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Offline Pornhubby

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Reply #5060 on: April 19, 2024, 07:24:52 PM
Seen on Quora:

I got pulled over on the HWY for going 7 mph over the speed limit. 🚓

As the officer started walking up to my truck, i rolled my windows down ..... 🚙

My adorable and apparently INCREDIBLY smart 7 yr old Granddaughter, started screaming from the backseat:

“It’s coming out!!!!!” 😱😱😱😱😱😱

“I can’t hold it any longer Paw Pawwww”😳😳😳😳

“It’s almost here!!!!!!!! Paw Pawwww!!!”

Now the trooper is HEARING her scream this....

and he stands up on my brush guard leans in the window and asks her “What’s going on here???”

She looks him 💀 DEAD IN THE FACE 💀

And says “I’ve got poop coming outta my butt!!”🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️

He started laughing 😂😂😂😂

I must have looked shocked and embarrassed 😭😭😭😭😭

He asked how far I had to go, which was about 2 miles home. He told me to drive safe and get Miss Thang home to do her business. He could NOT stop laughing😂😂😂

As soon as we pulled away I asked “What the hell was that about???”😳😳😳😳😳😳

This kid, smirked and said “I saw it on YouTube but I didn’t think it would work”🤷🏼‍♀️🤷🏼‍♀️🤷🏼‍♀️🤷🏼‍♀️

I said “So...... You're not pooping 💩?”

She said nope and you're not in trouble either.

OMG 👀👀👀

This kid is my hero 🦸‍♀️

”You can be mad as a mad dog at the way things went.  You can swear and curse the fates.  But when it comes to the end, you have to let go.” — The Curious Case of Benjamin Button



Online msslave

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Reply #5061 on: April 19, 2024, 07:56:24 PM
 :emot_laughing: :emot_laughing: :emot_laughing:

Well trained and been made compliant....by my cat Neville


Offline Yarshi

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Reply #5062 on: April 25, 2024, 09:07:29 PM
Seen on Quora:

This kid is my hero 🦸‍♀️

Mine too! Woooooo!



Offline Yarshi

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Reply #5063 on: April 25, 2024, 09:09:32 PM
I went to the gynecologist today, she told me to stop masturbating.


 I said why? 


She said I’m trying to examine you.

 :emot_laughing: :emot_laughing: :emot_laughing: :emot_laughing: Woo'ing all the way!



Online watcher1

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Reply #5064 on: April 26, 2024, 03:46:44 PM
My wife accidently drank a bottle of invisible ink. She is in the ER now, waiting to be seen.  ;D

Emancipate yourself from mental slavery, none but ourselves can free our minds.


Offline ObiDongKenobi

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Reply #5065 on: April 26, 2024, 04:45:11 PM
My wife had to go to A&E after swallowing some coins. I called about her condition and was told "no change"


Princess, would you like to see it light up and hum when I wave it about


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Reply #5066 on: April 27, 2024, 05:59:25 PM
How do you know when you're talking to an extra terrestrial?




They ask lots of probing questions.

 :D :D :D

Well trained and been made compliant....by my cat Neville


Offline Yarshi

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Reply #5067 on: April 27, 2024, 10:24:56 PM
How to tell if a man is virile...

His partner has to chew before they can swallow...

 :facepalm: :facepalm: :facepalm:

I'll see my way out...



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Reply #5068 on: May 05, 2024, 04:56:34 AM
How did Mr. Spock make Captain Kirk laugh?









He set his phaser on pun.
 :facepalm: :facepalm: :facepalm:

Well trained and been made compliant....by my cat Neville


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Reply #5069 on: May 07, 2024, 06:45:27 PM
What do bakers and sunbathers have in common?












Neither one of them want to burn their buns. 00)

Well trained and been made compliant....by my cat Neville


Offline purpleshoes

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Reply #5070 on: May 08, 2024, 11:56:48 AM


Gotta love a bun pun. Woo!




Online MintJulie

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Reply #5071 on: May 08, 2024, 02:39:21 PM
A lot of dad jokes up in here.   :emot_laughing:

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Reply #5072 on: May 14, 2024, 05:01:59 AM
A tree walks into a bar.

The bartender.asks, "What will it be?"

The tree says, "Anything. Just so it isn't a lager."

Well trained and been made compliant....by my cat Neville


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Reply #5073 on: May 14, 2024, 06:33:19 AM
A tree walks into a bar.

The bartender.asks, "What will it be?"

The tree says, "Anything. Just so it isn't a lager."

I need some help with this one.  Is it because it's fermented in a barrel?

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Offline Pornhubby

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Reply #5074 on: May 14, 2024, 07:54:13 AM
A tree walks into a bar.

The bartender.asks, "What will it be?"

The tree says, "Anything. Just so it isn't a lager."

I need some help with this one.  Is it because it's fermented in a barrel?

Logger.

”You can be mad as a mad dog at the way things went.  You can swear and curse the fates.  But when it comes to the end, you have to let go.” — The Curious Case of Benjamin Button



Offline purpleshoes

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Reply #5075 on: May 14, 2024, 12:15:14 PM


I know a guy who communicates with vegetables.

It's true. Jack and the beans talk.




Offline staci

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Reply #5076 on: May 14, 2024, 05:04:39 PM
G R O A N

one of the originals


Offline purpleshoes

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Reply #5077 on: May 15, 2024, 11:57:54 AM
 😁



Online watcher1

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Reply #5078 on: May 15, 2024, 03:18:31 PM
A grasshopper walks into a bar, and the bartender says, "We have a drink named after you!" The grasshopper says, "You have a drink called Freddy?" 

:facepalm:

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Offline Shiela_M

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Reply #5079 on: May 15, 2024, 05:20:25 PM
A contractor calls the police and informs them that the woman he had just done a bunch of work for refuses to pay him. The police show up, and the guy starts pointing out everything he had done.

"I purchased all the concrete, and gravel, plus rented the machinery to lay her driveway, then I bought all the posts, more concrete, and the stone to lay out the storm fence surrounding the entire ache of property. I rooted up all the weeds, dead plants, and old sod, hauled it away, and had to pay to drop it off at compost. I then bought, and laid out all new sod. I planted those two trees, and all these ferns. It took me all week to get it done as quickly while maintained the best quality of work. I go to the door, and say it's all done. She goes around the yard complimenting me on the good work I had done, and that she could not be happier with it all. When I tried to give her the invoice, she just laughed at me, and told me to get real. She then walked into the house, and she wont answer the door no matter how much I knock."

The police look around, and even though they are not experts, they too complimented him on a job well done. Seeing no reason as to why she wouldnt pay for the work done, they went to the door and knocked in order to get her side of the story.

When the police knocked and identified themselves, the woman opened the door with a look of unbelievable perplexity. She looked at the contractor with anger, and said "Really? You called the police?"

The police told her everything the contractor had said, and about her refusal to pay.

"Of course I'm not paying for that!"

"Would you mind telling us why you're refusing to pay!"

"Because, he," she said pointing angrily at the contractor, "is my damn husband!"