Body confidence, weight and sex.

[frustrated_girl]

I was just wondering how many of you guys and girls have body issues, and if so, does this affect your sex life?

I have weight issues. I won't go into them too much, but when I first met my boyfriend I was a size 8-10 and felt good, but now I am a size 12-14 and it really has knocked my confidence when we are intimate.  

I know it's my fault though, so I am currently trying my best to lose weight. I have been doing really well this past week.

Just wondering if anyone has felt or feels the same. Be nice to know I'm not alone...

Edit: Would also be nice to know what you do to make you feel confident/more happy with yourself.

[coacheric]

My wife has body issues also. She has been walking and watching what she eats for awhile now and looks great but she does not feel the same yet .

Good luck with the weight loss.

[GermanChick]

Good, bad or otherwise - the way I feel about myself is directly connected to how sexy I feel which in turn affects how much sex I want to have.

I'm tall, so it takes a lot of weight to actually 'look' heavy, but the main factor in my opinion is the way you feel about yourself. Scales and charts can tell you that you're within your 'healthy' weight, but if you don't FEEL GOOD about yourself it doesn't really matter what those charts say.

We are all different and I'm sure there are women (and men) out there that love their figures even if society deems them 'too heavy' and I admire them for it - but for me I need to exercise regularly (hot yoga being my first choice ) to feel healthy, sexy and horny.

The best example is this actually :I had surgery 2 weeks ago and have lost weight even though I didn't have much to loose to begin with - if it was JUST about the weight I should feel great about myself but - I still don't feel sexy right now which proves that weight is just a number. Once I'm back 100% the sex will follow once again.

I hope you find something that works with loosing the weight (or redistributing it to muscle) so you can get back to being your horny little self again!

Good luck!

[vinney]

Good luck Sarah... it's reducing the portions of food... choosing a diet that works for you both... and exercise... then the sexercise will get better...

Mind you... size and weight don't really come into it when people love each other... sexuality can be a turn on whatever shape...

Take heart and good luck...

vinney

[Well Behaved Lady]

I was just wondering how many of you guys and girls have body issues, and if so, does this affect your sex life?

I have weight issues. I won't go into them too much, but when I first met my boyfriend I was a size 8-10 and felt good, but now I am a size 12-14 and it really has knocked my confidence when we are intimate.  

I know it's my fault though, so I am currently trying my best to lose weight. I have been doing really well this past week.

Just wondering if anyone has felt or feels the same. Be nice to know I'm not alone...

Edit: Would also be nice to know what you do to make you feel confident/more happy with yourself.

Aww sweetheart you are definitely not alone, I am currently in the process of losing weight, the compliments and the ability to wear lots of new clothes is such a boost and the love of a good man helps too. I've lost a large amount of weight through sensible dieting and exercise and I'm loving every minute of it. I still have a bit to lose but there is no rush, I want it to be a permanent fix this time rather than it coming off and going back on.

My weight has never interferred with my sex life, it's just got better is the only way to explain with the weight loss.  Once you feel you look good, the confidence boost you get is amazing. I always think sexy underwear can give you a boost no matter what size you are, treat yourself, feel sexy underneath and it will show on the outside.

If you need any tips when you can PM me, please do I'll happily share some of my tips with you. Weight loss to date almost 4 stone, and I can still enjoy the odd bar of choc, crisps and drink if I want too.

[MissBarbara]

Great advice and great insights here from everyone who has responded!

I would only add that you should stop saying, or even thinking, "I know it's my fault though..."

Sure, everyone trying to address a weight problem is well served to watch what they eat a little more closely and try to get out a little more and get some exercise, but please don't blame yourself. As WBL put it, you have made a choice to improve your figure, and that's an excellent step. Go for it -- I support you 100%.

P.S. Do keep in mind that some people's body issues stem from the fact that they feel they are too small, and not too big...

[Well Behaved Lady]

Great advice and great insights here from everyone who has responded!

I would only add that you should stop saying, or even thinking, "I know it's my fault though..."

Sure, everyone trying to address a weight problem is well served to watch what they eat a little more closely and try to get out a little more and get some exercise, but please don't blame yourself. As WBL put it, you have made a choice to improve your figure, and that's an excellent step. Go for it -- I support you 100%.

P.S. Do keep in mind that some people's body issues stem from the fact that they feel they are too small, and not too big...

