so I am currently trying my best to lose weight. I have been doing really well this past week.

Just wondering if anyone has felt or feels the same. Be nice to know I'm not alone...

Edit: Would also be nice to know what you do to make you feel confident/more happy with yourself.

In this culture I think it is hard for anyone but especially women to NOT have body image issues. I have always been petite but have also always felt I had a muffin top too.

When I got divorced by self image tanked big time. I started working out all the time. Yet, I still think I have a muffin top, even though I don't.

It doesn't always help looking at all these pictures either. These women are so hot. I wonder what their issues are! :'(



Actually, one of the cool things about this board is that many of the pictures, including several entire threads, are pictures of women who aren't traditionally beautiful or hot (or skinny, or with big boobs, etc).

For me, normal women are far sexier than dolled-up models with pneumatic boobs. And muffin tops can be a turn on, too...





"Sometimes the best things in life are a hot girl and a cold beer."



Offline Well Behaved Lady

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Reply #34 on: January 11, 2014, 12:10:49 AM
Self confidence is a sexy trait find that and you are going to ooze sex appeal.

I'm a curvy woman, I've posted previously about my on going weight loss, I'm doing it for me, I feel healthier, my mind is clearer too. My self confidence grows each day more and more. Ill always be curvy, it's in my make up I'm just working on it looking better than it has done in the past, to me anyway.




Offline Elizabeth

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Reply #35 on: January 11, 2014, 12:18:14 AM
I guess I'm skinny....( I don't know).
I'm 5' 10" and 149lbs.
I never really gave my appearance much of a thought (other than dressing nicely).
But, I don't think I need to diet or anything else (I get enough exercise with the horses). To be real honest, I'm glad that I have only 34B breast, I'm perfectly fine with them, I don't need big breast, I don't want big breast.
Love,
Liz



Offline Well Behaved Lady

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Reply #36 on: January 11, 2014, 12:20:13 AM
I guess I'm skinny....( I don't know).
I'm 5' 10" and 149lbs.
I never really gave my appearance much of a thought (other than dressing nicely).
But, I don't think I need to diet or anything else (I get enough exercise with the horses). To be real honest, I'm glad that I have only 34B breast, I'm perfectly fine with them, I don't need big breast, I don't want big breast.
Love,
Liz


Once you are happy that is all that counts

xxx



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Reply #37 on: January 11, 2014, 06:13:14 AM
I guess I'm skinny....( I don't know).
I'm 5' 10" and 149lbs.
I never really gave my appearance much of a thought (other than dressing nicely).
But, I don't think I need to diet or anything else (I get enough exercise with the horses). To be real honest, I'm glad that I have only 34B breast, I'm perfectly fine with them, I don't need big breast, I don't want big breast.
Love,
Liz


Do you find yourself listing to the left or right when you ride?:)



Offline NaughtyNicole

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Reply #38 on: January 31, 2014, 10:31:56 PM
Through my teens and early 20's, I was always in good shape and weighed about the same.  I was about 5'4 and weighed from 115-118lbs.  Even after I had my first 2 kids I would quickly lose the weight and be back down my normal size.  I had my 3rd child when I was 25 and I really gained a lot during my pregnancy.  My marriage was far from a happy one (the pregnancy was unplanned) and I found solace in food. So after giving birth I was about 160lbs and unlike the other times, I made little effort to lose the weight. My husband didn't seem to care, not because he loved me but because he hardly new  I existed anymore. I had very little desire to have sex and hardly ever even masturbated.  I was like this for a couple of years.  My marriage got worse and worse and I just didn't care what I looked like.  Then one day one of my neighbors who was also in a bad marriage told me she was contemplating divorce.  She wanted to get in better shape since she might soon be single again so she begged me to join a gym with her. I really didn't want to but I did for her sake.  Well after a few weeks I felt alive again.  I began to lose weight and eat better and after 6 months I lost almost 30lbs. I felt great, began to notice men (and women) looking at me again.  And I loved working out.  I started dressing sexier again and felt like I mattered.  After a year of hard work and diet I was back to 115lbs and I have been there for ever since. This gave me the confidence to get out of my marriage and start a who new life. And my sex life just kept getting better and better. 

Losing weight has to be something YOU want for YOU!!  If you are happy with what you weigh, no matter how fat or skinny OTHERS may think you are, then that is fine.  Other than health reasons, It has to be for YOU! 

As far as being sexy, in my opinion Sexy is all about attitude, not appearance, There are some incredibly beautiful women who are just NOT sexy.  And some who most would consider overweight who are very sexy! 

Do it for YOU!!

Just my long winded two cents.



Offline Rabbit

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Reply #39 on: February 01, 2014, 08:20:25 AM
My wife and even myself recently ran into the this issue.  I love my wife to no end no matter what.  She started gaining a bit of weight.  She said I always made her feel so beautiful and confident she didn't even realize it.  She wasn't fat, but wasn't happy with her body any longer.  She was 5'8 about 158lbs.  The weight went all to her tummy.  So she got a gym membership and started working out and eating more healthy.  Even had a personal trainer to start out with.  She toned up a LOT and is down to 137 with a goal weight of 135.  Has good definition in her arms and legs and is also starting to grow a six pack.  Her confidence is back and she feels more comfortable with her body now.

That led me to my problem.  I've always thought she was absolutely gorgeous and by far the sexiest woman to walk the face of the earth.  As I said I love my wife more than anything.  Now it has completely doubled.  It left me a bit unconfident in my body.  As I'm a very small guy and always have been.  I was 5'8 115lbs and extremely scrawny.  I decided to make a change as well.  I changed my eating habits, started working out and i'm up to 145 and getting a lot more definition.  Regaining confidence and feel a lot better about myself.  Not only that i'm healthier and feel much better in general.

This has led to an even better sex life with me and my wife.  Exercising boost your sex drive, when you feel confident you'll do things you wouldn't before and in general sex is just amazing.

If you're unhappy with your body and not feel confident than its time to make a change.  You're partner has a lot to do with this as well.  If he isn't helping your ego than it doesn't matter what you do.  Not saying that is the case as I don't know you or your S/O or if you even have one for that matter.