Posted this on Reddit, but it got downvoted faster than you can say dick...

[Uberloaf]

My "problem" is that I have a passive aggressive male member folks...  Let me explain:

1: I am not a homosexual and have absolutely zero bi-sexual tendencies, I resort to looking at pornography that is animated a lot or has the "male" involvement easy to ignore (which the Japanese are professionals at in their comics btw) because I recoil from the sight of another man's junk and even hints of pube hair over the top of undies.  I'm not homophobic by any means, as I have had a couple of gay male friends in the past who were cool as hell.  You can imagine my discomfort when trying to pirate porn on torrent sites when I am assaulted at every angle of my computer screen by flashing images of throbbing dicks, lol.

2: At least three times in my life I have been in bed with a woman and multiple other times had the opportunity to be with certain others and in every single one of these instances my dick refused to do its job.  Sometimes when a girl would proposition me I would flat out refuse (wtf am I thinking?) and other times I would be at the start of sex and I mean, it really would go limp at the girl's entrance and be as worthless as a sock on on rooster's tail.  When certain girls try to give me head, again, my member shuts down and I have had girls suck me raw because I couldn't get hard enough to cum, leaving me really embarrassed and them with a really sore jaw (sorry girls  ).  I have puzzled over this for some time now which leads me to point...

3: Is it possible that due to one or more factors concerning my brain having WAY too much control over my reproductive impulses such as my distaste of her looks, personality, attitude, intellect, that my brain puts a lockdown on my penis to prevent me from putting my DNA into something I will regret or be disappointed about later?

I know that was kind of a long question, but seriously now, how the fuck can this kind of thing even happen when I have a libido as high as mine?  I mean, look at the site I am posting in!   

[snowm]

There are a lot of unknowns here that make it difficult to answer this. Besides your brain 'having too much control' it could be as simple as age, diet, or a major life change. 3 times in your life if you are 50 is insignificant. 3 times if you are 20, well I might look into it deeper.

I am leaning to it is something as simple as you are psyching yourself out, too much pressure, yeah your body won't rise to the occasion...

The only time this has happened to me was in college and a lot of alcohol was involved, with both of us actually, party hook up type of thing...I woke up in the ivy next to the dorm...anyways, I was on top of her and I kept loosing my hard-on. I literally 'forgot' what I was doing, realized, holy hell I am on top of a naked chick, and he came back. that happened several times that night. So issue there was sort of diet related. If these are all post drinking hookups well maybe that is what is happening.

[Cats_Whiskers]

Uberloaf, not trying to causing issue/problems between us here with this response, but maybe your problem stems from your lack/dislike of viewing other mens members whilst watching porn.

I find that if I just relax somewhat and go with the flow of the movie, enjoy it for it is, then my orgasm is guaranteed every time. It may take a while depending on the subject matter (some things turn me on more than others, I'm sure you all have similar likes/dislikes).

So why not loose your anti-cock bias (if that's the right word) and try to enjoy all of what you see when you look at porn rather than just focusing on the female bits.

[MissBarbara]

Snowm and Cats Whiskers have offered solid advice.

Here's mine: Seek professional help. It's not that I think you're weird or fucked up, it's simply that there may be a straightforward medical or psychological way to address your issues, and help you overcome them.

I found it interesting that you chose to begin your post by emphasizing, in no uncertain terms, that you are neither gay nor bisexual, and that you are unequivocally heterosexual.

Perhaps you did that solely to contextualize your question. But perhaps there's some deeper-seated issue that compelled you to do that, and that is contributing to your difficulties. On the one hand, no one on the planet is purely straight, gay, bi, or anything else. On the other hand, perhaps your cockophobia is simply a good, old-fashioned turn-off. We all have our turn-offs, and they key thing is to understand that most of the time they're nothing more than that. So, stop focusing on your turn-offs, and appreciate what you do have.

P.S. I'm a cockophobe, too. But that's different...

[Uberloaf]

I posted the part about homosexuality as a pre-emptive strike against anyone who would obviously think of this as part of the issue, and not because I am being insecure in my sexuality.  I didn't think I could be anymore clear about my sexual orientation not being the root cause. 
And to MissBarbara, I despise the idea of medicating something that has anything to do with psychological factors.  I was diagnosed with ADD as a child and was forced to take meds for it.  I am still resentful of my mom for making me do this since I think most of these meds are meant as a sort of artificial bridge to compensate for a chemical imbalance, i.e. the pill fights the symptoms and not the actual illness.  I am still feeling the effects of this crap 12 years later.
I appreciate everyone's input so far, but nothing has been said yet that I haven't heard 10x before.  I was hoping to hear "alternative" solutions here, but nothing yet. 

[Lippy]

I may be wrong but I don't think that MissB was referring to medications. Talking therapies can be very useful, like cognitive behavioral therapy or psychotherapy. These can address more than you would think, as it does sound like it's a psychological problem rather being anything physical. It's not something that can be cured overnight but with some help and work on your part you can get over your issues,  you need to be open minded and fully willing to change.

Good luck

[snowm]

So you have heard everything 10 times already, all old news, well did you try any of it? Look into any of the proposed causes and tried to alter your lifestyle to compensate or are you just looking for an easy panacea?

[Elizabeth]

Would it be "WRONG" to just laugh??
I know....bad, very bad....
Love,
Liz

[Uberloaf]

So you have heard everything 10 times already, all old news, well did you try any of it? Look into any of the proposed causes and tried to alter your lifestyle to compensate or are you just looking for an easy panacea?