Bugger I forgot to highlight that in my original post about you saying "I know it's my fault though..." Please get past thinking like this, if you don't you will hinder any attempts at trying to lose weight.

You could be eating the right amount of food but not exercising enough to balance it out, one of my faults was only eating once a day, I now have 3 meals a day and a couple of snacks in between.

I set myself goals, when I reached a goal, I set a new one. Take slow steps. ask your partner to join you at the gym or for a swim (if you can) walking is a great exercise and what better way to walk than with someone and build up a sweat and get naked together in the shower after. 

This is day one, go from here, you are uber sexy and you love your body, you are just going to make it a little better for you, no one else just YOU!

[Janus]

I'll chime in here also. Miss B you are right on the money. some folks think they are too small and I have encountered that several times with the women I have dated.

Now I am no skinny fella. I used to weigh 318 lb's and I had some physical issues as a result. Arthritis in my hips was real bad.

At my Dr.'s urging I had a gastric bypass surgery. I lost a bunch of weight. I went from 318 to 174 and I felt miserable. I spoke with the surgeon and he said "start eating dumb ass...

I am currently at 205 lb's and I am very comfortable with my weight. At 5'9" I am still heavier than I "should Be" however I am happy with me. It has made a world of difference in the confidence dept. However, because I was so heavy for so many years I have nervous feelings about taking my shirt off at the beach. My skin didn't all stretch back into place and I have moobs and a bit of flab.....BUT I have a charming personality and a winning smile and I feel good about the person I am on the inside.

I get lots of dates and go out when I want. I have no issues meeting folks to get to know. In fact I have a date tonight with a nice lady that lost her husband 3 years ago. She told me the only reason she asked me out was because I was such a nice person when we met in the grocery store line. 

All I'm trying to say is that confidence and sexiness is an internal thing. If you can find peace within your own mind and find a comfort in who you are as a person then sexy can spring forth like you never knew it could.

Good luck to you and I am hopeful that you find that inner sexy and confident person that I know is in there. 

Janus

[Cats_Whiskers]

I'm over 6 feet tall, and a large build. I've been this way all my life. It seems to me that I can't remember a time when I wasn't the size that I am.

I have lost weight in the past through various diets and the like, but always end up putting it back on.

So now, I've come to the conclusion that I am a fat person in a fat persons body and there's very little I can do about it so I've learned to live with it.

I won't say I'm totally happy with the situation because I'm not, but I've reduced the portion size for meals and try not to eat after 7pm. I've cut down on my sugar intake, don't eat chocolate anymore (something I really miss) and I only buy foods that haven't been too messed up by the manufacturing process (pre-processed foodstuffs etc).

Good luck Sarah, if you need to chat either by PM once you get to 10 posts or via e-mail or via on-site chat (again once you get the right number of posts it'll activate) the please, don't hesitate.

[MissBarbara]

Edit: Would also be nice to know what you do to make you feel confident/more happy with yourself.

I initially missed this part.

When you're getting dressed up to go out, when you're all ready, look at yourself in a full-length mirror, and tell yourself, "You look sexy."

It will prove true if you believe it to be true.

[frustrated_girl]

I would like to quote everyone who has replied here to tell them that I have read their post/s and to thank them but
1.) I don't know how to do it on here properly.
2.) I think that be too annoying. >w<

But thank you all so much. x For the most part, I am happy with myself as a person and my appearance. It's just my weight. My boyfriend is great, he really is. I just want to be comfortable in myself, so that we can both have more fun in bed.

Interesting to learn other people's feelings about themselves..

[Janus]

One more post Sarah and you can send and receive PM's. There are a lot of really decent folks here and I am sure that they have personal stories that they'd share with you that can help in showing you how to be more comfortable in the sack.

[frustrated_girl]

One more post Sarah and you can send and receive PM's. There are a lot of really decent folks here and I am sure that they have personal stories that they'd share with you that can help in showing you how to be more comfortable in the sack.

Thank you, Janus. I hope I can learn some things from this place, I'm sure I can.

Yay, now I have PMs.

[coacheric]

I just want to be comfortable in myself, so that we can both have more fun in bed.

Interesting to learn other people's feelings about themselves..

You have to make peace with yourself first. Be happy with who and what you are with the thought that you can and will change your weight as it comes.

Don't hang around people that bring you down. Believe me, this works.

Don't conform to others, let them conform to you.



