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Allie's Bad Night

DeelyStan · 2014

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Offline DeelyStan

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on: January 15, 2021, 08:16:46 PM
I cannot serve two masters and I choose Christ. This has been deleted.
« Last Edit: May 10, 2021, 02:04:07 PM by DeelyStan »



Offline purpleshoes

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Reply #1 on: January 16, 2021, 12:34:57 PM
This is a very good story DS. I also like the way it was presented, with short paragraphs and good grammar. A woo for your effort.

Two questions. One, who is Kelly?

Two, why are there random lines purporting to be Advertisements?

Example:
Quote
I knew she couldn’t and caught Allie trying to crawl away.
Hot Sex stories: The Sleepover Pt.2

The first line is part of the story, but what purpose does the second line serve?



Offline DeelyStan

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Reply #2 on: January 16, 2021, 02:54:34 PM
This is a very good story DS. I also like the way it was presented, with short paragraphs and good grammar. A woo for your effort.

Two questions. One, who is Kelly?

Two, why are there random lines purporting to be Advertisements?

Example:
Quote
I knew she couldn’t and caught Allie trying to crawl away.
Hot Sex stories: The Sleepover Pt.2

The first line is part of the story, but what purpose does the second line serve?
Thanks for catching that. Not sure how I changed their mom's name to Kelly, that's supposed to be Kristi.
As for the ad lines, I had originally posted this on a sex stories site and lost my local copy so I cut and pasted it;  I must have missed a few.
I plan to repost this with disclaimers and some minor edits. It's part of my Jamie series. I used to be blakemather on this site. Left and rejoined for personal reasons. The two Jamie stories I posted as Blake I'm currently reworking.



Offline Uncle Ed

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Reply #3 on: April 16, 2021, 08:20:54 AM
Well, welcome back, and a job well done!

The evil that men do lives after them; the good is oft interred with their bones. - William Shakespeare