If I had heard everything, why in the Hell would I still be asking for advice?  I don't know what it is about how I say things or how I come off, but why do people insist on assuming that I am inept to the point of repeating myself just for fun?  Whew, I had to calm myself down before I said something I would regret...

Is it so bad if someone doesn't have the money to just go right to a shrink to try to seek an explanation from people with common sense instead of from folks with garbage stuffed in their heads from some sixth rate community college?  We're all just human at the end of the day right?

To help anyone else coming along with astute observations about my character, I just want to add that what I was really expecting is maybe someone had a friend or close relative that had a similar problem and they would tell me 1: it's not so bad, you'll find a way around it.  Or 2:  that friend/ relative actually had a mental problem and had to get serious help for it. 

I'm not a hypochondriac who would jump to the second conclusion, but it seems everyone so far is quick to do it.

[snowm]

Hearing advice and doing something about it are two different things. You can tell a fat guy to eat less and workout but if he doesn't he will still be fat.

I asked, of all the advice you have heard what have you already tried?

I have made no comment about your character short of repeating your own words.

[Uberloaf]

Aside from the talk about professional shrinks and meds, I have tried to be more relaxed as one of the posters wondered if I was just putting too much pressure on myself to perform, and when I tried this on the last lady I had it seemed to make things worse, not better.  By the time I tried to be more physical dominant it was already too late and we were too tired to make anything of it. 

Does that answer your question?

[joan1984]

WB, Liz!

Would it be "WRONG" to just laugh??
I know....bad, very bad....
Love,
Liz

[Janus]

I know this will sound weird coming from an alcoholic but how bout a few shots pf whiskey and have her parade around in a hot outfit?

Or go to the Dr. and get Viagra? 

[gomez38555]

I know this will sound weird coming from an alcoholic but how bout a few shots pf whiskey and have her parade around in a hot outfit?

Or go to the Dr. and get Viagra? 

Or janus could send you some of his.  I understand he gets a case discount. 

[snowm]

Aside from the talk about professional shrinks and meds, I have tried to be more relaxed as one of the posters wondered if I was just putting too much pressure on myself to perform, and when I tried this on the last lady I had it seemed to make things worse, not better.  By the time I tried to be more physical dominant it was already too late and we were too tired to make anything of it. 

Does that answer your question?

Not really, you said it didn't work on the last lady, has it ever worked? How long has this been an issue? Have you tried any of the other potential solutions besides "relaxing"?

[staci]

Another point of view is maybe you are too concentrated on getting your jollies. Don't have sex just to have sex. Get to know and like your partner and when the time comes, think about her first. I believe you will find it easier and very pleasurable when if you have done a good job, she reciprocates.

good luck.

[MissBarbara]

I may be wrong but I don't think that MissB was referring to medications. Talking therapies can be very useful, like cognitive behavioral therapy or psychotherapy. These can address more than you would think, as it does sound like it's a psychological problem rather being anything physical. It's not something that can be cured overnight but with some help and work on your part you can get over your issues,  you need to be open minded and fully willing to change.

Yes, I was speaking of talk therapy, and not medication.

But to sum up your response to me above, you reject out of hand the notion of seeking help from an educated, trained, and experienced professional, and instead seek the advice of a bunch of total strangers on a porn board.

Makes perfect sense to me.

[Uberloaf]

Aside from the talk about professional shrinks and meds, I have tried to be more relaxed as one of the posters wondered if I was just putting too much pressure on myself to perform, and when I tried this on the last lady I had it seemed to make things worse, not better.  By the time I tried to be more physical dominant it was already too late and we were too tired to make anything of it.  

Does that answer your question?

Not really, you said it didn't work on the last lady, has it ever worked? How long has this been an issue? Have you tried any of the other potential solutions besides "relaxing"?

Well, I'm no Casanova and so to help with your question I have simply been with enough women to date that this has upset me enough that I'm seeking advice from strangers.  

Have I tried other ways?  No, and my options are still pretty wide open at this point: such as more foreplay to build up so much tension that my problem will be fixed by nature, and there are other more subtle approaches like roleplaying and watching porn together.  Trust me, they're on my to-do list

[Uberloaf]

I may be wrong but I don't think that MissB was referring to medications. Talking therapies can be very useful, like cognitive behavioral therapy or psychotherapy. These can address more than you would think, as it does sound like it's a psychological problem rather being anything physical. It's not something that can be cured overnight but with some help and work on your part you can get over your issues,  you need to be open minded and fully willing to change.

Yes, I was speaking of talk therapy, and not medication.

But to sum up your response to me above, you reject out of hand the notion of seeking help from an educated, trained, and experienced professional, and instead seek the advice of a bunch of total strangers on a porn board.

Makes perfect sense to me.

I don't trust doctors  :p

[Uberloaf]

Another point of view is maybe you are too concentrated on getting your jollies. Don't have sex just to have sex. Get to know and like your partner and when the time comes, think about her first. I believe you will find it easier and very pleasurable when if you have done a good job, she reciprocates.

good luck.

I think you're the closest anyone has come to offering solid advice.  And to help explain why, two of the women this happened with I had no interest in at all, one of them being a crack whore, literally.  The other I just flat out had no interest in sexually (fat, lazy, raising her kid to be a little dirty heathen).