I know I'm overweight but I can accept the fact that over the last 2+ years, I'm still the same weight no matter if I try or not. The doctors and I laugh about the 5 lbs difference over all this time.

I started changing the way I dress. YES, my job changed that forced me to but I can say that prior position I lived in sweats and track pants. Now I always wear jeans and button up shirts, nicer shoes and keep my hair shorter and neater than at any point in my life.

All of these things have helped me. Each person will be different but trust me, with what others are posting here along with what others will still post, you will find an inner happy that will make the shit bothering you look like nothing.

[liontamer2]

I always feel better about myself after I exercise.  Knowing that I've busted my ass and really put the work in makes me feel so much sexier. 

[MissBarbara]

I always feel better about myself after I exercise.  Knowing that I've busted my ass and really put the work in makes me feel so much sexier. 

That's a great point.

[TinyDancer]

That is so true Liontamer. 

[RopeFiend]

Just over 35 years ago, I noticed I was starting to put some unwanted flab on my stomach and ass.  I'd already stretched one full pants size, forcing me to buy new clothes.  I wasn't happy about it.

I started reducing, reducing, reducing my total intake over the day, to the point where I was eating about the volume of a softball or a little bit bigger.  That worked for me: my weight dropped around 25 pounds, and I could wear my old jeans again.  I was happier at my earlier size, which reflects in self-confidence.

I've had to adjust it over the years, mostly when I was more active.  For 2 years I rode a bicycle *everywhere*, and I had to more than double my food intake to keep my weight up.  Same goes with my last job in Phoenix, as I was running up and down long flights of stairs numerous times per day.  I walk about 2 or 3 miles every day at the current job, but that's not enough exercise to require a significant boost in calorie intake above my baseline (couch-potato) average intake.

[phtlc]

I was just wondering how many of you guys and girls have body issues, and if so, does this affect your sex life?
I have weight issues. I won't go into them too much, but when I first met my boyfriend I was a size 8-10 and felt good, but now I am a size 12-14 and it really has knocked my confidence when we are intimate.  
I know it's my fault though, so I am currently trying my best to lose weight. I have been doing really well this past week.
Just wondering if anyone has felt or feels the same. Be nice to know I'm not alone...
Edit: Would also be nice to know what you do to make you feel confident/more happy with yourself.

From a guys point of view, I would suggest that you still take time to look sexy even if you don't feel that way. In my opinion, self confidence itself is very sexy. A girl who has put in weight yet still carries herself with confidence can still be powerfully attractive, but I find some girls become very uncomfortable in their skin and it shows in the way they dress and carry themselves.

I have seen several sexy women who are no longer model sized, but the self confidence (or lack thereof) can be the real killer. I'm not sure how you can work on that, but recognize that while yes it is nice to try to get in better shape, you can still be sexy in a larger size.

[MissBarbara]

I was just wondering how many of you guys and girls have body issues, and if so, does this affect your sex life?
I have weight issues. I won't go into them too much, but when I first met my boyfriend I was a size 8-10 and felt good, but now I am a size 12-14 and it really has knocked my confidence when we are intimate.  
I know it's my fault though, so I am currently trying my best to lose weight. I have been doing really well this past week.
Just wondering if anyone has felt or feels the same. Be nice to know I'm not alone...

Edit: Would also be nice to know what you do to make you feel confident/more happy with yourself.

From a guys point of view, I would suggest that you still take time to look sexy even if you don't feel that way. In my opinion, self confidence itself is very sexy. A girl who has put in weight yet still carries herself with confidence can still be powerfully attractive, but I find some girls become very uncomfortable in their skin and it shows in the way they dress and carry themselves.

I have seen several sexy women who are no longer model sized, but the self confidence (or lack thereof) can be the real killer. I'm not sure how you can work on that, but recognize that while yes it is nice to try to get in better shape, you can still be sexy in a larger size.
 

That's a good point, but I think for many women, it's a double-edged sword: dress sexy and feel sexy vs. feel sexy and dress sexy.

A couple of summers ago I was on the beach at Coney Island, and there was a woman there who was about 30 lbs. overweight and was wearing a tiny lime-green bikini. And she looked absolutely mouth-watering. It was her self-confidence, and not her physical shape, that chiefly contributed to that. She seemed to be saying, "I don't give a fuck what you think...").

But either that came naturally to her, or she worked to the point where she felt confident wearing that swimsuit in public. And, for may women, it's very hard for them to get to that point.