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Renegade Gypsy · 161

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Offline Renegade Gypsy

  • Not Yet A Pervert
    • Posts: 2
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on: March 08, 2021, 03:03:06 PM

Hello. This is my first post ever concerning my problem. 49 years old never have I had traditional sex. My entire life starting at 15, I would get excited easily. No problem at all. The second I or any willing woman touched it was over. Any physical contact after erection, literally hide. Believe you me I have had my share of  disappoints and shame. It is not physical. Many issues arrive from having a problem such as this. In mid 20's. I started having serious problems with depressions out of being alone. Life Coach, and soul searching left me bluntly honest. From 27 - 39 just about damn near every woman given my truth, challenged that they could. No drugs would work ya know Viagra and that crap, oh yeah no problem with well defined erection, it did not matter the second a physical touch took place I was done. Like all the woman that attempted, we would go at it a second time, I would not work.  It has been 10 years since I have even thought or tried to find a companion. The past year of my life. My memories have almost killed me. I was made during a moment of rage, my mother and father typical people born in the 30's. Married out of duty. I was the baby of five, have a brother however born Mentally Disabled. Three Sisters. My childhood somewhat sporadic, Learned I was sexually active at about 6 months. My Mother left the hospital before anyone arrived. My middle sister 10 years older basically I was given to her. The first 5 years of my life I understood  if I would do the feelgood for anyone of my sisters worthless friends. My understanding of behavior was terribly skewed. Was intelligent at 5 started first grade. Has a problem putting my mouth and hands in places not acceptable by the teachers. I managed top make it through. The summer of 1997, I was the enjoyment for many 14 - 18 year olds. Female and  Male. In May 77, my sister who manipulated my entire world with " doin the Feelgood " Enticed me with the idea that Sandy an 8 year old lil girl staying with her G-mother for the summer liked when I licked her down there. Wanted me to go get her so my sister and I could teach her the feelgood.. I will make easier as I am slinging tears trying to finish. Sandy refused to come with me. At 6 with a sick minded controlling sister you do don't know what is right and wrong. For my self for as long as I could remember if somebody wanted the feelgood from me, they came grabbed me carried me off, drugged me and persuaded me. So I grabbed Sandy and violently dragged this young girl about 100 yards on  hot pavement. Her G-mother came to her rescue. My sister came and took me inside said I was in trouble. I started screaming at her I was telling on what she had been doing and having me do to so many of her friends. She grabbed underwear that were dirty and suffocated me till my bronchial tubes collapsed. After a 13 day stay in hospital, my G-mother and Father took me back to the House where it happened.. Everything gone except my toys and bed. It was late June 1977. Father took week vacation. When I walked in house. I was tortured. His sick mother, gonna break me of putting my hands on lil girls. For five days I was tortured in many ways. My entire life I have searched for answers. On April 5 th 2015. Facing my truths, and understanding why I shut down has rekindled my Desire to engage in SEX, like where  my DICK not tongue and fingers  do the work or at least not all of it. I did not know all of this it has been the most challenging and painful process in my life. I have asked many  questions of Father about things i remembered. Since I was 27 he has claimed some Dr somewhere put shit in my head. Less than two weeks ago with accurate knowledge of the accounts of what had transpired. I confronted my old man he is 83. Looked him dead in his eyes, shared my Status of Virgin, and demanded he hear me out, and give me answers. He has made some threats. However as I recalled to the exact dates and time. How his mother used rubber bands on me. Dr. Tichenor concentrated mouthwash on Bob and boys. I was brainwashed that if my penis gets erect and I touch i am gonna be torched. These facts I assume people with a healthy sexuality will understand why this freak show needs feedback. I do believe the injury I have been trying to heal since 15 years old has been found. love women. Looking for advice